OK, OK, Hollywood Reporter — we get it. The trade paper today took 1,600 words, three pie charts, two line graphs, and a half-dozen adorable floating-head info boxes to confirm the long-suspected word on the street that — are you ready? — the star system is dying. Jim Carrey can't open! Brad Pitt's last film did $4 million! Julia Roberts hasn't broken $70 million since 2001! Shriek!
You know what they say about hemlines and recessions? Well look no further than What Happens In Vegas co-stars Cameron Diaz and Lake Bell for optimism. At last night's premiere of their comedy, the two actresses seemed to be playing a game of Anything You Can Wear I Can Wear Shorter, alongside somber co-star Ashton Kutcher, who seemed to be playing a game of You Were Right, Demi. Without You I'm Boring And Cannot Dress Myself. Between the grieving Diaz and the toothy Bell, see who revealed more gam and why we're happy they did, after the jump.
As we expect for most of the series throughout May, this week's edition of Defamer Attractions comes down to about five words: Iron Man, and everything else. Nevertheless, join our weekly survey of new releases for a guess at just how soundly the superhero will beat the competition down, as well as a look at the dog that never stood a chance, our favorite (OK, the only) Harmony Korine film of the last decade, and a run through the week's must-think-about-seeing DVD releases. As always, our opinions are our own, but they're also right. Blockbuster season makes it easy!
· Forgive us for being a couple days behind on Robert Downey Jr.'s Late Show appearance, but we were so excited that someone has finally found way to stop making bad movies, we simply had to share it with you: Simply start every shooting day by balling up the piece-of-shit script handed to you by your director, whipping it at the wall, and having them start from scratch. [Late Show]
· Mariah Carey, 39, has married Drumline star Nick Cannon, 27, at her home in the Bahamas. Yes, she's that chick. [Page Six]
· Phew! Reichen takes back all of the "shady sack of beyond gross lying shit" talk and Bitter Dating Tips for Hollywood from his MySpace page. He was just having a bad day! :P [Pink Is The New Blog]
· Here's a free copy of the new Coldplay single. We're getting a slutty Gwyneth vibe from it. [coldplay.com]
· Wonkette remembers D.C. Madam Deborah Jeane Paltry, found dead today, by purchasing her a seat to the stars. [Wonkette]
· Music round-up: Does It Offend You, Yeah at the El Rey, Voodoo Glow Skulls at the Key Club, Camp Freddy at the Roxy.
· The Los Angeles Comedy Festival kicks off at the at McCadden Place Theater with "three weeks of nonstop improv, sketch, and standup comedy." Who couldn't use a laugh? We know we sure could!
· Jennifer "In Her Shoes" Weiner reads and signs from her newest book, Certain Girls, at Barnes & Noble in Santa Monica.
After reading the vivid description of a greeting card plucked from the "Friendship - Stalked Actress" section of his local Hallmark store and presented by noted creep Jack Jordan to Uma Thurman on the steps of her My Super Ex-Girlfriend trailer, all we wanted was to catch a glimpse of the heavily-doodled correspondence. Sadly, none seemed to exist. No matter: We simply asked the talented team over at Defamer's Evidence-Recreation Dept. to whip us up this stunning facsimile, based upon Thurman's detailed testimony. We think you'll find it a satisfactory approximation of the original, down to the last ACME razor blade and "tee-hee."
On one hand we're sick to near-death of German provocateur Uwe Boll, whose perverse viral antics have amused us barely enough to keep us watching over the last month. But today the son of a bitch is making actual news: First by suing his Bloodrayne star Billy Zane for misleading him on the film's failed distribution in 2006, and then by actually confirming his proposed boxing match with flaxen fauxteur Michael Bay. So topical! So... angry! Find out where he's coming from (sort of) after the jump.
It's safe to say that every celebrity, even Artie Lange, has their fair share of fans with crushes on them. But when the celebrity in question happens to be the Amazonian Tarantino muse Uma Thurman, this group of lovey-dovey fans will naturally include at least a few nutcases. Enter Jack Jordan, the soft-spoken schizo whose stalking enterprise we filled you in on earlier this week. But today, on the third day of his trial in New York, the actress finally took the stand herself to deliver her testimony. As the NY Times reports, Thurman began by describing a card Jordan had delivered to her trailer while she was filming My Super Ex-Girlfriend:
Of the many coastal wellness centers catering to Hollywood's well-monied, well-coke-dealered set, perhaps none swaths its patients in luxury like Renaissance Malibu ("Where currency is for spending, not rolling into little straws."™). The facility—which counts the likes of Daniel Baldwin among its celebrity failures—is now up for sale: a 14,000-square-foot mansion in the neo-Virginia-tobacco-plantation style that's so much in vogue, sitting on an expansive lot of prime Malibu property. (A virtual tour comes courtesy of Radar.) The price? A mere $23.75 million, a piddling sum in exchange for the thrill of living out your wildest Richie Rich rehab fantasies. (Group therapy counsellor Irona not included.)
A few notes kicked under the door at Defamer HQ hint that the end may be near for Picturehouse, the Oscar-winning art house shingle plunged into limbo in February after its parent company New Line was absorbed by the Warner Bros. mothership. We have yet to hear where company president Bob Berney will wind up, though a popular rumor has him sharing power at Warners' other struggling boutique outpost, Warner Independent Pictures, with current WIP boss Polly Cohen. We posit at least one more underdog alternative as well — plus a prognosis for the remaining Picturehouse output — after the jump.
Just when we started to truly believe that every reality TV idea had already been plundered, comes a Craigslist casting opportunity featuring one of the more fertile premises we've yet heard: It's a show devoted to capturing all the thrilling highs and the "Oops! But I'm almost positive you said it was the left knee that was giving you trouble" lows of a surgeon's first time.
Following in the footsteps of Academy Award winner Diablo Cody, actress Sharon Stone has begun to mobile blog her daily activities via accounts on Tumblr and Twitter. Stone recently discovered in recent years that the internet had become a lucrative medium and decided it was finally time to become apart of the scene. However, Stone added that she thought that it might be a tad too much if she starts a Vimeo account to post some videos of her Ellen DeGeneres and Hilary Clinton impressions.
Amid yet another hot streak on Broadway, celebrated actor/playwright and Harvey Fierstein doesn't have to answer to anyone about anything — his nearly 40-year career, his iconic gayness, none of it! At least not until Adam Sandler, apparently in the market for a flaming foil, came a-calling while casting his new film. Fierstein did have a response for that:
Not a day goes by without a dozen blind items stirring up rumors about the newest Hollywood heroin addict or closeted anchor with sex swings in his office, but there is one very rare kind of bold face name-less rumor that catches our eye. And it has to do with "celebrity dads," "piercings," and "nether regions." As the NY Post Just Asks this morning:
The jaw-dropping allegations made by a former Rob Lowe nanny against the actor's wife, Sheryl Lowe—which, by our count, contained one n-word, one use of the word "cockring," six separate mentions of male sex parts, and a chilling reference to minors that our non-deviant minds have yet to fully absorb—has elicited an official response from the accused. It comes to us courtesy of The Insider, so you'll have to try to tune out the smacking, salivary sounds that accompany it:
The inevitable grouping of the major studios under the iTunes roof finally occurred today, when Apple officially announced it had reached agreements with Universal, Paramount, Fox, Warner Bros., Sony and Lionsgate (along with previous bedfellow Disney) on day-and-date downloads of their new DVD titles. The studios had made most releases available for rental since earlier this year (with catalog titles for sale before that), but this marks the first time users can buy and download new releases on their DVD street dates.
Since the strike ended (feels like three years ago) shows like Desperate Housewives, Ugly Betty, and House have seen ratings dip. Television people—who are always scratching their heads, every day, it is their whole job—are running around, desperately trying to come up with ANSWERS. Bill Carter ventures to help them in the New York Times today, saying it's serialized story lines that are keeping people away, while The TV Addict wonders if it has anything to do with videogames. What's happening here? Why is everyone tuning out? Find out after the jump.
It was Ryan Gosling who was originally blamed for being the temperamental artiste gumming up the works on the set of Peter Jackson's The Lovely Bones, but recent mumblings suggest it is the exacting director who is proving to be his own worst enemy: Production has reportedly temporarily shut down as Jackson battles with his art director over how to best depict the movie's version of Heaven. On top of that, Susan Sarandon has grumbled on the Speed Racer red carpet about how she was instructed to play her character. From Flicks.co.nz:
