departures

Choire · 08/31/07 12:09PM

Cranky White House spokesbot Tony Snow just finally quit his job. It already gave him cancer, so maybe he can't tolerate any more evil. Actually, he says that since he only makes $168,000 a year, he's leaving the job because he needs to make more money. Heh. [CNN]

Dana Vachon Now The Man He Always Wanted To Be

Doree Shafrir · 08/22/07 01:20PM

Continuing to exploit his brief [Ed. Note: This is brief? We should all be so lucky!] moment in the sun via a freelance magazine career, Dana Vachon pops up in the September issue of Departures, which you only get if you are in possession of an American Express Platinum or Black ("Centurion"?) card or a dentist. Dana's story is about a former J.P. Morgan analyst (like Dana!) who left the firm to pursue the quixotic dream of becoming a gajillionaire by starting an obscure, high-end liquor company in Brazil. So far, he's not having much luck. Anyway, Dana's contributor's bio (click to enlarge!) is a masterful stroke of image creation.

abalk · 06/05/07 08:49AM

All our therapist has in the waiting room is Teen Vogue and Legal Enough, so we're kind of jealous. [WWD]

U.S. Puppet Departs Position "Running" Tiny Island Nation

balk · 05/10/07 10:48AM

As expected, British Prime Minister Tony Blair today announced that he would step down from that position on June 27th. Blair has served for ten years, and the British electorate has clearly grown tired of a man whose admitted charms are intertwined with a streak of officious sanctimony so severe that it makes Mario Cuomo seem humble by comparison. Also, there's that whole Iraq thing. In today's Times, acerbic commentator A.N. Wilson suggests that Blair "got involved in the calamity because, once again, he is superficial, decent and brave," but that somewhat misses the point: Britain is a client state of this country and has been for nearly seventy years (Google "lend lease" if you're interested). None of the four opposition leaders Blair saw off during his tenure would have done anything differently: We own them. Which is why sappy Tony has a bright and lucrative future delivering inspirational speeches to convention halls full of businessman in the Midwest. So long, Tony. Thanks for doing as you were told!

Chris Albrecht Hits Road, Women (Allegedly)

balk · 05/10/07 08:50AM

So HBO head Chris Albrecht allegedly beat his girlfriend and beat the rap - she's not pressing charges - but couldn't beat the heat: Time Warner has forced him to resign. Albrecht, who conveniently played the "but I'm a drunk" card the last time he allegedly knocked a ladyfriend around, issued a statement saying that "I take this step for the benefit of my Home Box Office colleagues, recognizing that I cannot allow my personal circumstances to distract them from the business." Your best bit of color comes from Page Six, where a source admits that covering up the earlier alleged paramour-battering was a bad idea. But, you know, "There wasn't as much sensitivity then to the issue of violence against women." Yeah, how we pine for the early nineties, when one could batter a lippy broad with impunity. Those were the days. Allegedly.

American Express Publishing: No Way Out

Doree · 04/20/07 10:47AM

American Express Publishing—the owner of rich-people mags Travel + Leisure and Food & Wine, plus really rich person travel mag Departures—has a diabolical plan to keep all of its employees safely within its corporate confines. When employees in-house go to the Conde Nast website and click on "careers," they don't end up here. Instead, says a staffer, "Amex Publishing goes all China on your ass and just redirects you to Amex Pub's own career page. It took us all a while of playing with it to realize that it wasn't a glitch on Conde's website, but rather the fact that our own company was fucking with us." You are so owned.

Genius Lessons: Thirty Bucks

abalk2 · 01/11/07 03:00PM

At a gathering for 49 Nobel Prize winners in 1962, President Kennedy remarked that "I think this is the most extraordinary collection of talent and of human knowledge that has ever been gathered together at the White House - with the possible exception of when Thomas Jefferson dined alone." All well and good, but this January 29th will see the greatest assemblage of magazine genius ever gathered together in the same room - with the possible exception of when Art Cooper had that fatal meal with Dave Zinczenko. That's right, it's MediaBistro's "Editors on Truth Serum — The New Rules of Success Now," a panel discussion at Chinatown Brasserie, starring such luminaries as Tom Foster (Men's Journal), Brandon Holley (Jane), Stacy Morrison (Redbook), Susie Schulz (CosmoGirl!), Richard Story (Departures), and Jake "Shake 'n Bake" Weisberg (Slate). As 'bistro Boa-in-Chief Laurel Touby puts it,