We wish all of our readers a very merry Christmas and happy holiday season, and we're looking forward to another year where you're far more naughty than you are nice. May your days be filled with back-nine pickups, three-picture deals, and temporary immunity from the next inevitable round of Miramax layoffs.

We'd like to take a moment to thank this week's sponsors, whose support ensures that we're not borrowing our eggnog money from the Salvation Army Santa's red bucket. If you'd like to advertise on Defamer and touch the hearts of our spending-crazed readers, see our ad info page.:

Heartfelt thanks to this week's sponsors, who have ensured that our holidays are overflowing with fruitcakes and yule logs. Interested in joining our advertising cult? More info here.

Christmas In Chinatown [Verbose Coma]

· For the moviegoer impatient to devour the new holiday releases, a pair of midnight screenings at the ArcLight: Phantom of the Opera (a possible Oscar contender!) and Meet the Fockers (has a cat that can flush a toilet!). Ah, to be in two places at the same time!
· Jailbait-y indie-pop stars The Like are like, totally at the Viper Room. Despite our lame attempt at airhead whimsy, they are not Valley girls from 1984. They are, however, totally awesome.
· Choreographer Matthew Bourne's Nutcracker is described as "a visual feast for all the senses," which sounds like it will be endlessly entertaining to the stoned.

A spy catches motormouth auteur Quentin Tarantino kicking some cross-country-style game at LAX:

Hollywood PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are sent in by our readers. Send yours to tips@defamer.com and ensure that Teri Hatcher feels bad the other Housewives are dining without her.

· Joel Stein's column this week is about Martha Stewart, or Susan Lyne, or about how Martha Stewart fired him... OK, we're not exactly sure what it's about, but shit, is there anyone who hasn't fired this guy? [reg. req'd.]
· "After the Ovitz Trial: Ushering in a New Era of Humility in Hollywood": Somehow, Michael Eisner driving his own rental car to the airport is a sign of a "new era of humility" in Hollywood. [reg. req'd.]
· From Bardot to Macpherson to Lohan...it's all very clear now, thanks to Gawker.
· C-list celebrity autographs make the perfect stocking stuffer.

· Despair ye all who refuse to rock here: Turbonegro plays at the House of Blues with the Eagles of Death Metal.
· There's definitely some kind of disconnect between Los Angeles and ice skating, but what the hell—strap on the skates and remember what your ass feels like after two hours of falling down.
· Director Antoine Fuqua and producer Jerry Bruckheimer will do the requisite Q & A session following a screening of the director's cut of King Arthur at the ArcLight. We offer a five dollar reward to anyone who asks Bruckheimer exactly how he fought his impulse to make a horse covered in armor explode.

Scarlett Johansson's escorting of Derek Jeter to last week's Microsoft party at Geisha House had the tabloids atwitter with possible breaking canoodling news, but one of our readers has already spotted her back with her homeless-chic snuggle-buddy:

· Tom Hanks joins the litany of A-listers who are fleeing Pat "The Iron Flack" Kingsley's PMK/HBH like her old-lady hair is on fire and she's holding an armload of dead puppies. Leslee Dart, it seems, holds only living, adorable puppies and uses a flame-retardant hair product.
· Beware! That Santa Claus in your crosswalk may be the fuzz! [via LA.comfidential]
· Craigslist never fails to provide creepy outlets for all of your on-camera ass-kicking impulses.
· A lawyer sues the Governator and Skeletor over some mold and tennis courts in a house he bought from them.
· For reasons we cannot possibly fathom, red-carpet-loving nutcase Bai Ling has knee bandages with Jude Law's picture on them.

Friday
· Enjoy some old school hip hop in Los Feliz, where local DJs Anti-Skating Device spin at Vida.
· The always excellent Earlimart will rawk you gently, then not so gently, and then gently again at the Troubadour.
Saturday
· Get some original re-issued rock vintage concert shirts at the Trunk LTD sample sale. Because nothing is cooler
than pretending you puked at a 1978 Bachman Turner Overdrive show and remembered to buy a t-shirt...when you were, like, three years old.
· Peter Bogdanovich, director and shrink-to-the-shrink on The Sopranos, hosts a book signing at the Grove.
Possible topic of discussion: what Cybil Shepard was like in the sack. Yes, sometimes we even disappoint ourselves.
Sunday
· Just in time to celebrate the birth of Jesus, Marilyn Manson performs the second night of a three-night stand of MTV-ready glam/goth/devil-in-eyeliner-and-fake-tits rock at the Wiltern. God, he's so transgressive.

We'd like to thank this week's sponsors, without whom we'd be doing awful, awful things to awful, awful people in horribly unfashionable parts of town, just to make the rent. If you'd like to advertise on Defamer and reach the world's hottest consumers, see our ad info page.

Special thanks to this week's sponsors, whose support helped us to buy coal for our interns. Interested? More info here.

In January, after what will be about eight months of this site's existence, the Gawker Media mothership is attempting to throw a party for Defamer. This raises some interesting questions: Where the hell should we have this party? Do you own a nightclub, bar, or personal residence you're dying to have trashed? Do you own a liquor company that wants to sponsor us with a truckload (a small truckload, really, for about 150 alcoholics) of booze? Are we fucking insane to try and plan a party in four weeks? We're shooting for January 11, 12, or 13th as the date, right after the town settles in after the holidays and literally moments before the entire industry flees to Sundance. Send your pledges of help, your ideas, or offended comments to tips@defamer.com and we'll get the ball rolling. (Or the whole thing will blow up in our faces, but hey, that's almost as fun as a party.)

· If you're inviting boys over to the ranch to look at some harmless porno mags, always, always remember to wipe off the fingerprints. Off the magazine, sicky.
· A Stuff magazine web page inadvertently becomes a comparative study of Tara Reid's pre- and post-surgery breasts.
· The siren call of the Mystery Booty lures journalist Seth Mnookin to his eventual doom.
· We've never seen the show, but today's entry from the blog of two contestants seems to have a lot of people excited.
· "A Conversation Between Me and Pop Sensation Lindsay Lohan, In Which She Speaks In Song Titles From Her Latest Album."
· Don't judge: The holidays can be a very lonely time, and everyone deserves a little companionship. [via Screenhead]

· The LA Film Lab presents Dark, an "eclectic event that brings together musicians, painters, fashion designers and models in a party style setting" at Avalon, benefiting the Make A Wish Foundation. Best of all, it features two different levels of VIP pricing, so you can support a worthy charity and perhaps avoid your assistant at the same time.
· To do, if you're a Trojan (or just sleeping with one): The USC Alumni Club of Downtown & Hollywood hosts their Industry Networking Holiday Blowout at 1650 Schrader.
· It’s all about the locals tonight: Moving Units at the El Rey, Midnight Movies at the Silverlake Lounge. and Irving and Silversun Pick-ups at the Echo.

· "However, since my involvement, the film has steadily moved away from the realm of fandom and more toward the realm of traditional Hollywood interests. It's not been ideal, in my opinion, but I did what I could when I could, and I stand by that work." Doom screenwriter Dave Callaham tries to appease the video game fans that will soon be calling for his head.
· If this "pitch party" is on the up-and-up, why do they keep (defensively) calling their industry attendees "REPUTABLE"?
· Eventually, Tara Reid's publicist will have no choice but to staple her client's mouth shut.
· Kirsten Dunst ingratiates herself to dreamy-eyed boyfriend Jake Gyllenhaal's mother enough to win Jake's hand in marriage. [via goldenfiddle]
· All lesbians should immediately send a thank-you note to Ashlee Simpson's creepy dad for not allowing her to ruin the edginess of their sexual preference forever.

· Webzine Ostrich Ink summons ten of "your favorite (or soon-to-be-favorite) writers from their internet caves for a reading at the Knitting Factory. A mere five spot gets you through the door, which is a mere....ten cents or so per writer? That's value, my friends.
· Drummer Stephen Perkins (Jane's Addiction), bassist Mike Watt (the Minutemen, fIREHOSE, the re-united Stooges), and experimental guitarist Nels Cline (currently in Wilco) perform as Banyan at the Roxy tonight. We love supergroups! And without some very potent voodoo, it's not like the Traveling Wilburys are coming through town.
· Jimmy Carter signs copies of his latest book, Sharing Good Times, at Borders Westwood. For our readers too young to remember anything previous to the Reagan administration: He used to be President.

· The Fug Girls turn their fashion hate-rays on the Harry Potter kids. Isn't puberty hard enough, ladies?
· OK, hot shot, pop quiz: You're shitfaced in the VIP section of a hot NY club, and your only two choices are waking up with the stink of whiskey and cigarettes permanently soaked into your freckled skin, or escaping to drunk-dial Fez in between vomiting fits. Yeah, we'd probably take the Colin Farrell option too.
· The MPAA takes a legal poke at BitTorrent. Good luck with that, Glickman.
· Defamer Employment quickie: Minister seeking "Christian fast typist/ writing ass."
· Maria Full of Grace, a musical in brief: Maria!/I've just met a mule named Maria/And she can down a grape/My mouth was left agape/Wow-ee.