Beyoncé's former intern Kelly Rowland had to be rescued off the coast of Massachusetts over the weekend, after a private boat she was on became lost at sea, adrift in a salty ocean of self criticism, surrounded on all sides by black churning waters of regret. Actually, it was just in the regular sea. But it was hopelessly lost.

When Michael Jackson died, people clamored to determine the rightful heir to the King of Pop. None of the contemporary young male singers batted around – Usher, Ne-Yo, certainly not Chris Brown (despite his mother's grandiose claims) — satisfactorily fit the bill. Talent abounds, but none of these guys quite has MJ's levels of musical virtuosity, fascinating eccentricity and the ability to package them in appropriately surreal performance. Granted, the search seemed doomed, as the entire angle of Michael Jackson's celebrity was that there was only one of him. But now it is clear that by turning to men (and men-children), we were looking in the wrong place: the heir to Michael Jackson's throne is none other than King B.

Michelle Williams, the museum gift shop employee who swears she was once a member of Destiny's Child, has denied the group will reunite at the Super Bowl because she's really busy that night LOL OK MICHELLE I THINK YOU CAN GET SOMEONE TO COVER YOUR SHIFT AND IT WON'T BE A PROBLEM.

Yesterday, on the heels of a fake-out by Justin Timberlake that many thought would be his new single but turned out to be a minute-long ponderous YouTube video about him not releasing music, a new ballads collection from Destiny's Child was announced. Sporting 14 tracks that span the group's career, Love Songs will include the previously unreleased Pharrell Williams collaboration, "Nuclear."

The Golden Millennium of Beyoncé continues today, as Us Weekly has just confirmed that Destiny's Child will publicly reunite on stage during the Super Bowl.