Hillary Clinton and Paris Hilton, millennial America's twin Joan of Arcs, are presently enjoying their last weekends before they get tied to the stake. Come Tuesday, the L.A. County Jail will swallow Hillary whole and the official release of Carl Bernstein's A Woman in Charge will totally reveal the truth about Paris. (Or is it the other way around?) Thanks to the AP and the Times Magazine's excerpt of Bernstein competitor Her Way (out Friday), we now know exactly why the ladies deserve it and how they'll suffer.