When you're a professional entertainer—particularly if you're one of the Unfunniest Comedians in America—you have to know how to handle hecklers. Dane Cook, as you see here (click to enlarge), responds to a mere MySpace heckler by calling her "ugly like a trout." His reaction is ineffective, inefficient, and fails by every standard of the Heckler-Handling Handbook. Observe:
Once again, the troubled blonde union between Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson has come to an end, and both stars are up to their standard post-break-up habits. Hudson is said to be feeling “dumb,” and Wilson is making attempts to crawl into the sheets with the nearest yellow-haired hanger-on. And while the last time these two split, it became tragically clear which party came out on top and which wound up barely alive, we took a look at the career prospects in store for both, and worry Kate’s the one who might hit the skids this time around...
The battle to be crowned America's most humor-resistant comedian is down to the final two. For three weeks, Dane Cook has reigned at the top of his bracket in "The Unfunniest Comic" competition on WBCN's "Toucher & Rich" show, easily knocking out Jay Leno and Dave Coulier. In a shocking upset last week, Jimmy Fallon beat out insufferable hack-and possible material thief-Carlos Mencia. Since then, Fallon has been unstoppable.
Apparently the only shitty thing Dane Cook likes to carry around is his act from five years ago. The "comedian" has had a complaint filed against him in a Los Angeles court because he allegedly refuses to clean up after his tiny Miniature Pinscher, Beast. (Get it? It's little, but it's called something big. Pet naming, now with comedic irony!) The neighbors even claim they have video of the "actor" letting his pooch pinch one off before walking away empty-handed. We hope this footage gets released, because it is most likely the only time we would ever watch a Dane Cook video twice. [NY Post]
Sure, the first person you think of is Dane Cook. With his blend of vagina jokes, date-rapey fans, and factory-distressed jeans, guy's a total douche cocktail. But what about Carlos Mencia? How can a man tell a retard joke that doesn't make me laugh? To celebrate March Madness, radio jocks "Toucher & Rich" on Boston's WBCN are whittling down a list of 16 lames to see who will emerge as "The Unfunniest Comic."
Cosmopolitan honored singer/paparazzi fucker-with John Mayer as their top "Fun, Fearless Male" of the year today. Yes, he is fun in a "nice guy from your high school who became sort of an ass when he went to Hamilton and realized he could get girls" kinda way. But fearless? Upon what criteria is this most noble of titles based? Looking at some of the other honorees, it could be one simple thing: dating Jessica Simpson.
Back on Wednesday, we passed along a video (still available here) of comedian and Fear Factor master-of-bovine-anus-devouring-ceremonies Joe Rogan confronting Carlos "Mind Of" Mencia about the widely held belief that Mencia helps himself to other comics' material (which, to his credit, he at least has to courtesy to transform into something completely unfunny). Since the release of comedy repo man Rogan's whistleblowing exposé, it seems the fight has been pretty lopsided in Mencia's favor, as Rogan blogs that he's been given a time out at the Comedy Store (the site of the confrontation) and lost an agent over the brawl:
