Nobody knows exactly how big this oil spill is, but one thing is certain: BP's public relations effort has been disastrous. Even the PR guy for Xe Services, the mercenary company formerly known as Blackwater, thinks BP has bungled it.

Is your brand in crisis? You may need the expert help of mega-PR firm Burson-Marsteller! The firm is run by public relations expert Mark Penn, who recently did a fantastic job selling Hillary Clinton to the nation until he had to quit as her top advisor because his firm met with the Colombian government to represent them on an issue the Clinton campaign had taken the opposite view of. Whoops! Then Hillary lost. So hey, Mark Penn understands why maybe you wouldn't turn to him to manage whatever PR disaster you're undergoing. Which is why he's brought on another superstar from the world of politics: Karen Hughes!

At the end of last week, as the chaos swirled over which network would land the post-jail interview with Paris Hilton, and for how much money, and which network was denying most stridently that it had offered her cash, Hilton's new "crisis manager" Mike Sitrick gave a statement to the press. "Contrary to media reports," he said, "Paris Hilton is not being paid for any television interview nor is Paris Hilton being paid for any collateral material, including videos or photos."

From time to time, personalities find themselves in disfavor with the public at large. It is at these moments that a well-designed campaign to win back the fickle fandom of our celeb-obsessed culture can help turn the tide. We've enlisted board-certified Assistant Life Coach Jeff Johnson to provide occasional career counseling and image management to stardom's wounded birds. This is his first column.

According to a memo just sent around HBO by Chris Albrecht, he started drinking again a few years back and then everything went wrong and then he was in jail this weekend in Las Vegas for allegedly harming his girlfriend and now he has to take a leave of absence from HBO which is all so totally crazy that we can't wait to watch it on HBO. Holy smokes. The memo follows.