So, Denis Leary doesn't actually post his tweets. Conan doesn't either but he has an excuse. Dennis proves how old he is by accidentally saying that he doesn't know how to get his tweets from his typewriter to the internet.

During filming of yesterday's Late Show, David Letterman stopped traffic outside of his studio to play a round of baseball with Cardinals' Albert Pujols and male-hero Denis Leary. Wonder if those buildings or cabs mind being pummeled with random baseballs?

Denis Leary goes off on a number of musicians that he wishes would die, including Bon Jovi, Yoko Ono, and Barry Manilow. Only the great ones die young, probably because they couldn't put up with the Bee Gees either.

Denis Leary visited Regis & Kelly on Monday to discuss the new season of Rescue Me, but it quickly became an educational segment on the proper way to wear lady-clothes for laughs.

Natalie Portman walking to her trailer on the set of Black Swan ... Rhea Perlman and Danny DeVito arriving at JFK ... Denis Leary shooting scenes for Rescue Me ... Kelly Rutherford picking up an iced tea at Yura On Madison ... Naomi Watts pushing her sons in a stroller ... Matthew Broderick walking with son James in the West Village ... Kelsey Grammer and wife Camille arriving at JFK ... Blake Lively walking with her bodyguard to the Gossip Girl set ... Vampire Diaries co-star Ian Somerhalder heading into Vento on Hudson Street ... and Kelly Bensimon of Real Houswives and Jersey Shore's Pauly D attending a charity event at Chelsea Piers.

Ed Norton is celebrating his 40th birthday today. Saturday Night Live's Andy Samberg is turning 31. Robert Redford is 73. Patrick Swayze is turning 57. Comedian Denis Leary is 52. Christian Slater is turning 40. Nadine Strossen, the president of the ACLU, turns 59. Newsman Bob Woodruff is turning 48. Former First Lady Rosalynn Carter turns 82 today. Jeremy Shockey of the New Orleans Saints is turning 29. Director Roman Polanski is 76. Actor Craig Bierko is turning 45. And Frances Bean Cobain, the daughter of Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love, turns 17 today.

Sure, sure, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince raked in a gazillion dollars this weekend. But who are these people who went to Ice Age? Our guess: creationist parents who wanted their kids to watch a nature documentary.

Last night at the Sunset Blvd. staple Book Soup, autism-unfriendly comedian Denis Leary was signing copies of his book, Why We Suck, when he was approached by two very curious fans. One of them tentatively asked whether Leary endorsed the idea of a reinvestigation into the events of 9/11, which Leary said would actually be a plotline in the upcoming season of Rescue Me. Then, a second fan asked him a more specific question about conspiracy theories surrounding Building 7's collapse. After a pause, Leary began, "You don't want to get into that with me, because several of the guys who I know really well were helping to hold that building up," upon which the fan, who was recording the incident, was swarmed by Book Soup security (they even blocked his camera). What do they know?! Video, after the jump:

Surprisingly, everyone appears to have missed the subtle nuance in a chapter of comedian Denis Leary's book entitled "Autism, Schmautism." Go figure. Controversy arose after the Post excerpted a paragraph from Leary's Why We All Suck reading, in part, "I don't give a [bleep] what these crackerjack whack jobs tell you - yer kid is NOT autistic." Last night Leary appeared on the Daily Show to explain that he was quoted out of context, and in reality was taking a sophisticated stand on the scientific mystery of surging autism cases:

About Time: It was only a matter of time before the week's two big autism stories collided, but let's thank Access Hollywood for hastening things along. Billy Bush caught up with "cleavage and veggies" advocate Jenny McCarthy to get her comments on Denis Leary's assertion that autistic kids are stupid and lazy, and she described a scene that sounded as though it had come straight out of a Sarah Palin rally. "Whoo! First of all, let me tell you, the autism community has received probably 10,000 emails [saying] 'Go kill him!' 'Go yell at him,'" she told Bush. "[But] it’s so hard to even get up enough juice in me or energy in me to even try to fight someone that is obviously stupid." Really? Jenny, consider your guest-blogging privileges at Defamer revoked. [Us]

What a Drag: Apparently someone at the Huffington Post doesn't take too kindly to Denis Leary's attempts to walk back his controversial comments on autism — at least, if this inexplicable picture of Leary in a dress is any indication. What, is the photo editor the ghost of Bill Hicks? [HuffPo]

Let's face it: As well-intentioned celebrity spats go, Jenny McCarthy vs. Amanda Peet was a total disappointment in its attempt to bring awareness to the cause and treatment of autism. What it needed was less born-again book-tour proselytizing and more substantive debate about nature, nurture and science itself. In other words, it needed the radical authority of a medical professional like Denis Leary, who, in his own new book, tastefully settles the problem of autism once and for all:

For some reason Denis Leary, who is actually an accomplished TV and movie star and halfway-decent comedian, has joined with reliable moron and talk-radio screamer Michael Savage and misguided trashy-TV host Jenny McCarthy in spreading scientifically-dubious pap about autism. The charitable explanation is that Leary was rushing to meet the deadline for his book, Why We Suck, or, as all-too-many comedians do, filling it with unfiltered, subliterate transcriptions of experimental new stand-up comedy material when he wrote, "there is a huge boom in autism... because inattentive mothers and competitive dads want an explanation for why their dumb-ass kids can't compete academically." The Autism Society is obviously thrilled. More, via Page Six:

Congrats, Andy Samberg, you've reached the big 3-0! The good news? You still look 24! Others celebrating today: Ed Norton is 39, Patrick Swayze is 56, and comedian Denis Leary is 51. ACLU president Nadine Strossen is 58. Frances Bean Cobain, the spawn of Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love, is 16. Christian Slater turns 39. ABC's Bob Woodruff is 47. NFL star Jeremy Shockey is 28. And writer, director, and international fugitive Roman Polanski is 75.

The world awoke this morning to the chirping of little birds resembling Kristin Chenoweth and Neil Patrick Harris, perched at a podium in the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences, announcing nominations for the 60th Emmy Awards. While most rolled over and tried to get back to sleep, we sat bolt upright as usual and sprinted to the window, our furious note-taking chronicling a few snubs, surprises and plenty of the conventional wisdom we've come to expect from the annual ritual.

1) At the Harold Pratt House, the New Yorkers For Children Fall Gala was previewed with a Tuesday night gathering of Campion Platt, Andre Leon Talley, Jeffrey Kalinsky, Beth Rudin DeWoody, Dayssi Olarte De Kanavos, Douglas Hannant, Kate Schelter, Katie Lee Joel, Derek Blasberg, Debbie Bancroft, Joy Bryant, Daniel Benedict and Andrew Saffir, Annelise Peterson, Jamee Gregory, Fern Mallis, Jennifer Creel, Fabiola Beracasa, Oscar De La Renta, Thakoon Panichgul, Tom Florio, Zac Posen, Zani Gugelmann, Lauren Santo Domingo, Phillip Lim, Heather Mnuchin, and Peter Som. [Guest of a Guest]

• Denis Leary's wife, Ann, has for years been secretly not cool with the comedian having dining, hanging out with and getting diet and exercise makeovers from his knockout friend Elizabeth Hurley, so she sadly channeled her frustrations into a thinly-veiled "novel." Something tells me Denis, in a similar situation, would have just cussed and yelled about it for an hour or so until the situation somehow resolved itself. Not that there's anything wrong with different "communication styles." [R&M]

· Who crowned Clooney King of Hollywood when we weren't looking?
· We're told that there might be a topless picture of Mila Kunis here, but we've been way too busy to check it for ourselves. [UPDATE: We're told it's a fake that they mocked up for the movie. Mila Kunis's virtue is restored!]
· There's a $14 million Kevin Costner DVD for sale—and it's not even The Guardian.
· Denis Leary laments that hypocritical T-Mobile isn't more rape-positive.
· And, finally, a Thursday afternoon palate-cleanser.