With contemptuous Jews and indulgent Gentiles, squadrons of strollers and the occasional stuck tampon, Brooklyn outpaces its smaller brother Manhattan in as many measures as man can devise. One such measure we devised: The Most Pretentious Dining Club Invitation Circulated on A Brown Alumni Message Board. Representing Brooklyn is the Brooklyn Food Group. Among the nearly unimpeachable arguments in Brooklyn's favor, "Dress is Brooklyn chic, that is, casual" and "Setting will be elegant, company will be eclectic, and cuisine is what we call 'free-range Brooklyn'—always seasonal, always fresh, always exciting." Ooh, free-range Brooklyn? I can't wait for a free-range Brooklyn toddler gently roasted in a cilantro-lime marinade.