Introducing McDonald's New York Special, a new sandwich being marketed in the UK. It has smoked cheese, bacon, onion mayonnaise, and onions. This is not New York. It doesn't come with a $12 cup of coffee, does it? [via]

This is a list of hopefully fake products that you can purchase for your canine companion. They include a chastity belt, condoms, and "HotDoll: The Sex Toy for Dogs." [11 Points]

Amid its quest for profits, Twitter Inc. has a proposition for programmers: Whisper a password, hand over five hundred dollars, and prepare to pound the microblogging startup's servers hard, all night.

A prematurely born baby: died, given a death certificate, had funeral arrangements made for him. Then he started crying from his box. Also, I read the tag on the linked post as "Old Stuff," which - LOLZ - terrible. [Guanabee]

It was inevitable from the moment Gwyneth Paltrow named her website "Goop" that it would come to this: advice from the movie star on bowel movements. Stop reading now.

"'There is enormous interest' by Warner Bros., [said HBO's] Michael Lombardo... 'And I think, in fact, they're trying, with our help, to put that together now. When that happens, how long between, can't say.'" [TV Decoder]

Quick: Which one of these two boxes is an ad, and which is official Times Web content? Both ran in a column down the right side of an nytimes.com business news article, both have headlines in sans-serif font, both use the exact same link colors. It turns out the one with the big corporate logo (on the right) is actually the editorial content, while the one designed to look like a trustworthy Times table of contents is actually an ad, taking the reader to awful, faux-objective content like this. Congratulations, Times. I read a lot of fairly scuzzy media websites in the course of a day, and I've never been tricked quite this completely. Or as Ashton Kutcher likes to call it, "Link'd."

When you see some random guy walking down a crowded street talking on his cell phone, lost in his own world, you probably think to yourself: there is a man I would like to smash right in the face. If a cell phone company were to find some way to successfully incorporate that feeling into its marketing plan, it would be genius. Instead, US Cellular goes and makes what is, by critical consensus, the most asinine cell phone ad of the year. That's because its premise is that that same man walking along yakking obliviously into his cell would actually make the entire world around him happy. Which just makes you want to smash him even more:

A Craigslist ad today offers law school grads in New York the chance to, uh, cross-examine one another at a Manhattan apartment. Studying for the state bar exam is, of course, quite stressful, so the plan is to cut loose with a weekly orgy. But no gathering of legal vipers, no matter how unconventional, would be complete without a clearly defined set of rules to parse and eventually argue about. For example, there's no talking about your law firm, no talking about your law school, no using your real name, an equal number of men and women, and, to ensure no uglies, everyone has to send a picture, "but you can blur your face." The event, for all involved, should make for some awkward depositions and court appearances in the coming years, but it's not like it will disqualify anyone from, say, becoming a governor, Congressman or senator. The original ad has been pulled from Craigslist, but there's a copy after the jump (sans a small, grainy orgy photo).

New York's Dance Parade—a parade about dancing and against the city's outdated cabaret laws—is a cool idea, but this bossy e-mail missive to promote it is the worst: "I need your support with this dance parade thing. Monetary or just blast it for me. I know that you charge for this [We don't] but I have no budget to actually pay. I am working so hard to save our way of life... This directly affects you, shit without socialdancing your (sic) out of a job." No, without internet advertising I'm out of a job. Socialdancing is a mere perk.

If you were wondering why everyone running for president was talking like a wrestler yesterday instead of retaining some semblance of dignity, you'll be happy to find out the candidates were merely practicing for a new presidential tradition begun by George W. Bush: Appearing on a TV game show and cracking jokes. That might sound a little cheesy, but it was for a good cause. The president, you see, wanted to honor an Iraq veteran with the sort of dignity only host Howie Mandel can conjure on Deal Or No Deal. "Are you ready to get some acknowledgement for your hard work and bravery?" Mandel asked. Oh, sure, what the hell:

Thank heavens for celebrity gossip Perez Hilton and his new radio deal, because otherwise there would be no one to "show how the blogosphere is generating new talent for the traditional media," as the Wall Street Journal puts it. Perez will make three-minute radio shows for stations in New York, Los Angeles, Chicago and elsewhere, for use during rush hours. He's also starring in a summer movie called Gays Gone Wild and has a book deal. Hilariously, the Journal said Perez wants to "carefully cultivate" his public image, just like Paris Hilton. Also, This Changes Everything:

Walking westward on Prince St. between Mulberry and Mott Streets, I heard a woman's voice in my head whispering, "Who's there? Who's there?" Not like I "heard" a woman's voice like when I wear flared jeans with skinny shoes and I "hear" a woman's voice in my head say, "Wait, you've got to be kidding?" but like an actual woman's voice in my head. This usually means I've had a psychotic break.

Oooh, it looks like Katie Couric has scored an interview with Hillary Clinton for the evening news! We just really really hope that this picture, up on the Drudge Report where the story is being reported, isn't a still from some home movie Couric's got her hands on. Do. Not. Want.

How in the name of all that is magabranding and holy can Details put Kevin Federline on its cover FOR THE SECOND TIME? (The first was all the way back in March, 2005: "the second-worst selling issue of the year," says WWD.) Do not understand! [Memo Pad]

Call it what you will—Live with a Douche or Live with a Sadult—but Craigslist is a treasure trove not just of places to live but of places not to live. In this edition, we meet Michelle and Emily, two Queens-living young ladies who just can't figure out why their roommates keep leaving them.

"In town for a new product launch this week, Starbucks chief executive Howard Schultz implied that New Yorkers were wholeheartedly embracing the changing character of their city. Asked just how many Starbucks locations he thinks the city can support, Schultz discussed the many emails he gets requesting new stores." Uh, yeah. If there are any New Yorkers out there who have sent Howard Schultz an e-mail asking for YET ANOTHER STARBUCKS, we want you to come down to the office this afternoon. We'd like to a) verify that you really exist and b) stab you in the genitals with a rusty hacksaw. [AMNY]

This tops the list of four-word phrases that we file in our "DO NOT WANT" folder. We're not even sure if this really is White Stripes drummer Meg White taking it in a variety of different positions; if it is, she's showing more rhythm that she's ever previously displayed. TOTALLY NOT SAFE FOR WORK. [Fleshbot]

Today's teenage girls have some serious ish to contend with, and it cannot be helping that our former intern and current Radarer Neel Shah is being allowed to give them advice under the auspices of his unofficial position as Spokesman For Boys. This month in Cosmogirl, he explains the five reasons "Why Guys Lie." For starters: "See, unlike girls, when guys lie, we're not really thinking about the benefits or consequences to what we're saying." This is a lie. The article is full of lies, actually!

How can we describe Alan Feuer's profile of Laura Albert in today's New York Times? It is misery. For one thing, we are told that the woman formerly known as JT Leroy is now reduced to living in a "San Francisco walk-up." You know what? If she was actually poor she'd move to Oakland like everyone else. And anyway, how many buildings shorter than six floors in quake country actually have an elevator? "Ms. Albert has veracity issues. Can she be trusted? What, in short, should be discarded? What believed?" That's fun, coming from a guy with a bullshit memoir. He then describes Atascadero, California as "a cheerless town of bedding stores," which is sad, as he might have enjoyed knowing that Atascadero is actually home to California's favorite all-male maximum security psychiatric facility, which employs a decent percentage of the town's residents. Boy he would have loved to torture that metaphor. Then they get to L.A. and David Milch shows up and gives her some cash and boy I bet he wish he'd kept that $500 bucks, now that, thank God, "John From Cincinnati" got shot in the face.