We realize many of you would find it difficult to improve upon two-plus hours of watching Shia LaBeouf perfect his "whoa" face accompanied by top-notch visual effects, but at least one Craigslist user is seeking to enhance his moviegoing experience by bookending it with a little non-Transformers action. Since we here at Defamer would like nothing more than to pair a horny Michael Bay fan suffering from intimacy issues with their dream match, we thought we'd helpfully reproduce the ad (it's NSFW) after the jump:

Defamer is committed to bringing together real directors of real movies with real celebrities hard up for fake dates on the biggest nights of their lives, and so in the interest of furthering our mission of faux-romantic mercy, we spotlight this anonymous plea for companionship from Craigslist, the internet's leading escort service for industry professionals desperately seeking non-embarrassing arm-candy. Posts our seeker:

Because time is clearly of the essence with the show's blockbuster finale just a couple of hours away, we'll pass along this Craigslist plea by an American Idol worker in desperate need of a tension-breaker with a minimum of the usual preamble: