Wealthy Connecticut cowboy and casual racist Don Imus is finally returning to the airwaves! WABC is going to pay the mean old man millions of dollars (or "a eight-figure, multiyear contract," according to DRUDGE) to bring his trademark blend of ethnic jokes and embarrassing appearances from fawning political journalists back to New York's morning drivetime.
Salon's lefty gadfly Glenn Greenwald has gotten all riled up about newish politics site Politico. They publish political gossip, and—horror of horrors!—Politico is somehow just as mean and gossipy and wrong-headed as Matt Drudge, and that is a very, very, very bad thing, and must be stopped. Oh, and also, Drudge and Politico are in some sort of vast right-wing conspiracy cahoots: "It is really amazing, and quite significant, just how frequently Drudge and The Politico end up being linked in so many ways," he sniffs. Also: "Maybe the Politico is designed to be a gossip rag — like Drudge or right-wing blogs — not an actual news organization." You know what, Glenn? How about you get off that high horse you've placed yourself on so delicately, and come down and mingle with the rest of us? The air's refreshing down here. As for Politico, we're thrilled to be able at last to jump up and down and yell, "One of us! One of us!" Yay!
In the few moments before the man in the fedora had confirmed the circumstances of Ken Lay's death, Drudge had the following headline:
Thank God for Matt Drudge. Everyone everywhere is amazed and surprised (and yet not really so surprised) and fascinated by the the burgeoning Payola Six scandal. But only Matty could see the thing as a dark cloud looming over the entirety of Manhattan.
• George Clooney eats hot dogs! Let's sabotage hot dogs! [Gallery of the Absurd]
• And another one bites the dust: Hachette says it'll shut ELLEgirl after the June/July issue, leaving it as a web- and wireless-only brand. [WWD]
• Folio: announces its list of the 40 most influential/ successful / annoying / evil people in magazine publishing. The Daily Show's Jon Stewart makes the list — it's a long fall from the Oscars, ain't it? [Folio:]
• Meanwhile, Daily Show correspondent Rob Corddry begins his long climb up the special events ladder by hosting the Webby awards. [PR Newswire]
• Why we prefer the foreign press: They know we want to read about a dude who took 40,000 hits of ecstasy. [Guardian]
• Death Row Records head Suge Knight may have declared bankruptcy, but he's never too poor to pop a cap in your ass. [TMZ]
• Rosie O'Donnell is back in our good graces. According to her profile in New York, she shares our love for the Schtick Intuition. And last night on Leno, she called herself a 200-lb. lesbian. Good, clean fun — Rosie's back! [Fish Drink Water]
• Someone has stolen Jerry Garcia's toilet. Authorities believe the priceless porcelain may have been traded in for Big Gulp, Doritos, and two packs of Twinkies. [CNN]
• Ben Smith launches his Daily News political blog — complete with a sexy picture. Too bad he hasn't left the Observer yet. [Daily Politics]
• Drudge reports on Couric's move to CBS by reprinting the Mary Tyler Moore song. The Gay never lets us down. [Drudge]
And, sadly, his videos are just as disappointing.
• Early this morning, Melania Knauss crapped out Donald Trump's baby. A reader earlier told us the baby boy will be named Barron William Trump, though we've no confirmation on that. What we do know, however, is that if Barron weren't Donald Trump's son, the Donald would probably be dating him. [Gothamist]
• Any man who calls himself a "cougar" deserves to be shot. [NYP]
• There seems to be a blog for everything, so why not one dedicated to the ugly couches for sale on Craigslist? [Revolting Sofas]
• All those people waiting in line for Trader Joe's, and they're not even selling booze yet. Fools. [Consumerist]
• Whether you feel it or not, spring has sprung. Or so sayeth Shake Shack, which reopened today. [Eater]
• David Brooks, revisionist of his own history. [Radosh]
• It's a particularly choice day for Drudge: At the time of this writing, he's got Buddha Boy, freak weather, baby monkeys, and a deformed lamb up on his site. It's like he's revealing his soul. [Drudge]
You can't help but be a little proud of Matt Drudge for this one. It's just past 9 AM and he's already managed to nail a thematic money shot. The masculine backside and America — that we expected. But the plastic? So naughty! We're pleasantly surprised at this little reveal; you let your freak flag fly all over that red carpet, big guy.
Seriously, the ONE freaking morning we spare ourselves the horror of the Today show, and it's the morning that a bunch of birds crap on Katie Couric.
Don't worry, Matt. If we find out where they moved them, you'll be the first one we let know.
Not there's nothing to be ashamed of, Matt. Big corporate profits get us off too.
Yes, he's back. And this time, apparently, he's standing on his head.
We've not laid into our old buddy Matt Drudge in quite some time; honestly, it was just getting too easy. But this morning was different. Tulips? Iran? Even we're stumped. Perhaps Mr. Greenthumb has springtime bulbs on the brain, but we're more inclined to think of this as some sort of psychedlic concoction, wherein Drudge works only within the confines of his own personal Xanadu. Coleridge would be proud, we think.
From PR blog Media Orchard's list of the year's 10 Worst Spins, the number four worst attempt to influence public perception in 2005:
Matt Drudge's To-Do List
TAKE RECYCLING TO THE CURB!!!
POST LARGE PICTURE OF ELTON JOHN!!!
DRINK SEVERAL CUPS OF COFFEE!!! BLACK!!!
USE THE ELLIPSIS ... LIKE IT'S GOING OUT-OF-STYLE!!!
CLEAN HAT!!!
