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A day after the world learned that Jimmy Kimmel would teabag Sarah Silverman no more, are we glimpsing the face of the other woman? A tipster to Gawker writes: "Her name is Molly McNearney...and she's been promoted all the way (with one stop in between) from assistant to head writer for Jimmy Kimmel Live!" The last time someone ascended from the trenches so quickly, it was Merv Griffin's topiary-manicurist, Ryan Seacrest. Which doesn't necessarily mean they are doing it—just that someone saw a great deal of potential in someone else, and made all the necessary arrangements. [Gawker]

Actress Sophia Bush gave a photog the stink eye as she descended down an escalator. The photog had attached a very long lens to the camera as soon as he saw the John Tucker Must Die star at the top of the stairs, but his efforts for a money shot were quickly thwarted. Bush held her right hand over any potential "Oops!" zone and said, "Better luck tomorrow, buddy boy." After Bush passed by, the photog quickly removed the lens and muttered that Bush will rue the day that she denied him the money shot.

Patrick Goldstein is getting kind of good at this blogging thing! After a busy week tipping the world off to the wit and wisdom of censor nonpareil Joan Graves and catching Alan Horn sharpening his ax for Where the Wild Things Are, he spent Monday afternoon taking on the Eddie Murphy Problem. "Murphy has pulled off an almost unprecedented achievement with Meet Dave," Goldstein notes. "He's delivered a movie that even 20th Century Fox couldn't market."

After being dropped off in Inglewood for the Coldplay concert, Eva Longoria Parker and husband Tony Parker checked their respective messages on their new iPhones. Yet the twosome became so enchanted with their new phones that they missed the concert altogether. Longoria Parker had noticed that they missed the show when the car service came back to pick them up. The driver asked if they enjoyed the concert after pulling up, but Longoria Parker thought that the man had just dropped them off. The Over Her Dead Body star realized that they had been spending all their time on their phones. Longoria asked if her husband knew that they had missed the concert, but Parker said that he had been watching Coldplay videos on YouTube; so, it was similar to being at the concert, only minus the spilt beer smell.

As many loyal Defamer readers must know by now, our favorite blind items tend to include three elements: closeted actors, drug-addicted actresses, and those rare but joyous items that include the quote “Do you want to fuck my wife?” And kudos to the NY Daily News for providing us with the gruesomely enjoyable trifecta all in one sordid little piece today:

· Ooh: A movie version of a popular video game! Warner Bros. is adapting Capcom's Lost Planet: Extreme Condition. No word on whether or not they'll hire Korean actor Lee Byung-Hun to reprise his role, or if they'll ultimately choose to go in a more Paul Walker-direction. [Variety]
· Christina Ricci has signed on for three episodes of TNT's Saving Grace, in which she'll play "a young detective who temporarily guest-partners with Grace in the hopes of some Emmy consideration." [Variety]
· John Malkovich's production company Mr. Mudd signed a deal with Mandate Pictures to produce at least two films together. [Variety]
· Kristoffer Polaha, Autumn Reeser and Robert Baker have joined The CW's Valentine, Inc., a "dramedy...revolving around Greek gods living among us." Did they just say dramedy? This Wackness '94 nostalgia thing has simply gone too far! Lolz. [THR]
· The final episodes of Nip/Tuck have been ordered. Confirmation on how many different sexual positions Rosie O'Donnell will assume in them is still pending. [THR]

The good times keep a-rollin' in Louisiana for the Stray Cat Gang — including Josh Brolin, Jeffrey Wright and a smattering of crew members arrested at Saturday's W wrap party in Shreveport. New reports allege Wright fielded at least one ethnic slur from an onlooker after being escorted out of the Stray Cat with unruly lighting technician Eric Felland. Brolin and company went down a little later when coming to Wright's aid — i.e. "interfering with that arrest," according to Shreveport police Cpl. Robert Elliott. Furthermore, "a rep for Brolin ... didn't say what the rehabbed actor was drinking," according to Rush and Molloy. Next up for the group: An encore on Dec. 2, when all are due back in court. Meanwhile, chalk up another incentive for filmmaking in Louisiana — the only state where you can cast, scout and produce an entire movie faster than the legal system can prosecute its stars. [NYDN]

Worried that your obsessive kitten-video viewing records on YouTube would be exposed in Viacom's copyright lawsuit against YouTube? You can relax. Google and Viacom lawyers have reached an agreement to anonymize records of usernames and IP addresses in YouTube's video-viewing logs, which Viacom wants to examine to show patterns of willful copyright infringement on the site. The accounts of employees of both companies, however, aren't included in the deal. And that suggests a negotiating tactic for Google.

At two weeks into your garden variety tabloid scandal, the regular spiel starts to get a little old—yes, yes, we know, that brainwashed third-baseman has been giving the aging pop diva the hot beef injection—and so new angles are required. For example, we have Page Six's item today which claims Madonna has been "loving" the attention, and plans on hitting today's All-Star game at Yankee Stadium. "'She doesn't care about the press it will get - she loves it,' said a spy. 'It just gets her more publicity for her upcoming Sticky and Sweet tour.'" How this spy managed to crack the complex Madonna Motivation code we'll never know—but crack it they did!

We should have seen this coming after our first confession of love at first sight, but there is no doubt plenty of magic to be found in the growing number of reaction videos to the Beverly Hills Chihuahua trailer. Brooks Barnes had a glimpse at the burgeoning subgenre in yesterday's New York Times, but he nevertheless missed the boat on the international phase of Disney's Mexi-canine plot: Germany. Spoiler alert: You haven't really reacted to the BHC trailer until you've heard George Lopez's Teutonic counterpart introduce himself, "Ich bin ein Chihuahua." Is it still vaguely racist in German? Is it even worse? And either way, after all of its accompanying marketing horrors, why can we still not wait to see it? [YouTube]

Jennifer Lopez, new member of that oh-so-trendy and elite twinset pregnancy club, is continuing her fashionable legacy by deciding never to dress her mini-Marc Anthonys in the same designer outfit twice. As much as this news doesn’t surprise us, considering the international (national? not so much!) superstar’s notoriously highbrow taste in ridiculously pricey bling, we’re fairly sure where J. Lo got the idea. Even though the past few years have seen post-pregnancy slim faster Lopez awarded the #1 spot on many a prominent Best Dressed List in the glossies, her pre-glamour girl days were adorned with some of the most horrific ensembles ever to break camera lenses with their floppy fedoras, belly-baring latex bikini tops and, of course, her infamous frontless, transparent green monster worn at the 2000 Grammys. The top five outfits we’re grateful Lopez never dared wear twice, after the jump:

A little over a year ago, we noted that celebrated director/visual-flourishist Julie Taymor would be tackling perhaps her most challenging source material yet. This project would afford no opportunities for portentous lion births, or soldiers lugging Lady Liberty across a model Vietnam in an extremely literal interpretation of a Beatles lyric. Rather, Taymor set about adapting Spider-Man into a Broadway musical. Helping to sell audiences on a hovercraft-enabled lead villain whose big showstopper, "Everything's Coming Up Pumpkin Bombs," closes the first act is none other than U2's Bono and The Edge, who came on board as composers. Now all that's left to round out this spider-shit insane idea is you, triple-threat Tobey and Kirsten types!

For every blockbuster this summer with Paramount's name attached — from Iron Man to Indy 4 to Kung Fu Panda — there's been a looming crisis to greet it at the studio gate. The latest wake-up call comes from Deutsche Bank, from whom we're learning the 'Mount split recently after the the studio balked at the conditions of a $450 million financing deal. This follows word that unhappy Wall Streeters wanted free-spender Brad Grey's head and that DreamWorks' Indian-funded defection was imminent. Mix The Love Guru in just for fun, and it's enough to almost make you forget Paramount is supposedly on a roll.

In a move to boost tourism in Southern California, respected character actor James Woods guarantees that he'll meet with each and every single tourist. Woods said, "A lot of people come out here hoping to see somebody famous. So, why not cut out the middleman? I'll meet with anybody. Pose for pictures, pound fists or whatever the kids are doing these days. Just as long as they come out to Los Angeles." Woods kicked off the promotion with a sight seeing bus in West Hollywood and was greeted with an enthusiastic response. A tourist from Iowa said, "I'm in LA for a few days and I already met the guy from The Hard Way. How great is that? You can't get that kind of memory with a staycation, I'll tell you that much."

Disgruntled as its recent self-esteem plunge has made us, no one could realistically suggest that the Weinstein Company is what you'd call "circling the drain." Maybe "studying the drain," or even "pawning the drain," if today's latest Harvey newsflash is to be believed: The Weinsteins have locked up a deal with Showtime as the premium-cable outlet for 95 films over seven years. Starting in 2009, the agreement covers both Weinstein Company and Dimension Films releases, including the so-hot-no-one-will-claim-it Inglorious Bastards and Rob Marshall's musical Nine.

Babies! Famous people have been having them! And then they also sell photographs of the babies because, in some twisted Dina Lohanian world of logic, selling the photos of the babies somehow mitigates the other paparazzi attention the little squirming things would inevitably receive. It's a highwire act of faux inferential reasoning, but it seems to be popular. Probably because of those millions of dollars. Brad & Angie (Pitt & Jolie) haven't yet announced plans to sell their new twins' souls (if you believe the Injuns), but they did hawk pictures of their other real kid, Shiloh, donating the proceeds to charity. So yeah, lots of people are doing it. But who hasn't? Which big-time celebs adamantly refuses to publicize, for no valid reason, their progeny? Take a look at a little gallery after the jump.

As we well know, former NBC president Kevin Reilly was thrust aside in a bloody coup in May of 2007, with original programming gangsta Ben Silverman installed in his place, crown cocked B-boy style to one side of his head and tossing Benjamins at assistants' desks as he strutted towards his corner office to the beat of Notorious B.I.G.'s "Ten Crack Commandments." Reilly would quickly land back on his feet, however, appointed FOX's president of entertainment. Buoyed by a little something he likes to call "American Fuck Idol You Money," he's been playing around with the dusty concepts of a rigid development season, telling reporters at TCA that the network plans on dividing theirs in two. What's more, with finding the next hit comedy a top priority, Reilly is throwing all office-bound pitching notions out the window, instead pulling the equivalent of when your 3rd grade teacher used to announce, "It's such a beautiful day outside, I thought we'd hold class in the park!" THR reports:

· Choke's red band trailer suggests the movie successfully captures the spirit of golden era screwball sex-addict comedies. [Choke]
· "Zima or AIDS?" asks this 1994-nostalgia-tinged chart comparing The Wackness to Kids. [Vulture]
· "An Australian woman described as the world's oldest Internet blogger has died at the age of 108 after posting a final message about singing 'a happy song' in her nursing home." [Yahoo]
· Here's the new Radiohead video, which successfully elicits seizures using state-of-the-art 3D motion-capture techniques! [BoingBoing]
· Hot Babes Doing Stuff Naked will inevitably be followed by HBDSN Volumes 2 through 17, none approaching the purity of the original. [esandberg.tumblr.com]

In the grainy land of reality show famewhoring, sometimes a pair of boobs will come together and a cable miracle is born. And that’s exactly what happened last night when we saw our maternal icon, Dina Lohan, meet our paternal icon, Hugh Hefner. On the latest edition of television’s most reliable guide to parenting, Dina taught us some highly unique strategies in order to effectively downsize your son’s balls, fake your way to the fountain of youth via Me-Time, and prove to your tweenage daughter just how insanely awesome and superior you are by making her choose between “Mr. Hot” and a career in music best left for those with actual talent. The newest lessons learned from Living Lohan, below: