We hardly consider it overstatement to declare this The Golden Age of What's Going On in Alec Baldwin's Noggin, for never before have we—the more-than-casual Baldwin obsessionists that we are—had access to literally reams and reams of the ursine 30 Rock star's internal musings. There was, of course, the recent 8,000+ word profile in the New Yorker, in which we learned that something about the Hamptons air turns Baldwin into a deerstalking homosexual nudist. Yes, that was good—but it wasn't enough! So we dive now—like a hairy, naked gay man into a platter of freshly broiled venison—into leaked excerpts from Baldwin's upcoming memoir, "A Promise to Ourselves." In it, he reveals how villainous, sippy-straw-twirling TMZ suzerain Harvey Levin very nearly drove him to suicide with the release of his infamous Thoughtless Little Pig voicemail:

After last week's harrowing episode of The Two Coreys, in which fallen teen angel Corey Haim was led to the Defamer comments section like a sacrificial, desperately-seeking-series-regular-work lamb, we stumbled upon a comment of interest. (Yes, this was a commenter commenting upon a clip of Haim reading our comments: sort of the post-cultural equivalent of staring into one of those fabulous '70s infinity mirrors.)