Christopher Pagano, the alleged Swiss cheese fucker of Philadelphia, was briefly jailed again after a fourth woman came forward accusing him of "harassment includ[ing] the use of processed cheese."

What's wrong with you, America? While you leer at "hoochie mamas" on VH1 and use "sext messages" on your "crackberries," a very real international crisis is being ignored across the ocean: Norway is running out of butter.