CBS News' Mike Wallace, Dick Clark, who died over the weekend this morning at 82 93, is being hailed as an icon of broadcast journalism teenage dance shows for his foundational role as 60 Minutes' American Bandstand's investigative sock-hop bulldog. This is bullshit. He was a failed soap actor and vaudeville hack radio weatherman named Myron Dick Clay who just wanted wanted to be on television. He was as much a journalist teenage dance show provocateur as Ryan Seacrest.

Venerable Jack-of-all-TV-trades Dick Clark passed away this morning of a massive heart attack, his spokesman confirmed.

On Monday we learned about a curious new venture from Premiere Radio Networks that offers radio shows "voice talent to take/make your on-air calls"—in other words, fake talk-radio callers.

• The cover of Vanity Fair's February issue will likely turn plenty of heads: It features a barechested Tiger Woods pumping iron. The photo by Annie Leibovitz was taken before the Woods sex scandal unfolded, however. [VF]
• Is New York Post editor Col Allan retiring? That's the rumor, although Allan says it's just "wishful thinking" on the part of the Daily News. [NYM, Politico]
• Cable spats: Fox and Time Warner reached a deal in their dispute on Friday. But Cablevision customers are still without the Food Network and HGTV.
• Dick Clark has clearly seen better days, but ABC's NYE telecast was No. 1 on Thursday night. NBC's Carson Daly-hosted program came in No. 2. [Variety]
• Disgraced ex-Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich will be one of the "stars" on the next season of Celebrity Apprentice, you'll be thrilled to hear. [UPI]
• Ten years after he presided over the merger of Time Warner and AOL, Jerry Levin now says it was all a big mistake and he's really, really sorry. [THR]
• Good news! The ad market for newspapers, magazines is looking up. [WSJ]
• Arianna Huffington and Glamour's Cindi Leive plan to sleep a lot in '10. [HP]
• Avatar was once again No. 1 at the box office this weekend. The film has now grossed more than $1 billion around the world since it was released. [THR]

"Real Housewife" Jill Zarin turns 46 today. Ben Stiller is turning 44. Actor Gael García Bernal is 31. Writer/director David Mamet is 62. Model Chanel Iman is turning 20. Director Ridley Scott is turning 72. TV legend Dick Clark turns 80 today. Billy Idol is 54. Elisha Cuthbert, the actress and ex-girlfriend of Sean Avery, is 27. Actress Amy Ryan turns 40. Performance artist Marina Abramovic is 63. Retired NFL and MLB star Bo Jackson turns 47. Watergate burglar-turned-radio host G. Gordon Liddy is 79. Clay Aiken is turning 31. And Joan Ganz Cooney, the Sesame Street creator, wife of billionaire financier Pete Peterson, and step-grandmother to PC Peterson, is 80.

We hope your NYE was as joyous, wasted, and overstuffed as ours was, and your First Hangover of 2009—which felt like a tiny monkey putting up drywall inside our skull—has abated.

Which New Year's Eve TV experience was more painful: Kathy Griffin screaming about knocking "dicks outta your mouth" on CNN, or Dick Clark's stroke-ravaged Frankenstein muttering on ABC? Click to watch and choose.

With seemingly so little to be thankful for this upcoming Turkey Devouring Day, at least we have the happy news that Dick Clark will be rejoining the 2008 New Year's Rockin' Eve festivities, where he'll again be accompanied by a virtually strikeproof Ryan Seacrest. There, at the precise stroke of midnight (perhaps an unfortunate choice of wording given the circumstances), Seacrest will finally deliver the noisemaker-blowing go-ahead to his delighted mentor, resulting in the faintest kazoo-squeak signal for "Auld Lang Syne" to begin.

· Remember that Tom Cruise guy? Black Book's Carice Van Houten will be starring opposite him in Valkyrie, Cruise's big Hitler-hunting comeback picture. [THR]
· A big day in Cruise news: Daniel Snyder, who famously hooked up Cruise with some rent money and a theme-park greeter job when the actor was down on his luck after his dumping by Paramount, has bought Dick Clark Productions, producers of the Golden Globes. Ownership of Dick Clark himself was not transferred in the deal. [Variety]
· Jack Black and director Todd Phillips are partnering for the Warner Bros. comedy Man-Witch, whose entire concept is encapsulated in those incredibly efficient hyphenated words. Also mistakenly purchased before the magic-related project were the rights to Manwich, the story of a average schlub's love of Sloppy Joe-style sandwiches, when the Warner Bros. development executive yelped "We're buying it if Jack Black is in it!" before allowing the writers to complete their pitch. [Variety]
· NBC scores with their Dateline interview of Princes William and Harry, but our new favorite summer show, Kittens Vs. Cougars: The Battle To Bone Mark Philippoussis, premiered unimpressively for the network. [THR]
· Disney signs Wild Hogs auteur Walt Becker to a first-look deal, where he will direct and produce a variety of John Travolta-starring comedy projects. [Variety]

An ABC publicity photo promoting their annual depressing-party-in-a-box, New Year's Rockin' Eve, is causing controversy for having Photoshopped in a smiling, fully upright, pre-stroke Dick Clark next to co-hosts Hilary Duff and Ryan Seacrest:

· Sensing a chance to finally behead momentarily weakened New Year's Eve immortal Dick Clark, Fox recruits Regis Philbin to host a competing ball-dropping special to ring in 2006. [Variety]
· The Agent Dance, Dump The Sharks Edition: Gary Oldman flees CAA to cozy up with ICM. [THR]
· Disney crosses the international box office billion-dollar mark, making them the third studio (along with Fox and Warner Bros.) to do so this year. Please join us in celebrating the further enrichment of faceless multimedia conglomerates! Huzzah! [Variety]
· Penguins still red-hot, tragicomic bear-wranglers not so much: The Academy shortlists a record 15 documentaries for nomination, including March of the Penguins, but not Grizzly Man. [Variety]
· Because nothing says gravitas like the words "From the star of The Waterboy and the creative force behind The Mind of the Married Man," we can't imagine anyone else collaborating on a 9/11 drama but Adam Sandler and Mike Binder. [Variety]