Atlanta rapper Big Boi—one half of Outkast along with André 3000, and star of one of the great episodes of Law and Order: Special Victims Unit—was arrested in Miami on Sunday on drug possession charges. Rappers, right? Always with ecstasy and viagra-fueled cruises!

Rihanna and Nick Minaj battle for sexy dominance. Lindsay Lohan has dinner with Sam Ronson. Gwyneth Paltrow is Rep. Gabrielle Giffords' cousin. Monday gossip is full of coincidence.

An investment firm just got busted for defrauding clients of $120 million—some of which was funneled into a "sexually-oriented charter cruise venture." What is a "sexually-oriented charter cruise venture"? And does it have an unlimited soda plan?

NY Post gossip dowager Cindy Adams had no news today because she hasn't had a scoop since the Paleozoic Era. She has resorted to asking psychics what the gossip of the future will be. The answers will shock you.

Kristen Stewart's corruption of Dakota Fanning is complete, Joe Francis is filing for bankruptcy, and Kirstie Alley says Conan "acts like I bit his dick off." Thursday's gossip has castration anxiety.

• Nearly three years ago, Lindsay Lohan scrawled "Scarlett [Johansson] is a bloody cunt" on a bathroom wall at the Dark Room on the Lower East Side. Allure finally asked Johansson about the incident: "I don't know what the motivation was behind that. I remember it was something really vulgar—I mean, shockingly so, like 'Whoa, what, who are you?'"

• Madonna has her own Kabbalah counselor on staff to help her deal with her anger at soon-to-be-ex husband Guy Ritchie, who is just a terrible gold digger or something. A gold-digging famous movie director who hangs out with Jude Law and Robert Downey Jr. It's sad, really.

• Britney Spears gave her first sit-down interview in two years to OK!, which will publish its piece Friday. The singer also made some fairly charming promos for the MTV Video Music Awards with show host Russell Brand, the British comedian.

Tom Cruise's biographer, for all his embarrassing revelations about the Hollywood actor's fervor for Scientology, doesn't give much credence to the longstanding rumors that the movie star is gay. Tom Cruise is a "conventional, heterosexual man who, more interestingly, never wants to be alone," writer Andrew Morton tells US Weekly. But that's not the conclusion that a close watcher of Cruise's movies might come to. Quentin Tarantino, in Sleep With Me, found homoerotic undertones in the glances between Cruise and Val Kilmer in Top Gun. We see gay, everywhere. So, here it is, the video that the Scientologists really didn't want you to see: Tom Cruise on Tom Cruise, Homoeroticist. It's funny. Watch it.

Yesterday, we noted that Katie Holmes' unimpressive turn in Thank You For Smoking was virtually the only one not pimped for awards consideration by Fox Searchlight on their screener for the film, but today Page Six reports that "sources close" to Holmes (read: scrambling publicists) claim that the decision to leave her off the list was her own:

Exclusive tip to Valleywag readers — I just heard of a TOTALLY AMAZING pleasure cruise. In between meals of buffet-style shrimp salad, cruisers will attend exciting lectures about the blogosphere.