Things got a bit too on the nose during yesterday's episode of Anderson Live when host Anderson Cooper and guest Andy Cohen unfurled VAT19's "Party Python" — a 26-pound, 7-foot-long gummy snake — and proceeded to put both ends of the cherry-flavored innuendo in their mouths.

At last night's MTV VMAs, Justin Bieber debuted his new pet, a flesh-colored snake named Johnson. Is this standard-issue horny boy juvenilia, or has Bieber taken a turn for the Jacko? "I have a snake," the adolescent male says, extending his Johnson to his girlfriend. "Stop!" the nubile female cries, pushing the fleshy mound away. "I know." [Video via MTV]

[Actor Hugh Jackman playing with balls in the snow. What? Image via Bauer-Griffin]

There is so little "real news," in August. So you can create your own conspiratorial mythology, like Glenn Beck, or you can just turn literally everything you say into a "that's what she said" joke, like everyone else on TV.