Once upon a time, a lot of gangsters got together and built some casinos in the middle of a desert. For inexplicable reasons, these casinos were allowed to flourish into a major metropolitan area: Las Vegas. Now, that city is staring down a dry, waterless future.

I do not have the scientific expertise to offer a worthwhile opinion on the practice of "fracking." All I know is: whatever you do, do not worry about all the earthquakes it is causing!

A 43 year-old California man is missing after being swept out to sea during a baptism ceremony led by Jesus Christ Light of the Sky church.

This week, President Obama mentioned that he is "concerned" with "the prospect of a nuclear weapon going off in Manhattan." What are the chances that that will happen in our lifetime? Let's guess!

The California drought is killing all the almonds, causing prices to surge to record levels and sending major buyers scrambling across the globe for new sources of almond supplies. Damn. Almonds are good though.

The skyline of "The Big Apple" is festooned with soaring, glass-sheathed condo high rises, where the world's wealthy shelter in altitudinous luxury, away from the teeming masses. With a little luck, all of those people will die in a heat wave.

When the huge invasion of snowy owls began this winter, was it wrong for us to feel delight? These beautiful raptors from the arctic tundra do not often show up on the American East Coast, after all. But the sheer number of snowy owls should have been a warning, both to the owls themselves and to our sense of wonder.

Scientists using a new form of analysis say that an earthquake south of Los Angeles would cause "stronger-than-expected ground movement" in the city. Since it was already expected that Los Angeles will be totally wiped off the fucking map, we suggest that L.A. residents begin calmly making their way out.

Some people thought that Detroit, a city that is bankrupt, might have to sell off the valuable art in its art museum in order to help pay its debts. Detroit will not have to do this after all.

In a development that can only be described as shocking as well as startling, a proposed Noah's Ark Theme Park in Kentucky is having some financing problems. Do we have an investment idea for you!

This seeing eye dog, Orlando, leapt onto the subway tracks yesterday to save his blind master. Would your dog do the same thing?

If you're anything like me, your favorite movie of 2013 so far is "Amazing Helmet-Cam Video of Skydivers on One Plane When Another Plane Hits Them," followed by Olympus Has Fallen. How many planes must crash into one another triumphantly before we accept that air travelers should all be wearing parachutes?

A quarter century ago, the US government decided that Yucca Mountain, Nevada would be where we would store all of our deadly nuclear waste. So where is our deadly nuclear waste today? Oh, just spread out all over the place.

Healthcare.gov, the website where Americans are supposed to sign up for healthcare exchanges created under the 2010 Affordable Care Act, is buggy as fuck. The exchanges don’t officially take effect until early 2014, but in the meantime signing up for one is somewhere between difficult and impossible.

After initial fictional reports that "marijuana" was the cause of the devastating High Sierra inferno that nearly burned up Yosemite National Park, the actual cause has been found. It was a man shooting wildlife in the forest, and his illegal campfire started the 370-square-mile Rim Fire.

With all the talk these days of a "global warming crisis" and "looming planetary disaster," it may sometimes be hard to know what to think. Relax: our global warming crisis and looming planetary disaster are going exactly as scheduled.

One year ago, America had bigger things to worry about than A-Rod's pharmaceutical regimen and the latest tripe from Beyonce: a huge, well-deserved drought covering the majority of the country. What has the new summer brought us? More drought. And now we must suffer for our sins.

Uh oh, radioactive water leaking into the ocean from Japan's damaged Fukushima nuclear reactor is causing "an emergency," right now.

Moments after being dragged from the wreckage, the driver of the train that derailed in northwest Spain on Wednesday, killing 78, told his rescuers "I have fucked it up. I want to die."

One of the two men at the helm of the Spanish train that derailed yesterday reportedly posted photos of his train's speedometer on Facebook to boast about going as fast as he could go.