After nightmare dater John Fitzgerald Page met Dr. Phil today there came a person we feel is in the running for "even worse worst person in the world": Paul Janka, the creepy deviant who masturbates before more uninterested women than Dov Charney, pens glorious odes to date-rape, and who famously went on depressing media joke dates with Moe and Kelly Kreth. While visiting Dr. Phil, Janka apparently just perved on the staff.

Oprah just gave her audience box sets featuring "every movie Tom Cruise has starred in since Risky Business." Why—why—has Losin' It! been erased from history?

Here's a clip of John Legend creeping out Today Show fourth-hour co-host Hoda Kotb. Just because. Skip to the end (1:00 mark), when Hoda awkwardly pseudo-grinds with Legend and then he simulates going down on her. It's fun for the whole family, or at least the unemployed members.

Former New Jersey first lady Dina Matos McGreevey was just on It's Your Call With Lynn Doyle on the Comcast network, and we learned a lot about gay Americans. Like: you're probably married to one right now! According to some graphic they showed, "there are an estimated 2 million marriages where one spouse is gay." There wasn't really a source for that number so we'll assume Lynn and Dina just gave their best guess. Also there was an insane return from commercial where they showed the USS New Jersey and Lynn said "it is appropriately lit in pink, for breast cancer awareness, and also appropriate because of our guest." Because an estimated 2 million husbands across the country are secretly captaining huge pink battleships, sailing through the strait of betrayal and torpedoing the Good Ship Family.

The world of daytime dramas is a showbusiness subculture unto itself, with its own bizarre set of rules and customs. For example: once you are cast, you stay in that part pretty much until your dying breath, and even then creative ways are often employed to get a few more shooting days out of your corpse. So when it was recently announced that exception-to-the-rule Rick Springfield would be returning to the General Hospital role that made him a star 22 years earlier, very little shuffling had to be done to pick up where Dr. Noah Drake had left off: