Sending in a fake question to "Dear Abby," the longtime advice column now written by the 72-year-old Jeanne Phillips, is, admittedly, kind of psychotic. But—but!—if you are going to do it, please use this question about twerking as the bar.

Dear Abby is a very famous advice column that's been published since the ‘50s. Pauline Phillips founded it under the pen name Abigail Van Buren; her daughter Jeanne Phillips took over the column after her mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. This Abby, it seems, can be a bit of a hippie.

Yesterday's Dear Abby column featured the sad tale of a 38-year-old woman, five months pregnant, who is concerned that when she goes clubbing with her fiance (of five years) "Troy," he sticks her with his "best friend" and disappears for hours. When she finds him, he is "sweaty and has a weird look on his face." He insists there's nothing up. Signed, "Suspicious in New Jersey." That is the most stereotypically Jersey advice column letter ever, right? Well, besides the one immediately following it: