The FBI dealt a stunning blow to the power of magic late Wednesday night with a bizarre raid of illusionist David Copperfield's Las Vegas house, presumably performed in a frenetic, jump cut-heavy style as a classic rock song played. They made off with $2 million in cash, a hard drive, and his camera's memory stick, as related by E! and a detached Robert DeNiro voiceover. The FBI refuses to say what it's all about, except that it involves "an on-going investigation" that began in Washington (State!). Then the FBI stopped by the MGM-Grand, where Copperfield is scheduled to be in residence for two weeks in November. And Joe Pesci suffered some sort of violent death. Copperfield's vast collection of "perception-deceiving devices" was untouched, thankfully. But yeah, what the hell is this about? Are the feds finally busting up the magic racket? Can they indict Criss Angel? Please? [E! via Yahoo!]

David Copperfield claims that he's found the Fountain of Youth in the Bahamas, meaning that not even the normal human birth-death cycle can now free us from an eternity of TV specials centered around lame illusions involving the "disappearance" of various landmarks. Just don't let anyone tell David Blaine, OK? Nobody wants to see how long he can hold his breath while submerged in that shit.
There is perhaps no better footwear for kicking your friends in the balls than Converse's new Jackass model sneaker Unless you're trying to sterilize your buddies, in which case some steel-toed Timberlands will do a pretty nice job.
The Daily Gut makes the bold prediction that by December, Ashlee Simpson will have had enough plastic surgery to finally release the inner camel she's been trying to free for years.
Maybe Paris Hilton's vagina is only going for $10 on eBay because she announced she's not going to use it for a year.

We think that it will become painfully obvious where we're going with this one: