1. See incredibly prolific, crowd-baiting songsmith Ryan Adams at the Wiltern. There's a 50/50 chance he'll write a new album's worth of material as you drive to the venue, so expect that you might not recognize all of his songs. Also, he leaves awesome voicemails for contrarian journalists.
2. Admire the dazzling hair and inimitable vocal stylings of Christopher Walken at a preview of his upcoming film Around the Bend at the Egyptian tonight. Walken will hang around to discuss the movie, schedule permitting; we unofficially recommend you bar the theater door should the wily actor try to escape before the Q&A.
3. Reinvest what you would have spent on a cover charge in cheap beer as The High Speed Scene and The Futureheads take the stage at Spaceland's free Monday night show.

We have it on good authority the above-featured apparition may be presidential candidate John Kerry, appearing in holographic form outside of the Tower O' Nasty. Apparently not yet comfortable enough to show his solidified self in a post-RNC New York, Kerry took to stealth spectral shape whilst holding up traffic and generally annoying anyone trying to get into the Gap.

Sightings are sent in by our obsessive-compulsive readers; send yours to tips@gawker.com.

Friday
1. Visit the art galleries of Los Feliz, Silver Lake, and Echo Park at the Silver Lake Art Crawl. We exceeded our quota of lame trucker hat/ironic t-shirt quips sometime around Sunset Junction, so please go and sincerely enjoy the art and the Eastside. (Runs all weekend)
Saturday
2. Did we mention that we love free stuff? (Our appreciation of the gratis is rooted more in economic necessity than the weird sense of privilege that makes people in the industry tear each other limb from limb when they start handing out goodie bags at an event, but we digress.) Anyway, KCRW’s Next Up Showcase of Independent Local Artists (featuring performances by AM, Jesca Hoop, Quincy and Blue-Eyed Son) on the Santa Monica Pier is all sorts of free.
3. Another thing we love: pictures of naked people. Especially the classy, "erotica" kind. Check out the LA Erotica exhibition at the Clair Obscur Gallery. [Link NSFW]
4. Hear proof that rock has murdered nu-metal, as the KROQ Inland Invasion features Franz Ferdinand, The Killers, Death Cab for Cutie, and Muse. We're ever so sad to see Korn and Staind going the way of the dinosaur.
Sunday
5. Note the moment when every single winner at the Emmys Awards stares off into the distance, ever so briefly contemplating how they can parlay their little gold statue into a film career. Garry Shandling has been broken out of cold storage to host.

1. Randall Wallace, best-selling author of Pearl Harbor and Braveheart, reads from his latest novel, Love and Honor, at the Borders in Westwood. Please don't go if you're only going to blame him for Mel Gibson's Jesus complex or what Michael Bay did to WWII. He's just a writer. No one in Hollywood pays attention to writers.
2. Green Day performs their "punk opera" tonight at the Henry Fonda. Expect a heartfelt tribue to fallen Johnny Ramone, as Green Day owes their incredible piles of cash to the influence of the Ramones. Let's hope they take a stab at covering "I Wanna Be Sedated" rather than dedicating "Time of Your Life" to Johnny.
3. Hang around the Los Angeles Korean Festival and try to find out how to get into those K-town clubs that let you smoke indoors and serve alcohol long after L.A.'s ridiculous 2 a.m. curfew.

1. Now that your Prozac bottle is depressingly empty, embrace your blues at the BB King Blues Festival at the Hollywood Bowl. And no, this isn't the "White Stripes" blues, so there's no reason to fear swimming through a crowd of pouty hipsters.
2. You can watch movies like Dog Day Afternoon, Point Break, or even Sugar and Spice to learn different techniques for robbing a bank, or you pick up some tricks of the trade from real-life bank robber Joy Loya, who'll read from his memoir The Man Who Outgrew His Prison Cell: Confessions of a Bank Robber at Borders in Pasadena.
3. Celebrate Rosh Hashanah with an Atkins-friendly meal that even your Gentile personal trainer can get behind.

Sightings are sent in by readers; send yours to tips@gawker.com.

—Have a "religion" long enough, and eventually you're going to spawn a crazed killer. Funny, we'd always expected that person would have been Madonna after another failed Guy Ritchie collaboration or a backstage magic water shortage. [via Jew School]
—Some people with too much time on their hands declare that "You're fired" is the top catchphrase on TV. Unfortunately, there is no subcategory for "top looks of existential desperation," to recognize the work of the actors on the North Shore. Who are we kidding? They probably just have gas.
—Fanboy porn: A side-by-side comparison of changes made to the Star Wars DVD. You really can abuse yourself to it if you put in the effort.
—Check out IndieWire's excellent blog coverage of the Toronto Film Festival, because they went to Canada so you don't have to.
—Having been married to James "King of the World" Cameron can be hazardous to your mental health.

1. Drink beer out of ridiculously large glasses, eat brats so large your doctor would slap you, and indulge your dormant lederhosen fetish at the annual Oktoberfest at Alpine Village. Yeah, you'll have to travel a bit, but you'll thank us when you wake up next to an oompah band accordion player tomorrow morning.
2. Watch a fresh-faced, pre-Sarah Jessica Parker/pre-Nathan Lane Matthew Broderick, as the Santa Monica Pier hosts a free screening of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. And by all means, try to put all of Principal Rooney's recent problems out of your head.
3. For an alternate 80s experience, Tears for Fears is doing an in-store gig at Tower Sunset. Enjoy the musical nostalgia trip, but be forewarned: Chanting "Shout/Shout/Let it all out" may now carry unexpected consequences with the aging band.

Hollywood PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our hawk-eyed readers. Send yours to tips@defamer.com and let Vincent Gallo know you've caught him perving on college girls.

We've got some devastating news for those with aspirations of instant hip-hop stardom and VIP access to the champagne room on P. Diddy's yacht: You're not going to win a record deal at the Win A Record Deal blog, where the largesse of producer Fallon "Buddha" Jones and his "Triggerstreet Records" offer a contest awarding a recording contract at random to someone who answers three simple questions about their "sponsors." (Which is likely a scheme to induce clickthroughs on their Google Ads.)

—According to the Smoking Gun, Growing Pains actress Tracey Gold was popped for a DUI a couple of weeks ago. Did she learn nothing from the Very Special Episode of her show where Matthew Perry was killed while drunk driving? We must all heed the lessons of sitcoms past.
—Oprah has too much fucking money. Also, she gave everyone in her audience a car.
—Catherine Zeta-Jones might not have been nearly kidnapped in Mexico after all. That should have both the Mexican Tourism Board and her stalker breathing a little easier.
—Who's paying the bills at JenniferAniston.com? Apparently, no one.
—Low Culture examines airports other than LAX that might soon get the television treatment.
—Stepchild-minding sister blog Fleshbot cooks up a brief game of Guess the Mystery MILF, although in fairness, that designation is a bit premature.

1. Paris Hilton signs (yet again) her book, Confessions of an Heiress: A Tongue-in-Chic Peek Behind the Pose tonight at Book Soup. It's hard to imagine that her hard-core fans didn't get their Paris fix at Brentano's last week, but why not go and see how long it takes her hand to cramp up from the exertion? Or, if you're not a Paris fan...
2. The cock-eyed optimist activists from H.O.P.E. (Horrified Observers of Pedestrian Entertainment) will be protesting the Hilton book signing from in front of the Tower Records on the opposite side of Sunset Blvd, all in the name of restoring quality entertainment to the masses. We smell an old-fashioned rumble!

Today, Defamer and Gawker Media (you know, the people that sign our paychecks and keep us in off-brand whiskey from huge, plastic bottles) launch a custom blog for A Dirty Shame, the latest movie from the twisted John Waters. Gawker HQ has signed up evil genius Remy Stern (from the New Yorkish blog and Gawker's previous Nike "Art of Speed" custom blog) to handle the writing duties and fill you in on the cinematic collision of Johnny Knoxville, Selma Blair, head injuries, and sexual obsessions. Stop by, say hello, and find out why the Catholic Church has already branded the movie "morally offensive."

Sightings are sent in by readers; send yours to tips@gawker.com.

Today Gawker Media once again dips its dirty little fingers into contract publishing with the launch of the A Dirty Shame Weblog, a short-term site devoted to John Waters' latest film.

—The LAW's Nikki Finke on why we should've seen Michael Eisner's time-delayed resignation coming a mile away.
—The writer of Boxing Helena squats on the Buddha's head, which is somewhat predictably upsetting to Buddhists everywhere.
—Foul-mouthed sister blog Wonkette offers an illustrated definition of "compassionate conservatism."
—This happens every time: An actress gives in to motherhood, saddles the infant with an utterly retarded name, then loses the will to work. We'd secretly hoped that Gwyneth would rise above that particular cliché.
—LA.comfidential expands our vocabulary, ensuring that we'll be slapped the next time we're out at a club.

Friday
1. Celebrate what the MPAA ratings system once considered tittilating in the pre-pie-fucking era at the Egyptian Theatre's "For Adults Only: Pre-NC17 Cinema in America," featuring Last Tango in Paris, A Clockwork Orange, and Midnight Cowboy. (Runs tonight through Sunday.)
2. Have you never seen a pig in person, except for on the end of a spoiled actor's leash during his "exotic pet" phase? Remedy that situation at the L.A. County Fair, which opens today in Pomona.
Saturday
3. If you've always wanted to see Radiohead in concert but fear eighteen-minute, atmospheric jams full of computerized bleeps, maybe you'd enjoy a night with Keane at Avalon. They're also doing an in-store at Virgin Megastore earlier that day, should you find yourself working out at Crunch and want to see some music.
Sunday
4. Ben Watt of Buzzin’ Fly (formerly of Everything But The Girl) will perform at Deep on behalf of Rock the Vote to encourage the dance community to exercise their power in the upcoming election. We suppose they could've called the event "Dance the Vote," but that just has too much of a Broadway vibe. "Drop X to the Vote"? Now that really would've brought the crowds.

↑ Mary-Kate Olsen is pretending to eat! And her apartment is freaking huge.
↑ When reality stars hit the warpath, we lose our pants! Paris Hilton pisses off Victoria Gotti, Lizzie Grubman plays peacemaker.
↑ Cintra Wilson tells about freelancing like it is, then throws an insane book party.
↑ Hamptons season is officially over (though our hearts will never leave); the Post recaps the best of times and the worst of times.
↑ We pester Ronnie Koenig, Patrick Smith, Rosecrans Baldwin and Andrew Womack,
↑ Simon Dumenco explores the optioning process down to its dirty core: the development of "Power Girls."
↑ Anderson Cooper, we're proud of you: you're almost out of your closet!
↑ Fashion Week kicks off. So many clogged toilets.
↑ Franz Ferdinand makes the hipsters wet themselves.

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