It seems not a season can pass without at least one foul-mouthed, racist celebrity tirade rearing its ugly head, and we suppose Dog the Bounty Hunter would seem as good a candidate as any for the latest iteration. For one thing, his name is Dog. Furthermore, the guy's a bounty hunter. In an n-word splattered audio recording obtained by The National Enquirer, Dog forbids his son from dating an African-American woman for the rather curious and self-fulfilling logic that it will force him to utter the n-word more often—that's just the way he refers to African-Americans, you see—and that might eventually find its way into "the Enquirer magazine," ultimately putting the cuddly bounty hunting persona he's worked so hard to cultivate in jeopardy.

Look, it's not a gay wizard, but it's the best we could come up with on such short notice: A very special "Gays Around the World"-themed episode of The Oprah Winfrey Show featured as its guest of honor Prince Manvendra Singh Gohil of Rajpipla, the famed Indian prince disowned by his family after outing himself to a shocked nation so anti-gay, they still refuse to speak to those albino Bengal tigers who ran off with Siegfried & Roy a decade ago. Rocking a Punjab-fabulous fuchsia headwrap, Gohil candidly discussed the nitty-gritty of arranged sham marriages, including the Royal Headache that suddenly rendered him impotent on his wedding night. Stumped trick-or-treaters: We believe we've found your costume.

If you're not feeling the 2007-era Michael Jackson/Teri Hatcher vibe, may we guide you to American Apparel's A Hollywood Halloween, featuring costume ideas like Flashdance's iconic stripper/welder and the Scooby Doo crew, achievable using nothing more than the ubiquitous boutiques' multicolored basics.

Thanks to Defamer commenter el smrtmnky for pointing out that the Michael Jackson Halloween mask we linked to this morning bears an uncanny resemblance to Teri Hatcher. It's a fortunate bit of happenstance for the manufacturer, who can now double their profits by re-releasing the item as part of their Stars of Desperate Housewives Do Their Own Makeup collection, which could also include the slightly pricier Nicollette Sheridan/Gollum model.

Considering your Leatherface costume ceased to be scary about eleven Halloweens ago, isn't it time to upgrade to something a little more terrifying? This Michael Jackson mask, unearthed by our friends at Boing Boing, should do the trick, inducing convincing screams from the neighborhood kids as the Kid Nation Koresh grabs his crotch in the doorway and shrieks, "HEEE-hee!," then proceeds to use the same palm to dole out handfuls of bulk Reese's Pieces. A word to the wise, however: inviting just the boy trick-or-treaters inside for an apple-bobbing contest, while true to character, might end up getting you arrested.