· "Major" directors Cameron Crowe and Tony Scott are plunged into dark waters of existential anguish after being trounced by a shitty horror remake this weekend. [Variety]
· According to a THR report, NBC won't renew its NASCAR deal past 2006, preferring that all of the network's fiery wrecks occur on its primetime schedule. [THR]
· The proposed sale of DreamWorks grows still more complicated; despite press reports, Var says that NBC Universal has not increased its offer to buy Steven Spielberg's failed dreams, and new bidder Paramount has expressed its interest in being used as a ploy to drive up the price of the inevitable sale to NBC Uni. [Variety]
· Even if the other networks ran live coverage of Jesus Christ's return on Sunday night, ABC's Desperate Housewives would still trounce them in the Nielsens. [THR]
· Headline of the day: "Par sends Dunst to Iraq." Don't get your hopes up, she's been cast as a relief worker killed by suicide bomber, not punished by Paramount for Elizabethtown's weak opening. [Variety]

· Hillary Clinton's swinging through Hollywood again for a series of fundraisers aimed at raising money for her "Senate re-election campaign," not her inevitable run (fingers crossed for a Clinton-Affleck ticket!) for President in 2008. [Variety]
· Jennifer Connelly is close to joining another feature project, but we don't even care what it is. We'd pay to watch her picking out orthopedic insoles at Rite Aid. Ugh, does that sound like some kind of weird fetish? Because it's totally not. If we wanted to go with the fetish angle, we would've said something about her wearing a bikini and sitting on balloons until they pop. [THR]
· Paramount will go halfsies on the movie adaptation of the musical Dreamgirls with DreamWorks, the " thinly veiled telling of the rise of Diana Ross and the Supremes." The stunt-driver budget alone is expected to be astronomical, so it's good the studios are splitting the financial burden. [Variety]
· Fox picks up full season orders of both The War at Home and Bones, allowing us to continue our unhealthy obsession with Bones' resident squint Emily Deschanel. My, aren't we stalkerish today? OK, we're done now. [THR]
· WGA Report: Honkies with penises still hogging all the writing jobs. [Variety]

· David Geffen called off talks for NBC Universal to buy DreamWorks, stepping away from the table when NBC Uni reduced their offer "on the 1-yard line," noting partner Steven Spielberg's supposedly "ambivalent" attitude about the deal. Who will buy the Geffen-Spielberg lovechild? [dramatic organ music] Will Geffen's ploy to negotiate in the trades pay off? [somewhat louder, dramatic organic music] Stay tuned! [Variety]
· Why We Love Hollywood, Part Thirty-Five: Benderspink and New Line come up with the idea for the comedy Boob Job during a company lunch, when a NL exec "told a really funny story about a guy whose wife had gotten implants and it ruined the guy's life," With that kind of thoughtful storycraft, there is no way this movie can possibly fail. [THR]
· Giddy from signing Family Guy showrunner David Goodman to a two-year development deal, 20th Century Fox TV president Gary Newman lets down his guard and describes Goodman as "a fantastic piece of manpower." Wow. That must've been some hot, closed-door negotiation. [Variety]
· Judging from her premiere Nielsens, fictional Commander in Chief president Geena Davis is easily more popular than George W. [THR]
· Says Var about Michael Eisner's final public address as head of Disney: "Call Michael Eisner the anti-Cher: While most aging icons' farewell tours are loud, frenzied and never-ending, the Walt Disney CEO seems determined to go out like a lamb." The anti-Cher? This pretty much kills Eisner's post-Disney plan to make a living doing campy cameos on Will & Grace. [Variety]

· Creepy Stunt-Casting Alert! Former Demi Moore spouse Bruce Willis will appear on an episode of That 70s Show with current Moore boyfriend/possible impregnator Ashton Kutcher. Self-referential jokes about sharing the same woman will certainly follow (and, we suspect, a surprise Moore cameo). Creepiness-mitigating silver lining: Willis is donating his fee to the Red Cross. [Variety]
· Paramount enables Leonardo DiCaprio and Martin Scorsese to author a fourth chapter in their cinematic love affair, optioning the rights to the Teddy Roosevelt bio The Rise of Theodore Roosevelt. Sounds like an Oscar-baiting vehicle in which DiCaprio gets to physically transform himself from an asthmatic, 25 year-old wimp to a "burly," somewhat less wimpy-seeming Rough Rider. We'll do our best not to laugh at Leo in Teddy's signature moustache. [Variety]
· Monster's Ball director Mark Forster will direct the adaptation of the mega-best-selling The Kite Runner for DreamWorks. Or for Universal, or for whatever big studio eventually buys up what's left of Steven Spielberg's dreams. [THR]
· Fox wins Sunday night with football, The Simpsons, and The Family Guy. [THR]
· Ang Lee's gay cowboy yarn, Brokeback Mountain, wins the Venice Film Festival's Golden Lion. But American audiences have to wait until December 9th to witness Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal's hot cowpoking action. [Variety]

· Does beating your already "lowered expectations" constitute "good news"? If you're DreamWorks Animation and the news doesn't involve losing more money (here, it's Madagascar products helping the bottom line), it's good enough. [Variety]
· Bad contract or house payment due? Bill Murray is in negotiations to once again voice the world's favorite lasagna-gulping cat in Garfield 2. [THR]
· Chinese authorities relent and will let Desperate Housewives through its Great Wall of Programming, insuring that the world's most populous nation will think that all Americans are horny soap-opera actors with nicely manicured front lawns. [Variety]
· David E. Kelley generates buzz at NBC by giving morning talk shows the Ally McBeal treatment. Not so long ago, the performance of his The Law Firm reality series generated so much buzz that they had to demote it to Bravo. [THR]
· Westworld, the sci-fi remake put on hold when attached star Arnold Scwhwzenegger quite inconveniently was elected governor of California, is once again "a go." And should he or the people decide that he's a crappy politician, Arnold may use it as a comeback vehicle. [Variety]
· MTV refuses to let Wilmer Valderrama slip away into total obscurity, greenlights his "yo mama" joke competition show. Sometimes we're so happy that we've passed out of their target audience. [THR]

· Var: "Rupert Murdoch is really into the internet." Totally! Now that he's acquired MySpace, Murdoch is looking to continue moving boldly into the internet space. May we recommend an immediate purchase of StuffOnMyCat.com? [Variety]
· Production company Roaring Entertainment is suing ABC, Simon Cowell, and Freemantle Media claiming that their Million Dollar Idea was stolen. Actually, it should be a "tens of millions of dollars idea," since that's what the lawsuit is seeking in damages. [THR]
· Hey Dreamworks SpielbergKatzenbergGeffen, in your face! Sort-of stand-alone studio (did they have to mention that News Corp owns a chunk?) Regency Enterprises is thriving while you're hawking your wares to NBC Universal. [Variety]
· The Academy of Television Arts and Sciences gives ABC president Steve McPherson its inaugural "televisionary" award for his work to "advance the cause of diversity in the industry." We hope he doesn't bring Jim Belushi to the awards ceremony. No one wants an "incident." [THR]
· It's nice to see that Herbie: Fully Loaded director Angela Robinson wasn't so scarred by her experience with Linday Lohan that she quit the business. The Lohan-survivor will co-write and direct chick-becomes-cyborg action comedy Genbot for New Line. [Variety]
· There is much rejoicing at the Bing: HBO may tack on an additional 10 episodes to the end of The Sopranos' upcoming, final season. [THR

