It was muggy in the city and hot as hell, so I figured it was as good a day as any to escape the heat by taking an introductory personality test at the Church of Scientology's New York headquarters. It's appropriately located in the theater district, with a Broadway-style marquee out front and flat screen televisions outside playing clips about the church on loop.

When I first told friends I was going to a meeting of the New York Ordo Templi Orientis branch, called Tahuti Lodge, the general consensus was that I should try not to die, and I should avoid sexual contact.