· Fox plays it safe by returning 16 series to its fall line-up, adding just three new dramas, two new comedies, and a late night talk show. And The OC stays put on Thursdays at 9, with the network confident that since its fans still seem to be sticking around just because they remember how great it was the first season, they probably won't be lured away by Grey's Anatomy. [Variety]
· Kirsten Dunst is in negotiations to join Jack Black in Michael Gondry's Be Kind Rewind. You know, the one about the guy who erases all the tapes in a video store, and then he and his pals reshoot all the movies a nice old lady wants to rent so he doesn't get fired? That one. (Still sounds kind of awesome, actually.) [THR]
· The new MGM sets a December 22nd release date for Rocky Balboa. Look for the reborn studio to take full advantage of the date with a holiday-themed promotional blitz, including a Las Vegas boxing match in which Sylvester Stallone barely triumphs (he has to have both eyelids cut open halfway through to continue) over Santa Claus in a three-round exhibition. [Variety]
· Sony bravely chooses to continue on with its Da Vinci release plans despite the laughs and hisses of some critics at Cannes. [THR]
· Four words: Vin Diesel romantic comedy. And no, he's not going to star opposite a duck, though we'd probably find that chemistry more convincing than the one they try to cultivate with some brave actress. [Variety]

Even studio executives whose blockbusters seem(ed) like sure things have had their confidence shaken by the M:i:III disappointment™ and Poseidon bed-shitting®, terrified by the prospect that any given Monday could feature a dreaded trip to The Grill for their public humiliation lunch special. A key to minimizing the pain of any regrettable box office shortfall is not getting your corporate boss' hopes up:

· CBS will pick up only three new dramas and one comedy for the fall season, and is moving Without a Trace and The Amazing Race to Sundays, creating their first-ever (we think) All Jerry Bruckheimer Night. Color us terrified by The Bruck's creeping programming hegemony. [Variety]
· New network abomination The CW will be stitched together almost entirely from old parts of The WB and UPN, adding just two new shows to its inaugural fall season schedule. And one of those is a Girlfriends spinoff, so they're not even pretending to try. [THR]
· The Da Vinci Code will premiere tonight in Cannes to "an unprecedented mix of Hollywood hoopla, fest glamour and worldwide hysteria," and, probably, some pretty fun protests involving flaming effigies of Ron Howard. [Variety]
· Bastard Fox semi-network MyNetworkTV presented its ambitious plans to replace test patterns, infomercials, and public access shows about local bakesales with telenovelas in selected markets. [THR]
· American Idol pulls down great ratings, again. Doesn't that ever get boring for them? How about just one week where it gets a 9 share so everyone has something to talk about? Is that asking for too much? [Variety]

As Sony executives distractedly oversweeten their morning coffees while nervously taking in the first round of heinous reviews and reports of a mushrooming international outrage over The Da Vinci Code, Ron Howard and star Tom Hanks took a moment to address some of the concerns in a Q and A with reporters moments before the film had its premiere at Cannes today:

Based on the first reviews trickling in from an eve-of-premiere press screening of The Da Vinci Code at Cannes, this might be a good time for the Imagine assistants to make a busy-work project of re-alphabetizing the office take-out menu binder in anticipation of a possible office-lockdown lunch of shame once their bosses return to LA from their promotional rail tour on the Blasphemy Express. An early Da Vinci Code panning round-up:

At the Waterloo station in South London today, Ron Howard proudly showed off his Da Vinci Code-branded Eurostar train to stars Tom Hanks and Audrey Tatou, which will carry the trio from England to their movie's world premiere in Cannes. The train is specially equipped with a state-of-the-art loudspeaker system which will blare controversy-exploiting promotional messages such as "Hey Catholic ! Did you hear how Jesus married a prostitute? Come see The Da Vinci Code and find out more!" and "Everything the Pope told you is a lie!" as they hurtle through the idyllic European countryside, ensuring that they'll be met by throngs of curious moviegoers when they disembark in the south of France.

Hoping to postpone Vatican-ordered multiplex burnings and mass excommunications until after The Da Vinci Code has raked in its opening weekend millions, Sony has eschewed the practice of pre-screening their inevitable blockbuster for influencers, choosing to give up any advance buzz based on the actual product until a critics' showing tonight and Wednesday's premiere at Cannes. But Sony and the producers at Imagine didn't always agree on this strategy, according to to the NY Times' Sharon Waxman:

· ABC orders up six shows in advance of next week's network upfronts, the dramas The Nine, JJ Abrams' Six Degrees, and Daybreak, as well as comedies In Case of Emergency, "TV warhorse" Ted Danson's Help Me Help You, and Notes from the Underbelly. [Variety]
· Meanwhile, NBC is expected to pick up Friday Night Lights, Raines, Heroes and The Untitled Tina Fey Comedy (code name: Fuck Sorkin, There's Room For Two SNL Shows) today. [THR]
· The Da Vinci Code's global "day-and-date" release next weekend will be a crucial test for Hollywood's new strategy of unleashing its product simultaneously on international populations softened up by a coordinated media carpetbombing. We predict total box office victory, especially in places that want to piss off Catholics. [Variety]
· Viacom posts a 9% drop in first quarter profits, a loss they tragically can't blame on Paramount, Tom Cruise, and M:i:III. [THR]
· Showtime is developing an hour-long biographical drama series on Billy Joel's life, Big Shot, but its producer insists that the show "...isn't a love letter to Billy. He actually is pretty insistent that we tell the whole story." Look for the series to demonstrate that commitment to the unvarnished truth by employing a framing device in which each episode begins in a bar ands ends with a different drunken car wreck on a Long Island road. [Variety]

According to today's LAT, rather than resort to the shrill protest tactic of picket lines manned by clergy armed with holy-water-filled SuperSoakers, some Christian churches have decided to take The Da Vinci Code's imminent, mass-market blasphemy and make blasphemy-ade. Upbeat, Da Vinci-themed sermons aimed at debunking the message soon to be delivered by cherub-faced emissary of Satan Ron Howard and spikey-haired incubus sidekick Brian Grazer have proved quite popular, and some progressive ministers have adopted even more modern techniques to head off the coming cinematic apostasy at the pass. Reports the Times:

· China won't allow Mission: Impossible III to open on the same day as the rest of Asia, pushing its release date to mid-July, giving pirates an opportunity to flood the market with bootleg copies before the premiere. Chinese authorities say they're ensuring that the country is portrayed in an acceptable light, but secretly wanted extra time to take precautions protecting its population-controlled citizens from Tom Cruise's recently unleashed virility. [Variety]
· Fox's new, low-budget teen division, Fox Atomic, hires Kyle Newman to direct a profoundly unnecessary remake of Revenge of the Nerds. How about they just release a special edition of the DVD and we forget all about this folly? [THR]
· New York audiences were "polarized" by United 93 this weekend as they decided whether or not it was too soon to pay $14 to a Hollywood studio to relive the trauma of 9/11. [Variety]
· E! continues its mission to reach ever deeper into the darkest reaches of semicelebrity for programming, giving a reality show to Nick and Aaron Carter. [THR]
· A Catholic Archbishop calls for a boycott of the The Da Vinci Code film, denouncing its source material "full of calumnies, offenses and historical and theological errors regarding Jesus, the Gospels and the church," but admits that despite his stance, he "can't wait to see how Ron Howard dumbs it down." [Variety]

Defamer brother site Fleshbot shares their review of a spunk-filled tribute to a blockbuster that hasn't even been released yet. That's right— The Da Vinci Load may offer even more Vatican ire-raising intrigue and thrills than its source material. A synopsis:

The New Yorker's Nick Paumgarten profiles Francis McInerney, a "top reviewer" at Amazon whose name can be found in the acknowledgements of The Da Vinci Code, a surprise NYT bestseller. McInerney has done over 800 reviews. (Alas, no James Frey; no Devil Wears Prada.) It appears to be a competitive hobby: "other reviewers sometimes create multiple e-mail accounts and repeatedly vote 'not helpful' on his reviews in an attempt to catch up with him. 'As soon as Amazon started ranking people, everything in human nature that�s associated with being competitive came out,' [McInerney] said."

Acknowledged [New Yorker]