If Americans cut their salt intake by one teaspoon a day, it could prevent "32,000 strokes and 54,000 heart attacks a year." Just one tiny god damn teaspoon. Jesus, just do it. For Chrissake. Just put down the Cheeto. The nerve of you people. [ABC]

FYI, parents: It's not just Maclaren strollers that will steal your child's precious fingertips; Graco has also issued a stroller recall after chopping five kids' fingers off. Will Aidyn and Madelynne never know the joys of ten-digit masturbation? [Pic via]

Glen Bell, who founded Taco Bell in 1962, has died at the age of 86. He's at least the seventh fast food mogul to die at an extraordinarily old age in the past two years. Cause-effect? Deliciously circumstantial!

This week began with delightful showbiz scandal and quickly turned to unimaginable devastation. For the most part, though, we just talked about the usual shit. (Plus Ke$ha.)

Hearty congratulations are in order, America: we as a nation have plateaued at a healthy 33% adult obesity rate. The fight on fat is won, pretty much! How are we as a nation celebrating?

Today in things that will kill you: Spaghetti-O's. Sex dungeons. Chinese jewelry. Things that are no good for you: Catching up on sleep. Platelet-rich-plasma injections. Journalism. In fact, only one thing has been proven not to hurt you.

Yesterday there was little news available from Haiti, so optimism remained. But as more info about yesterday's earthquake comes out, it looks grim. The prime minister says hundreds of thousands may be dead. The government has almost ceased to function.

NYU computer science professor Sam Roweis killed himself last night after arguing with his wife about child care. "[All] of a sudden, in the middle of the argument, he jumped over the 16th-floor balcony." NYU's bizarre suicide trend persists. [NYP]

Did learning that your antidepressant is fucking useless make you toss all your Paxils out the window? Not so fast! You don't want to lose that sweet placebo effect. Because there's still a lot to be depressed about.

Oh look, yet another advertisement is using the metaphor of multiple planes crashing as a visual representation of the seriousness of some other cause. Fiery death: That's Allstate's stand. Just, maybe, use a different metaphor? [Copyranter. Click to enlarge.]

California financier Danny Pang died at home last September just months after being accused of running a Ponzi scheme. Now the coroner's ruled that Pang killed himself with a massive overdose of painkillers, as suspected. [WSJ. Pic: AP]

"Four people were decapitated, at least 10 people were killed in drive-by attacks, and five people were kidnapped." Tijuana! Party! "At least two of the recent beheading victims were women, one of whom was left naked outside a cemetery." [LAT]

Whenever a 30 year-old woman dies tragically, alone, her dead body lying undiscovered for days, capping a horrifically fucked up life, one is always tempted to ask oneself: Shouldn't we treat this event "as a glamorous celebrity happening to which we should aspire?" Eschew the temptation, friend! Andrea Peyser, an expert on sex fiends of all stripes, shall put this in perspective for you:

What a week! They feel so different, these 2010s! So fresh, and new! Also, as usual, there was death and terror and crime and greed.

New York Times employees are being forced to forage for food outdoors today. The cafeteria is closed because—oh yes—the last 24 hours have brought gastrointestinal sickness to countless innocent NYT employees! Cuisine of DOOM? Scandalous internal memo below.

The Daily News quotes a source close to Tila Tequila confirming an upcoming meeting with the Johnson family. But Casey's father Woody will probably not attend. So... who knows which Johnsons Tila will meet.

Holocaust shooter and neo-Nazi weirdo James Von Brunn died in prison. In additional being a killer, he was a known "multiculturalist." Cause of death is unknown, though it may have something to do with getting shot, or being 89. [TPM]

Good news, cigarette fans: A judge (in Kentucky, of course) ruled that tobacco companies can use a wide array of colors in their cigarette ads. Bad news: Also full-color will be the graphic, mandatory "You will die" warnings, complete with nasty photos. Good news: Phillip Morris is willing to work with the FDA to gently guide you, the cigarette fan, towards a healthier lifestyle replete with a variety of smokeless tobacco options. For your health.
Bad news: "A cigarette manufacturer is not a physician."
[Pic: Copyranter]

Born into the Johnson & Johnson clan's billions, Casey Johnson was among the first celebutantes to decamp to Hollywood in search of 21C fame. She died alone in a crumbling Mulholland Drive mansion, her body undiscovered for days.

Michelle Lang, a Calgary Herald reporter, was killed by a roadside bomb in Afghanistan yesterday. The blast also killed four soldiers. Earlier this year, the National Newspaper Awards named her best beat writer in Canada. She was 34. [Calgary Herald]