· Screw Ovitz and his $140 million golden parachute: ABC and ESPN gives Disney's revenues a 16% boost. [Variety]
· Showtime's Weeds has a "modest" premiere, despite the fact that we've been barraged by publicity for the show. (Seriously, if we hear that ad that says the not-yet-aired series is "TV's most talked about comedy in ages," we're going to hurt a cute animal.) Guess you need a fat Scientologist to lampoon her cold career to make a debut on Showtime really pop. [THR]
· Adding legal insult to box office flop injury, The makers of 1979's Parts: The Clonus Horror are suing DreamWorks and Warner Bros, claiming The Island was based on their film. The litigants are seeking "unspecified damages and part of the proceeds" from the Michael Bay film. Will they take a settlement in rolls of pennies? [Variety]
· CBS's promotional wizards partner with Williams-Sonoma to target their fall schedule to upscale female viewers, offering promo DVDs and "original cooking segments with CBS stars" to W-S customers. The plan builds on a previous, hugely successful targeted marketing attempt involving CBS's biggest demo, CSI-branded bedpans distributed through selected retirement communities. Oh, their audience is so very old! [THR]
· More exciting CBS news: The net gives a mid-season order to the dramedy Love Monkey, starring Tom Cavanaugh and Jason Priestly. Did the twin Canadians test well with the upscale, espresso machine-buying ladies of Williams Sonoma? [Variety]

After we posted about yesterday's LAT article asking some of Hollywood's deepest thinkers to explain the sudden Death of the (Awful) Action Movie, a couple of readers pointed out this piece from Zap2it.com, where The Island producer Walter Parkes nearly jabs himself in the eye in a flurry of finger-pointing. The Island's problems? A bad title and small actors:

· Variety and THR offer their tributes to Peter Jennings. Mercifully, Var doesn't say that Jennings "ankled" his mortal coil. [Variety, THR]
· DreamWorks sends a "vote of confidence" by extending the contracts of production president Adam Goodman and producers Walter Parkes and Laurie MacDonald, bolting down the furniture on the Titanic before prospective buyer Universal can rearrange it. [Variety]
· Charlie and the Chocolate Factory continues its impressive run at the international box office. [THR]
· Props are due: ABC is first out of the gate with a John Paul II biopic, which Var headlines "ABC's Up With Papal." Nicely played. [Variety]
· Bravo tacks on two more episodes to their order of Being Bobby Brown, giving the world an "inside look" at the homes where the phrases "Hell to the no" and "dootie bubble" were born. [THR]
· Miramax's production co-president Jon Gordon will play out the string on his contract before taking the same job with Universal. We loved his scene-stealing work on the first season of Project Greenlight. [Variety]

· Like a chivalrous man asking his beloved's father for permission to marry his daughter, General Electric gives NBC Universal approval to try to buy DreamWorks. Actually, this is a pretty shitty analogy because GE doesn't own DreamWorks, but we were momentarily swept up in the crazy romance of corporate acquistions. [Variety]
· An alcohol watchdog group alleges that Budweiser's paid product placement in Wedding Crashers encourages underage drinking. A "porking lonely bridesmaids" watchdog group has yet to publicly comment on the film, but we expect an announcement shortly. [THR]
· Dogs are the new poker: John "Animal House" Landis catches canine fever and will direct Show Dogs for New Line. [Variety]
· Oprah Winfrey's Harpo Films prepares to pull another author out of obscurity by adapting Toni Morrison's Promised into a TV miniseries. Oh, wait. We've actually heard of Toni Morrison (damn you, college!), and she's rich and famous already. Nevermind. [THR]
· Charlie wins at the overseas box office, while The Island was "somewhat less disappointing offshore than domestically." It would kind of have to be less disappointing, wouldn't it? [Variety]

· Lachlan Murdoch resigns from daddy Rupert's News Corp., where he was expected to one day assume his father's multimedia conglomerate throne. Will Viacom's Sumner Redstone sense an opening an offer to adopt young Lachlan to secure a male heir? Eh, probably not, but how awesome would that be? [Variety]
· Bored with directing talented actors on to Oscar-winning performances, Clint Eastwood adds Paul "Hey, why would I WANT to act my way out of wet paper bag, smart guy?" Walker to his World War II epic Flags of our Fathers. [THR]
· Variety looks at the fading of the DreamWorks "dream," now that they might shift from being the "new," independent kind of studio to the "old" kind that's bought up by a company with a lot more money, like NBC Universal. [Variety]
· The WGA launches a Showrunner Trainer Program to help TV writers acquire the skills to run a successful TV show. By the third day of training, inexperienced writers will be able to smile sincerely through network notes like, "We love the Chinese grandfather character, love him, but couldn't he be a twentysomething ad executive living in a Tribeca loft?" [THR]
· The threat of Desperate Housewives has NBC and the Foreign Press Association scattering like roaches under a spotlight, as they mull moving the Golden Globes from Sunday to Monday night. [Variety]

