Defying expectations and early polling, the Conservatives are on track to take a majority in British Parliament with David Cameron securing a second term as prime minister.

Tomorrow, the citizenry of the United Kingdom will cast their votes in a general election. If you’re an American, you may have been too busy tenderly rubbing your genitals on a gun to have read much about this. Who’s fighting to lead this grey and unpleasant land onward into its inevitable irrelevancy? And how do we even do elections without an electoral college? Allow me, a Proper Brit, to get you up to speed.

Gordon "Dreamweaver" Brown is resigning as Labour Party leader, and his replacement could very well be the next Prime Minister. So the question is: Why spell "Labour" with a "U"? No, wait. The question is: Who's his replacement?