Thanks to Judd Apatow's loveable stoner humor and the mass excitement caused by the impending Harold and Kumar sequel, it seems that pot and pot-loving celebs are inching closer and closer to mainstream acceptance. But news of which stars contributed tips to celebrity stoner lit's latest entry, Pot Culture, has us harkening back to the days when Bob Dylan and Woody Harrelson gave long-winded interviews to High Times. Though the names aren't exactly A-list, the pieces of advice on how to get merrily mellow are far more creative than any pothead logic we've ever heard. Find out who lays out DIY instructions on how to construct your own gravity bong, who demonstrates the always-reliable apple bong technique, and who gets away with lying to their husband about her toking habit by covering up the smell with lip gloss after the jump.

New York water contains trace amounts of the sedative Diazepam, the mood stabilizer Carbamazepine and estrogen. Also? "Drugs for aches, infections... high blood pressure and caffeine." Some male fish are becoming "feminized," probably from the estrogen. No one is sure if the situation is safe for humans. You may now resume your daily business. [AP, AP]

What exactly is a star to do when they've run out of things to snort up their much-abused noses? The Nesquik-laced coke trend had some buzz for awhile but quickly got old. Then Keith Richards tried an even more inventive trick by blowing rails constructed from his daddy's ashes. And let's not forget Steve-O, who decided snorting wasabi would make for a grand old time. But the award for most logical next snortable substance of choice must go to Amy Winehouse (surprise!), who recently kickstarted a brand new trend in nose candy parlor games with Kelly Osbourne in London this week. Details on the rules and regulations for a fun little lethal game called Gas Chamber after the jump.

Short, fat, dumb and lazy: Americans are the worst. But what if there was a drug that could change all of that? A drug that could cure every social, professional and emotional problem that exists? Why, that would be awesome. We could give up all those other drugs that only get us half way there. Maybe there might be such a drug, sometime soon!

Forget Darfur, Iraq and figuring out that whole peace in the Middle East messiness; the UN is currently most concerned with figuring out why the kiddies love crackheads and drunks like Pete Doherty and Lindsay Lohan so damn much! According to the NY Daily News, a United Nations narcotics committee thinks that "Celebrities are often involved in illicit drug trafficking or in illicit drug use and this is glamorized." Oh the glamour of it all. After all, nothing makes us want to hit the pipe harder than seeing Pete Doherty smoke down with his kitten. And we've never wanted a drink so badly until we saw those positively French Vogue-worthy images of Lindsay double-fisting shots. We have a feeling you'll feel the "glamour" of it all racing through your soon-to-be-poisoned veins after taking a look at our gallery of the best moments in downright gorgeous coke-nosed, passed-out, nodding-off celebrity history:

One of the biggest weed-selling crews in New York was also behind a record label that distributed Wyclef Jean and a slew of reggae stars. The John Shop Crew was a violent, murderous gang moving a literal ton of marijuana per week from California; John Shop Records was the label they started with the profits. I see the subtle connection! Eight members of the crew were found guilty on gun and drug charges yesterday and could face up to life in prison [NYDN]. According to a 2002 article, John Shop was one of the three top weed crews in the city, and was locked in an ongoing drug war responsible for at least a dozen murders. Perhaps a reason to give your record label a different name. The label's motto was "Being real to the music, never hustle the music." No time to hustle the music when you're hustling all that REEFER, ha. John Shop's personal history [MySpace] of how they "made the music and they made the party" is below—inserting "and we passed around unlimited weed and cash" helps it all make sense.

Sort of! The International Narcotics Board states, in its yearly report, that celebrities should be getting harsher sentences and more appropriate prosecution in general for their myriad drug offenses. Well, duh. In addition to more far-reaching topics like painkiller shortages for the indigent and the opium fields of Afghanistan, the INCB condemns the handling of celebrity drug culture as far too lenient and dangerously misrepresenting the seriousness of druggery to the world's wide-eyed, "cult of celebrity" obsessed youth. The report doesn't actually do anything fun or exciting like name names in particular. (This is probably just because everyone is so sick of typing, seeing, reading, or thinking about defiantly anti-rehab singer Amy Winehouse's name. Sorry.)

We already know that half of Manhattan abuses Adderall, but what does an ex-addict novelist need to get writing in the morning? According to an Esquire interview with James Brown, author of Los Angeles Diaries: a lot. Writers, take note! Among other things, we learn about antidepressant Wellbutrin's pleasing stimulant qualities, especially whenn combined with something called "No-Explode..."

