In his tireless quest to be regarded as the Greatest And Most Generous Tipper In The World, billionaire reality TV host Donald Trump bestowed a $10,000 gratuity upon a lucky server at Santa Monica's Buffalo Club on Monday night (for a bill of a mere $82—a markup our quick mental calculations put at 4 million percent), shattering the waiter's personal record once established by Hollywood's best-remunerated producer of blowing-shit-up fare. Derober.com has the receipt (click the photo for the larger version) from the transaction and the server's appreciative blow-by-blow of how The Donald came to make his year:

24 star and Everyone's Favorite Hollywood Drinking Buddy Kiefer Sutherland, as we briefly noted on our way out the door Wednesday evening, reported to the Glendale City Jail to begin serving his DUI sentence, scuttling our perhaps delusional hopes he might somehow elude his captors and rendezvous with Mary Lynn Rajskub in an abandoned Van Nuys warehouse to plot his next move, leaving a trail of snapped forearms and bullet-riddled kneecaps in his wake.

· Nicole Kidman or wax figure? Even the experts are left scratching their heads.
· Like we needed this right now: Kiefer sentenced today to 48 days, starting immediately. Good news, though—it's in the Glendale City Jail, not L.A. County. We hear they have an In-N-Out Burger!
· Watching this exclusive first-look of the Speed Racer movie, we're instantly reminded of this Knocked Up exchange: "You know what's interesting about [Matthew Fox]? "What?" "Nothing."
· The 7th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals ruled against a Wisconsin inmate banned from posting a photo of Jennifer Aniston in his cell, but issued a "snarky" ruling that made cracks about Along Came Polly and Rumor Has It, and suggested a legal loophole that would allow for the displaying of magazine pictures.
· For the second night of Hanukkah, we offer you this extra-special gift. (Make sure to stick around at least until Zadie shreds the melting Stratocaster.)

In another demonstration of how well she's coping without the services of her striking writers—and one that was far more effective than Monday's bongo-enhanced effort—Ellen DeGeneres welcomed First Daughter Jenna Bush onto the show, whom she quickly challenged to try and reach her parents live via telephone, a stunt sure to send her ratings skyrocketing and make everyone forget about the show-offy on-air call Oprah Winfrey recently placed to God to get his opinion on her Favorite Things Special.

We'll admit to not yet having been aware of Marcus Patrick, the prominently bebonered actor currently gracing the cover of Playgirl.

· Music round-up: Spoon, Pinback, Datarock, and Sea Wolf at Avalon for Indie 103.1's Bands in Toyland charity toy-drive show; Jesse Malin at the Hotel Café; The Cult at the Wiltern.
· The shadowy online assassins of Ask A Ninja are putting on a live event at at the El Rey to celebrate the 4th International Day of the Ninja, with a guest performances by Patton Oswalt and Hard N' Phirm.
· The Egyptian hosts a sneak preview of The Walker, starring Woody Harrelson as a gay confidant to Capitol Hill socialites in a performance that earned Harrelson director Paul Schrader's eternal love and respect.

Sadly, as the show hasn't aired new episodes in seventeen years, we assume that the Fun Kit's makers have long exhausted their inventory; still, as we've always believed primetime's favorite butler was an otherworldy being dispatched from Heaven to bring happiness to his TV family—both onscreen and off— we're sending in our postcard anyway, confident that Lynn Aloysius Belvedere will somehow deliver us a magical birthday surprise from the great beyond. (Or, at very least, one of those totally sweet iron-on transfers.)

In what could have easily become the greatest talk-show studio-audience transportation disaster since a van of Hour Magazine fans accidentally careened into the Pacific Ocean in the mid-1980s, never to be heard from again, a busload of audience members headed to a Dr. Phil taping crashed through a fence and into the lawn of a Hollywood church just moments ago:

While we never know exactly what to expect each time Defamer videographer Molly McAleer takes her camera to Hollywood Blvd. to have a chat with one of the Walk of Fame's Polaroid-proffering superheroes (for example: who knew that Reasonably Passable, Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man has such a hard time with handsy tourists?), we were especially surprised to hear that Zorro, a legendary defender of the powerless against the rich and strong, might see the strike as a great time to launch a writing career.

Pow! That's the sound of a pneumatic cattle bolt flying into our awards-crazy melons, officially marking the start of Oscar Season: The National Board of Review has named No Country for Old Men their best film of 2007. Other big wins: George Clooney for best actor in Michael Clayton, Tim Burton for best director for Sweeney Todd, and Emile Hirsch and Ellen Page won breakthrough performances for Into the Wild and Juno, respectively. [Reuters]

Over in Burbank, they're apparently trying out some new ways to slow down WGA picketers who Warner Bros. feels are spending too much time crossing the street and disrupting the flow of traffic near their lot. Next up: adjusting the Walk signs to only allow a three-second window before jaywalking tickets can be issued. [LAist]

During this end-of-year, list-making bonanza time, the one chart-topper whose name we desperately wanted to see (Zac Efron), we feared we would not. We figured the Crown Prince of Tweensmanship would tumble through the Hollywood censusing cracks, qualifying him for neither Sexiest Man nor Highest Paid Actress Alive honors. Luckily, the people behind essential desk reference The Celebrity Black Book—the Gray's Anatomy for the science of celebrity stalking—have compiled a "Most Wanted" Celebrity of 2007 list ("for autographs, donations, endorsements and media requests from fans, businesses, nonprofits and the media,"), giving Efron the edge over even the likes of such hotly wanted personalities as Oprah Winfrey and Angelina Jolie:

· Paramount acquires the rights to the life of spy Kathi Lynn Austin, whose arms-trafficking and terrorism-related adventures could become "an action vehicle" for Angelina Jolie that will ultimately bear little to no resemblance to the intelligence operative's real life. [Variety]
· To help CBS survive the strike/break the wills of writers, Les Moonves plans to repurpose edited versions of Showtime series like Dexter for use on his content-starved broadcast network, though it's unclear whether this idea will include a fucking-lite version of Californication. [THR]
· Publicists love Judd Apatow! He'll be named 2007's "outstanding film showman" at the 45th annual Flackies. [Variety]

On Monday, we noted the sigh of relief issued by an anxious Paramount at the news that their young, possibly endangered The Kite Runner stars had been rolled up in some Afghan carpets and successfully smuggled out of Kabul, with the refugee-secreting rugs eventually unfurled inside a safe-suite at an undisclosed luxury-hotel location somewhere in the United Arab Emirates.

There's more A-list casting goodness for Gus Van Sant's Milk, the late-70s biographical drama about San Francisco's beloved openly gay city supervisor Harvey Milk, an American civics story that probably wouldn't have two major, competing productions in the pipeline had Milk and then-S.F. Mayor George Moscone not been shot to death at City Hall by political rival Dan White. Reports THR:

After viewing Carson Daly's initial writerless effort on his revived Last Call Monday night, the NY Times opines that even though there's been much hand-wringing over the host's decision to be the first late-nighter to cross the WGA picket line, "a bland interview with the underwear model Karolina Kurkova and pop music by the Plain White T's" is hardly going to be the death of the Movement, as Daly is not exactly threatening to fill the void left by the darkening of The Daily Show and Saturday Night Live sets. True, but the next thing you know, the Scottish guy who's on after Letterman gets back to work, and from there it's a slide down a slippery strike-breaking slope that doesn't end until Ryan Seacrest is guest-hosting for Leno for months. [NY Times]

Jonathan Rhys Meyers has been given a pass by Irish officials after the recovering alcoholic was arrested for making a drunken scene last month at Dublin Airport—a wagon-tumble rendered all the more tragic when you factor in that he was in town for his 50-year-old mother's sudden death:

As we noted last week, the holiday season is a happy time for actress-turned-party-host Tara Reid, who's willing to crisscross the globe, clad in Santa hat and matching furry Grey Goose bottle-holsters, to bring 80-proof cheer to Yuletide revelers on every continent. Sadly, Page Six cites a report claiming that promoters have been lowballing Reid on her asking price, allegedly refusing to meet her previous personal appearance fee. Maybe once prospective employers see how successfully she kept the good times rolling at her recent Hooker's Ball gig, she'll be able to push her quote back into the five figures. [CelebWarship]

Following yesterday's penetrating discussion in which The View's couchbound thinktank dissected the "hang" and cellulite-to-dimple-free-tissue ratio on display in some unflattering paparazzi photos of Jennifer Love Hewitt's bikini-clad ass, we'd hoped that Whoopi and the gang the matter to bed for good. This week's People, however, gives the embattled rump no quarter; in a cynical, sensationalist move, the magazine has splayed the unfairly persecuted size two's cheeks across its glossy cover, a cynical, sensational move that ensures that the "LOVE HEWITT'S TRUNK: SEXY AND HEALTHY OR TOO FULL OF JUNK? " debate will rage on at least until the supermarket checkout racks are replenished with new tabloid product next Wednesday.

Truth be told, we're a little unclear on the details of the arrangements the court has established for the care of Sean Preston and Other One Spears-Federline during their parents' ongoing custody dispute; as far as we can tell, they're primarily under K-Fed's care, with Spears' visitation rights now temporarily curtailed to a single, heavily supervised visit a week, in which the children and their favorite toys are placed inside a protective plastic bubble while a court-ordered monitor observes every interaction between troubled mother and offspring through that impermeable membrane. Whatever the specifics, today brings news that Spears' parenting time could soon take another hit pending an investigation into "multiple child abuse and neglect" allegations by the L.A. County Department Of Broken Pop Star/Background Dancer Family Services: