Sightings and anecdotes of creepy sexual compulsive/sexually aggressive dataholic Paul Janka are way funnier when written by a dude who could easily kick his ass. That's why we're pleased to bring you this very special Janka sighting from Cajun Boy, who spotted him in Madison Square Park, talking loudly into his cell. "You know how you can come in contact with someone, even from afar, and you just know all there is to know about them immediately, like within a matter of seconds?" he asks, before qualifying Janka as a "cheesedick." Why, yes; yes we do. The overheard phrase that caught his attention? "Whenever I'm at home and I have a girl in my bed..."

We're not sure what it is exactly, but there's something about Keri Russell that kind of makes us love her. It's probably that the Felicity actress lives quietly in Brooklyn with her husband and cute little baby and doesn't seem to have any interest in hitting the increasingly silly celebrity nightlife scene. Plus she has pretty hair. So it's no surprise that we love her even more after reading this brief Stalker sighting (after the jump) in which she drank wine, toked some reefer, and just seemed "normal." Party (sedately) on, Keri:

Big Love (and other, weirder stuff) actress Chloë Sevigny was spotted over the weekend jamming out at a Sonic Youth concert with Yo La Tengo's Ira Kaplan. Some disapproving, fellow VIP section member sent us a sighting complete with name-calling and ass-bashing. And yet, whole worlds away, a mysterious would be Romeo posted a similar sighting on Craigslist, hoping for the bobo queen to give him a call. What different passions you stoke, Chloë. Read from the Sevigny files after the jump.

Taking a walk down Spring Street a few minutes ago to buy seltzer and roach traps for my apartment, I spotted Martha Stewart! I'm pretty sure it was her, anyway: girlfriend was coming out of that lampshade store that no one goes to (update: wearing black capris and a crisp black shirt) with a couple of assistants, loading boxes into a black SUV. Somebody please get me the name of her dermatologist for future reference—thnx.

Gracie the hound has been spotted again, this time in Philadelphia, where the quirky indie actress is shooting a movie: "While browsing the Wilbur Vintage shop in the basement, Posey's dog showed an interest in shop owner Dan Wilbur's Stride Winterblue gum... Wilbur says that Posey asked him to chew a piece a little bit and then give it to Gracie because she loves to chew gum. Posey tried to retrieve the gum from her pooch, but Gracie swallowed it." Can someone call the ASPCA already? [Philly Gossip]

Last night I decided to play a little game to pass time at the gym: take the treadmill in front of the window, overlooking Broadway, and run until I saw somebody famous walk by. Exactly thirty minutes later, Vimeo-founding Julia Allison-ex and web-boy Jakob Lodwick strolled past, as if on cue. Damn. I was hoping for SJP. Thanks, Internet.

You know who my least favorite character was on Bravo's visitors guide to the new New York City, Real Housewives of New York City? Countess LuAnn. A countess named LuAnn? Isn't that a contradiction in terms, you may ask? Exactly. It's as if someone put googly eyes and a tiara on a soiled trash bag. And then set it on fire. And then threw up on it. And then it got run over by a poor family on their way to Disney world. And then a Mexican (apologies) Latina lady cleaned it up a bit. And then I spit on it. Then you've got LuAnn. Well, someone spotted her in the city recently, smelling cheese and wearing a "barncoat." Naturally her daughter was mortified. LuAnn, I really hope you're reading this. Because you're an awful, awful person. Seriously. Full stalker sighting after the jump.

A drawing of a girl seen on the subway, posted to illustrator and Vimeo employee Patrick Moberg's blog and titled "NY girl of my dreams," resulted in the two meeting, viral-marketing love on Good Morning America, and photographed for a Reader's Digest article on Valentine's Day. Maybe Patrick and the girl, Australian and former Blackbook intern Camille, have broken up by now. Maybe they haven't. But Camille is now waitressing in the East Village, her past unbeknowst to her co-workers. Until her cover got blown last night!

The file on the actress's little Gracie grows ominously larger... Added: a video of Gracie, co-starring Grateful Dead musician Phil Lesh and ex Ryan Adams, weirdly enough. And also: gossip from the dressing room where they're shooting Posey's show Jezebel James. Mysteriously, all the carpet had to be replaced... [Gawker's Updated Gracie Files]

Writes a tipster, "Just an FYI about Parker Posey's vicious dog — After she (Parker, not the dog) broke up with [chronic internet-oversharing musician] Ryan Adams, Parker kept the dog (Gracie) they owned together. Ryan, as is his pattern, wrote [an unreleased] song "Hello, Gracie," about it... seemed to give the dog a bit more credit than it was due." Oh, yes: click for the lyrics. They're actually really cute, just like Ryan.

When we exposed quirky downtown actress Parker Posey's dog as being the devil yesterday, everybody chimed in with their own story! Parker Posey, control your dog! From New York to L.A., there have been multiple disastrous run-ins with little Gracie, starting with "her brother kicked my dog," and ending at the Chateau Marmont.

He's back on the web! You might know the scruffster for his music (Love Is Hell), but you might also know him from his entertaining oversharey Internet exploits! Exhibit 1: sending us a poem for ex-girlfriend, writer Jessica Joffe, after she blocked his email. Exhibit 2: Making multiple YouTube videos about said breakup. Now that he's back, we hope to read his delightfully unedited thoughts for a long, long time. To wit: "If only I had the lack of self respect to just bury myself in some nagging bosom in the bowels of the Beatrice Inn." Oh, yeah? Also, his "mega-talented thespian pal Park" gave him a drum.

"At the Hives concert at Terminal 5... Thunder Music! Alternadad [author Neal Pollack] doing something approximating the Hully Gully through the most of the set; Alternakid looking embarrassed for him, which was kind of awesome. When I came back from getting empanadas, they were gone. Possibly because I kept turning around, pointing and mouthing "Alternadad!" at my companions."

Now that Ryan Adams has taken down his YouTube page and ignored my emails asking him to do video commentary, and Whitney from The Hills kinda scared me, I've been wondering who else to inappropriately stalk. But I think I finally figured it out! (Didn't have to look any further than a pic torn from Nylon on my bulletin board.) Michael Pitt, the young actor best known from The Dreamers, Last Days, and Hedwig and the Angry Inch, is often described as a "bad boy." But that's just lazy journalism! Mr. Pitt used to live in a Chinatown one-bedroom with about nine other dudes, hates the Hollywood machine, and every interview he does takes on a pained, "oh, the indignity of it all" tone. And, as I recently discovered in the latest issue of Mass Appeal, he lives in nearby Bushwick! (Update! Our former managing editor Choire Sicha once profiled him.)

"At EAT on Upper East Side. Tom Wolff is sitting by himself eating breakfast in the window. Wearing full white suit." Sometimes, even when you do get a $7 million advance on your next book about "class, family, wealth, race, crime, sex, corruption, and ambition in Miami," you still end up seated near the damn window, for the whole world to see.

We love to love smartass Juno screenwriter and ex-dancing girl Diablo Cody. But not in a weird way, like this guy. He wrote an essay about the "at least nine things" they have in common, and recently accosted a lookalike screenwriter on the WGA picket line, mistaking her for Cody. "My sign today on the picket lines at NBC," he blogs. "ASK ME ABOUT THE NINE THINGS I HAVE IN COMMON WITH DIABLO CODY." OK, fine. What are they?

Funnyish radio celeb Garrison Keillor, of Lake Woebegone fame, dropped a restraining order against his stalker after she said she wouldn't bother him again. "I guess he realized it was all just a big misunderstanding," the stalkette told the St. Paul Pioneer Press. Right! The 43-year-old woman, Andrea Campbell, had been visiting his neighbor and sending "bizarre" gifts of a "petrified alligator's foot, dead beetles and poems," the Baker City Herald reports. Hey, what's one person's "stalkerish" is another person's "romantic."

Wow, is it really just that easy? The very same day I was personally touching 'The Hills' star Whitney Port, a New York Times T mag blogger was getting all dishy with their "style muse" (really?) in Bloomingdales' "green room." He offered her a job! ("Want to come work at T? You're hired.") And asked more of the hard questions. ("How do you feel about the Heidi/Spencer/Lauren ugliness?") What else do we learn about the enigmatic Ms. Port? Well, she likes what J. Lo wears, hates Kitson, and wears crap from H&M because she doesn't make that much money ("I work at Teen Vogue," she says by way of explanation). Well, T mag will fix that!

Studies have shown that chimpanzees enjoy looking at photos of the dominant chimps in their tribe. And, as evidenced at Bloomingdale's this afternoon, human animals will sometimes even stand in a long line and buy an overpriced bottle of perfume just to have their photo taken with a dominant chimp: Whitney from "The Hills."