Perez HIlton seems to think that he's discovered a magical portal into pile o' drugs rockabilly rascal Pete Doherty's soul. Well, at least into his crack smoking. The famous blogger, known for his professionalism, has found Mr. Doherty's YouTube account. The videos that the supposed "Doherty" has uploaded are mostly in keeping with a crazed drug addict's tastes: silent footage of a fire burning, wee Englishmen walking about a darkened house with nothing more than a candle, etc. Oh, and a glass chicken full of smoke. Yep. That's all it is, but Perez decides that it's abject proof of drug use (he's "taking a hit" from the glass chicken, to use the lingo). It's even less conclusive than the video of now dead actor Heath Ledger sniff snorting on some cocaine. Even though, erm, Doherty has a long history of drug use and would probably take a hit out of his mother if she were full of sweet, sweet crack smoke. But still, it could be anything! Tobacco! Or, marijuana! Or... Oh for fuck's sake it's crack, isn't it? Just roll the damn tape. (After the jump.) [Perez]

Just two blind items for you today, the first from Widdicombe: "Which single-ish A-list actor is back to his old ways since splitting with his wife? He was seen handing off a suspicious-looking vial to a hard-partying TV thesp who is about to hit the big screen." Racy. Are Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward still together? Another burning question after the jump.

Yacht Rock pioneer and Best Singer EVER Michael McDonald on how cool he was, back in the day: "I don't want it to sound like I'm bragging about smoking pot, but there was a time when that was a big part of our day. Smoking in the morning was normal. But a lot of things became normal to me. Seizures, pissing my pants, waking up in a hotel room with the New York City police at the foot of my bed became normal." (After the jump, the making of the best song ever, "Peg." McDonald goodness at 6:20.) [TONY]

Two doctors are being investigated by the feds in connection with actor and Soho resident Heath Ledger's death. The Daily News reports that one doctor in California and one in Texas supplied Ledger with Vicodin and Oxycontin, and the feds want to know if the whole deal was legal. Nothing has been established yet. The two painkillers were among the six drugs in Ledger's system when he died of an overdose in January. [NYDN]

ABC News reports that a Trenton boy brought 70 grams of crack to school. It's your typical "our kids in peril" story, but they miss the more interesting angle: it's not an uncommon practice for dealers—usually in the kid's family—to give young children drugs to hold onto, because they can't really be prosecuted for possession. (Has anybody read Random Family?) [ABC News]

Remember when we said this was the best amateur Obama YouTube music video ever? We were wrong. We apologize. This is the best one ever. It is insane. It was on boingboing, but don't hold that against it. It is awesome. Ron Paul may be the President of the Internet, but Barack Obama is a living meme.

A reporter at the Beatrice Inn was asking random people whether they had any drugs last night. That isn't all that surprising: he was a reporter, after all; and Beatrice Inn is a (classy) coke den. But my editor was shocked. "On a Sunday?" he asked. This, apparently, is the functioning professional's coke-taking code: a bump or two is socially acceptable, so long as it doesn't interfere with productivity. My unthinking response: "Hey, it was Oscars night." So many exceptions! So let's propose some common standard: coke is acceptable only on Friday and Saturday nights, and at the Beatrice Inn on cultural holidays. And, S, don't ask a gossip columnist you hardly know whether they're holding.

After a college, a bunch of kids I knew abdicated the whole "get a job and health care" scene and moved to Argentina. Down there, the beef is good, the rent is reasonable and the dollar is strong. And get this: the low cost of living even extends to recreational and/or habit forming drugs. Low grade coke is cheaper in Buenos Aires than bottled water is in New York.

New York governor Eliot Spitzer is getting pilloried left and right for his kind of stupid proposal to tax illegal drugs. He introduced it as a (serious? Nobody really knows) proposal to close the state's budget gap by laying taxes on coke, weed, and smack. In reality, many states use these drug taxes as a tool to seize assets from dealers under tax evasion charges [WP]. Right-wingers hate the idea because it appears to be soft on crime. Left-wingers hate the idea because it reveals the underlying hypocrisy on the war on drugs. But why should you, the average Philly-rolling person on the street, hate the idea? Because if it actually happened, those dime sacks would get a lot smaller.

If you like movies about funny stoner boys who have wacky misadventures (and who doesn't) then you'll want to watch the official, not going to be taken off YouTube trailer for Seth Rogen's new action-comedy Pineapple Express. Though, make sure you're over 18! Because it's a pretty racy clip and Sony will know if you're lying, goddamnit.

We've laughed it off for months now but maybe Mayor Bloomberg is idiotic enough to run for president. How else to explain the formerly bland technorat's suddenly strained attempt to transform himself into similarly rich and short crank Ross Perot? Asked about Bush's economic stimulus plan (he is going to send us all checks!!!), Bloomberg said it was "like giving a drink to an alcoholic." He meant because Congress is addicted to spending, but the analogy seems to actually say that Americans are addicted to having money. Or maybe he is actually just saying that Americans will actually spend their entire stimulus checks on booze? Some of them will, sure. But some of them will spend it on drugs! Besides, Americans aren't addicted to cash. We're addicted to running up debt! [NYSun]

"Maybe things are different down south than in the city," writes commenter mercurius2, "but I've never run across oxycontin or talk of its use in the high tech world up here. Bong hits in the court yard, roof, hall closet, boss's office, elevator, under the front desk, cubicles after hours, boss's bedroom, that I might believe."