The NY Post reports (exclusively, they might add, in bold and all-caps) that DreamWorks' live-action studio had a little too much to drink, picked up a telephone, and asked NBC Universal if it could come over "just to talk." NBC-Uni knew that if it didn't tell DreamWorks, "OK, you can stop by, but NOTHING is going to happen, not even if you beg and threaten to cry all night until we agree to acquire you," the studio would keep calling all until it finally gave in. The next morning, things were a little awkward—couldn't DreamWorks have asked first before borrowing the tooth brush?—but everyone insists that things aren't serious, they're just talking, that's all. And would anyone be that surprised if DreamWorks got sloshed and started calling everyone in its address book, just so it could feel pretty again? It's got some self-esteem issues since The Island flopped.

With DreamWorks Animation stock price in the toilet, six shareholder lawsuits pending against the company, and an upcoming "informal inquiry" by the SEC, things have looked better for The House That Shrek Built. The NY Times reports on the plight facing bite-sized CEO Jeffrey Katzenberg, whose relentless enthusiasm for his movies may have harmed his credibility with the money people:

· DreamWorks Animation is in trouble with a second straight quarter of disappointing DVD sales, an SEC investigation, and six pending shareholder lawsuits. We're starting to feel like it was a bad idea to sell our car to buy into mogul-in-miniature Jeffrey Katzenberg's Shrek-colored vision. [Variety]
· THR has yet another attempt to explain the downturn on European box office decline on sun-woshipping Germans. Left unexplored is the unpleasant possibility that God kind of hated Bewitched. [THR]
· And you can stick this in your Slump: Summer numbers might be down, but overall, studios are have taken in more money than last year. [Variety]
· On a slow Monday night, viewers prefer the culinary abuse of Fox's Hell's Kitchen to rubbernecking as INXS tries to replace their dead singer on national television. [THR]
· Poker is the new poker: Warner Bros. buys the rights to the book One of a Kind: The Rise and Fall of Stuey 'The Kid' Ungar, the tragic story of a poker phenom who died of an overdose. [Variety]

· The Agent Dance, Trades Edition: Late Friday, we heard some rumblings about UTA agents Jason Heyman and Martin Lesak bolting for CAA, apparently because CAA was already calling the trades to brag about their poach. Now the question remains: Will Will Ferrell defect along with Heyman, loosening UTA's stranglehold on the New Gay Mafia and ushering in an era of comedies not packaged by The Ooota? Dave Chappelle is also believed to be "in play," should he ever return to commission-earning activities. [Variety]
· "Dissident former board members" Roy E. Disney and Stanley Gold drop their lawsuit against Disney and give a vote of confidence to new Head Mouse in Charge Robert Iger. The trio then held hands and skipped down to grab a Fast Pass for a celebratory ride on the Matterhorn. [THR]
· The UK entertainment industry refuses to let the terrorists win, return to work creating hit shows that will one day fail on NBC. [Variety]
· Overseas audiences continue to display their enthusiasm for watching America get decimated by aliens, as War of the Worlds has taken in $201 million thus far. [Variety]
· More international box office: Fantastic Four runs roughshod over the overseas box office, once again proving that we are not alone in our bad taste. [THR]

· Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's coyly-handled and tabloid-friendly smoldering sexual relationship seems to have helped Mr. and Mrs. Smith at the box office, while the Insincere-Seeming Publicity Theater of whatshisname and whatshername seems not to have damaged War of the Worlds. [Variety]
· Legendary screenwriter Ernest Lehman (Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, West Side Story, The Sound of Music, and many more) died Saturday at the age of 89. [THR]
· Leonardo DiCaprio's Appian Way will produce an adaptation of Cat's Cradle, hiring the writer of the Joycian masterwork Sahara (and his son) to tackle the Kurt Vonnegut classic. [Variety]
· Tommy Lee Jones joins the cast of thousands in the Robert Altman-directed adaptation of Garrison Keillor's A Prairie Home Companion, will be lovably grizzled alongside Meryl Streep, Kevin Kline, Lindsay Lohan, Virginia Madsen, Woody Harrelson, John C. Reilly, Lily Tomlin and Maya Rudolph. [THR]
· Oh, and by the way: Paris is snubbed as London wins the 2012 Olympics. [Variety]

· WOTW takes in $102.5 million at the overseas box office; analysts attribute the success to the difficulty of properly translating the term "pseudo-science" into various languages. [Variety]
· TNT attempts to fill the void in the mobster cable series void left by the extended hiatus of The Sopranos, develops a "limited series" ("miniseries" is so 2003) based on the life of Chicago crime boss Sam Giancana. [TNT]
· The New Paramount and Warner Bros. are sharing director David Fincher on back-to-back movies, Zodiac and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, splitting the inevitable "gloom and rain" budget overruns. [Variety]
· Because the Nielsen boxes never sleep, even on a holiday: CBS's Boston Pops Fireworks Spectacular 2005 entertained more shut-ins than any other Monday night program. [THR]
· TV producer Lester Lewis pretends to be excited about working with Will & Grace creators David Kohan and Max Mutchnick on their new sitcom, Four Kings. [Variety]

· Var loves cute, extended metaphors: WOTW "wages six day War," "invading" nearly 4,000 screens. Who even knew Tom Cruise had a movie coming out? [Variety]
· Carsey-Werner's Tom Werner might be looking for a rebound hook-up with Mandalay Mosaic TV. Drunken, lustful late-night phonecalls to follow. [THR]
· Not even a bottle to the head can slow Leonardo DiCaprio's career, as the healing actor is in negotiations to play a smuggler in The Blood Diamond for Warner Bros. [Variety]
· A record 32 films have crossed the $100 million threshold in the past twelve months? But what about The Slump? We suspect someone is fudging the Euro-to-dollar conversion rates. [THR]
· Unafraid of the Curse of Jeff Zucker, TV production unit Tollins/Robbins sets up a deal to develop and produce for NBC Universal TV Studio. [Variety]

DreamWorks Animation has taken the next, crucial step to position itself as the new Disney, inspiring its first shareholder lawsuit for "misrepresenting DVD sales of Shrek 2":

· Hillary Clinton is in town to rifle through the pockets of the entertainment industry for campaign donations. Obligingly, there's an opportunity for people of every tax bracket to hobnob and give away money:
$1,000 gets you a chance to dirty the furniture at Warner Bros. COO Alan Horn's house, while a budget-minded $125 cover gets you past the velvet rope at Roland Emmerich's pad (co-hosted by Scarlett Johansson, Jake Gyllenhaal, Xtina, and famed Dem booster Lindsay Lohan). [Variety]
· No-name director Matthew "Who? Oh, I saw the preview for Layer Cake, looks kind of bad" Vaughn leaves Fox's X-Men 3. Desperate to start shooting, Fox is looking to sign up a "promising young helmer" from USC who's made a "kick-ass slideshow" in iPhoto. [THR]
· A $61 million opening for Madagascar isn't enough to keep DreamWorks Animation's stock from dropping 9 percent. Who on Wall Street does studio boss Jeffrey Katzenberg have to climb up on a milk crate and blow to get some respect? [Variety]
· ABC makes $2.7 billion in upfront advertising deals, Teri Hatcher's publicist to immediately start referencing her client's "Billion Dollar Rack." [THR]
· The Farrelly Brothers, the guys responsible for inspiring nearly a decade of splooge jokes in lowbrow comedies, are closing to signing a deal to rewrite and direct a remake of The Heartbreak Kid for DreamWorks. [Variety]