During the greatest sociological experiment of our time, we've seen our eight subjects in their natural habitat in New Jersey, in their adopted homes of Miami and Florence, but never have we seen them actually interact with, you know, nature. There is a reason for that.
Something serious and sad is threatening the greatest sociological experiment of our time: couples. Yes, it seems like everyone is paired up and Snooki is even expecting Jersey Shore's first virgin birth. Haha. Just kidding. Snooki's no virgin. And Situation got Vinny pregnant when he touched the smush bed anyway. That was the first.
Finally, the members of the greatest sociological experiment of our time forage for their own food, and they promptly caught crabs. No, the actual crustaceans. They did not contract a horrible case of pubic lice, though they did make lots of jokes about it. The guidos never change.
Yes the major event of the most important sociological experiment of our time had to do with cake. Who ate the cake? Remember when our subjects used to crawl in the hot tub and vomit on themselves?
The favorite food of many people who enjoy the greatest sociological experiment of our time is, of course, a meatball sandwich. We love when Snooki and Deena get together, even if what they're doing is stupid, immature, and somewhat immoral.
Oh the harm that can befall a guidette during the greatest sociological experiment of our time. Sure she can't be sullied by reputation, but there are still horrible fates than can befall her, like the intractable tangle of her weave. And that was just the start of last night's disasters.
Last night during the greatest sociological experiment of our time, we had to deal with the most threatening psychological illness of our time: anxiety. Yes, Vinny, of the carefree manner and enormous schlong, was dealing with a crippling case of ennui.
Just like everything else about her nuptials, it seems like Kim Kardashian jumped the gun ordering her holiday cards with her wedding photo on them. Kristen Wiig is hanging out in her undies. Katy Perry is not pregnant. Paz de la Huerta ruined the ending of Boardwalk Empire. Tuesday's gossip has been known to make mistakes.
The last episode of any chapter of Jersey Shore, the greatest sociological experiment of our time, is always a little bit sad. It's so hard to see these guys go, but this time, it was all a bit strange as we looked toward the future and tried to make reparations for the past.
Taking the eight guidos from Jersey Shore, the most important sociological experiment of our time, to Italy was supposed to get them in touch with their roots—to give them a sense of their place in the universe. Instead, it only created so many monsters.
Finally, we get a glimpse of all the death and destruction the guidos of Jersey Shore bring to Florence for their fourth season. It's like the Fellini movie that we always wanted. It's time to get excited, everyone!
DJ Paulie Lis filed a suit in a Hartford court looking for $4 million dollars in damages because he says his DJ business and copyrighted name "DJ Paulie" have been rendered valueless ever since Jersey Shore's DJ Paulie Destruction came onto the scene. Turf war!
Everything must eventually end and—like sucking the lemon, disposing the condom, or unclogging the toilet—the final transmission of Jersey Shore was the final gesture of the greatest sociological experiment of our time.
As our subjects in the most important sociological experiment of our time get close to the end of their summer, they start to fall into old patterns and must face their oldest and deadliest villains. Oh, and Sammi said "done" again. The apocalypse is nigh.
As the season wears on in Seaside Heights, the eight subjects in what is and forever shall be the most important sociological experiment of our time grow listless. Their behavior becomes simultaneously erratic and monotonous. Then the same torturous storyline comes along again to fill up the tedium.
