An academic study on “pseudo-profound bullshit” finds that the people most likely to believe pseudo-profound bullshit are suckers—who are also dumb.

Some foods, like pizza, are good hot, and still good cold. Other foods are okay hot, but are not good cold. This is a list of the latter group of foods.

Two Connecticut Muffin locations in Brooklyn both shut down simultaneously last week leaving only five remaining Connecticut Muffin locations in Brooklyn. Does anything good come out of Connecticut?

It is almost Thanksgiving time. You know what that means: cranberry sauce on your plate! Soon, Thanksgiving will be over. Then there's no more cranberry sauce on your plate. What's the reason for this treason?

BRANSON, MO—Among the things that I dislike most in this world are patriotism, religion, tourist traps, country music, and the Walmart corporation. So I traveled to the one area of this nation that captures them all. It did not go as planned.

Many people do not go to the mall any more. But some people still go to the mall. And most people at least used to go to the mall. What is the number one store that draws you—or drew you—to the mall? Think. This is important.

Life Is Short, But Are Most of Us Really Living?: "I am 26, so probably a good deal more than ¼ through my life. The scariest, most abyss-staring part of death is that, once we are dead, we never come back... Think about that. Then think about the grain of sand our life truly is."

"19 Reasons Why 19 Is The Most Formative Year of Your Life." #7: "Robert Frost's The Road Less Travelled is now not a nonconformist manifesto, but instead a chilling dose of existential reality. *If you haven't read it, do so now."

When you think of "things that self-aggrandizing assholes like," you may think of flashy jewelry, or exotic sports cars, or misquoting The Art of War. True enough. But there is no single signifier more characteristic of the upwardly mobile, ostentatious yet fundamentally insecure, braggart asshole male than an expensive fucking watch. See this? It's a Breitling, bro. Don't touch.

Let us stipulate, as gentlemen and gentlewomen, that food can generally be divided into two separate and distinct categories: Sweet foods, and Salty (or Savory) foods. Accepting momentarily this fundamental bifurcation, we turn our attention, as we do so often, to nuts. Nuts. Are they a salty food, or a sweet food? The answer is not so simple.

I'd say because it lets white supremacist Charles Murray write its op-eds for it. But maybe the pay was too shitty to get anyone else, I dunno.

Glasses-adjusting New York Times-version-of-a-Republican David Brooks is a highly talented political columnist-craftsman, in the sense that he is able to lay a thin veneer of pop psychology-varnish over even the most cracked glass coffee table of intellectualism* (*David Brooks-style mishmash alert). Today, Brooks puts forth his most breathtaking ideological prescription yet: our leaders should always be doing opposite things at all times.

There are few things more delightful than waking up on an average Monday morning here in Post-Racial America to the following real headline from a column in Ad Age: "Hats Off to the Soft-Drink Industry for Giving Attention to Hispanics and Blacks." Hats off to you, marketers of nutrition-free sugar water! You are trying to sell your product to minorities. You are all the real heroes.

The question has been asked ever since the first wet-behind-the-ears whelp fresh from Ireland stumbled off a boat at New York Harbor, dying from scurvy: When does someone become a real New Yorker?

Former good NYT restaurant critic Frank Bruni has morphed into current bad NYT columnist Frank Bruni. Perhaps he just wasn't writing what he knows. Today, Frank's column ventures back into the topic of food! The result: disaster.

Why did the chicken cross the road? For eons, philosophers have debated the question, because that is philosophers' idea of a "funny" riff on their own weighty profession, which is why most philosophers are not "chick magnets." Well, we're happy to report that the question has finally been answered.

Adequate rapper Jay-Z has a book coming out. By Jay-Z. It's called DECODED. This book "decodes 36 songs from JAY-Z's extensive catalog." Great, since Jay-Z's lyrics are hard to interpret. "Get that dirt off your shoulder." What dirt?

Rolling Stone got its nice big "Dominate the news cycle" turn last week with Michael Hastings' Gen. McChrystal story. Will this revive Rolling Stone as a culturally relevant touchstone? Not a chance.

Today we heard that Simon Rich, wealthy son of New York Times writer Frank Rich and product of Dalton and Harvard, has a new movie in the works, in addition to a gig writing for SNL. Is that unfair?

Apparently there's some rustling on the internet about whether the final (two) Twilight film(s), based on the novel Breaking Dawn (by Sapphire), should show the climatic-for-the-whole-series scene where the protagonist, Bella, almost dies during a half-vampire baby birth. Sure!