An internet report from a self-proclaimed "McCain strategist" claiming Joe the Plumber got busy with Kristin Wiig following the SNL afterparty—and also discussed becoming the next Bachelor with Ben Affleck's agent, Patrick "Something"—is now looking more and more to be a hoax, hoisted upon a gullible and Wiig-hungry gossip nation. The report came from a man calling himself Martin Eisenstadt—the proprietor of his very own, very-hard-to-come-by website bearing that name—and was picked up by the likes of Slate before internet skeptics and lovers of Sue the Surprise-Loving Lady alike started poking holes in the story:

No sooner had we endured the traffic overload at the Petit Trésor website long enough to order a pair of custom-bedazzled Isla and Amelie onesies for the proud parents, came shocking news over the Biological MaternityWatch transom suggesting the Chosen Twins were in fact still resting comfortably inside their mother. People.com debunks:

A rumor circulating today that Paul Newman has died (gah!) is debunked by Hollywood's Original Blogger™ Army Archerd: "NEWS FLASH: After hearing reports of Paul Newman's death from Associated Press and CNN, I found out that acting legend Paul Newman is doing just fine, according to Joanne Woodward. In fact, he's racing around cars in Texas!" Got it? That reads "Texas," not "Heaven." [armyarcherd.com]

Because we here at Defamer are always willing to do our part to dispel myths, hoaxes, and pretty obviously arranged comedy bits on late night TV, we now reach deep into the "Yo Defamer — WTF???" submission box hanging outside HQ, and fish out an index card dropped by one of our confounded readers:

Having received a tip that the building that formerly housed the 360 Restaurant and Bar is leaning, we threw it open to you, our intrepid readers, to send in photo evidence suggesting whether or not the angle was merely an optical illusion, or if in fact at any given moment There Will Be Blood patrons at the nearby Arclight Dome won't end up seeing far more blood than they had bargained for. More than one of you came through, and after a careful examination, we fail to see a significant tilt to the structure, and we thus really see no need for Hollywood locals to run screaming through the streets, at least any more than they usually do. And while we did request no Photoshop, one reader's submission so awed us with its erotic vision of the CAA Death Star getting the skyscraper-pounding it's long craved, we've included it above. The other photos are after the jump.

And Hollywood Rumor of the Week honors go to the one currently catapulting around town and into our inbox, concerning a suspicious package sent to New Line president of production Toby Emmerich that reportedly contained a severed finger, resulting in their offices shutting down for a police investigation. What actually happened, as best as we can piece together, is described in the following e-mail from an operative:

We tend not to take tips from mysterious European sources about the world's most famous celebutards lightly, ever since "The french" sent us a breathless missive fully anticipating Paris Hilton's 180° transformation from wayward flashbulb-whore to Mother Theresa-with-a-Kitson-clothing-line by several months. So when we received the following e-mail from an alleged waiter at the Antwerp Hilton, in which he described witnessing Patron Saint of Bad Mommies Britney Spears seducing another conquest in the hotel lobby, well, we thought what we had in our hot little hands was the kind of scoop lesser global Spears-tracking outfits would kill for: