You know the bottom is falling out of the economy when social scenesters are forced to turn to petty crime. Paul Johnson-Calderon—professional partygoer, Paper magazine writer, and ex-boyfriend of Peter Davis—apparently walked out of the Eldridge on Wednesday night in possession of a purse belonging to a hostess who worked there. But the whole episode was caught on a security camera, so he was totally busted. Fortunately, he's since borrowed some cash from his parents and paid the woman back, so he's not headed to jail or anything. But it may very well affect the number of events he gets invited to in the future, which for PJC is quite likely a far crueler fate. [Guest of a Guest]

Did you know teenaged girls are still defending Chris Brown, despite him all but admitting to beating up Rihanna? It's true; the New York Times has been hanging with high schoolers to find out.

David Friehling, the New York accountant who signed off on Bernie Madoff's books, has been arrested as an accomplice in Madoff's Ponzi scheme. His alleged crime? Not doing his job.

It looks like Bernie Madoff's sketchy accountant is going to be the next person to go down in connection with the scheme. The Journal is now reporting that David Friehling has been charged with securities fraud, aiding and abetting investment adviser fraud and four counts of filing false audit reports with the Securities and Exchange Commission. He faces 105 years in prison if he's convicted on all of the charges and is expected to be arraigned in federal court later today. [WSJ]

In the annals of vetting, this will go down as the most laughable miss ever: Vivek Kundra, the D.C. official tapped by Obama to run government technology, pleaded guilty to a theft charge in 1997.

Fire-haired food pimp Mario Batali's Midtown restaurant Esca was robbed last week! The crime raises two important questions: Was it an inside job? And if so, just how dumb are Batali's employees? (Very).

Authorities have released Bernie Madoff's mug shot from his booking at the Metropolitan Correction Center. After scamming $64 billion, he should have at least had to hold one of those silly little signs. (Via)

Bernie Madoff's lawyers filed documents in court today detailing all of his assets and monthly expenses. (They were submitted as part of an appeal to release him from prison prior to his sentencing in June; good luck with that.) The documents indicate Madoff had assets worth $823 million as of the end of last year, although $700 million of that consists of his stake in Bernard L. Madoff Investment Securities LLC, and his company may be worth a tad less than that given what's transpired the past few months. (If, however, you're interested in paying that kind of money for the prestigious firm that bears the Madoff name, Lazard Frères would be positively delighted to hear from you.) As for his expenses, Madoff says that it costs him $326,757.85 a month to maintain his various homes, boats, and household employees. So where does all that money go exactly? You can go here to see every line item. Or click on the photo above for a few totally random details pulled from the court documents. [NYT]

After spending just one night in jail, Bernie Madoff wants out. His lawyers will appeal the decision to revoke his bail while he waits to be sentenced for running a Ponzi scheme.

Vivek Kundra, the White House's chief information officer, has been placed on leave after Yusuf Acar, a technology manager in the D.C. government who previously worked for Kundra, was arrested on bribery charges.

Bernie Madoff would like to return home to his Upper East Side penthouse. The Metropolitan Correctional Center? It's not such a fun place to be, apparently! Madoff's lawyer, Ira Sorkin, filed an appeal today and is now asking that Madoff be permitted to return to house arrest at his duplex on East 64th Street. An appeals court will likely deliver a decision later today. In the meantime, though, you're welcome to refer to him as federal inmate No. 61727-054. [NYDN]

She died two years ago, but we're still addicted to Anna Nicole Smith. Now there's a new excuse to talk about the trashy Marilyn Monroe of our age:

After pleading guilty to his $50 billion fraud, Ponzi schemer Bernie Madoff is headed for jail. Which jail? Probably the federal prison in Otisville, N.Y., where he'll have the chance to meet new friends!

Millionaire Japanese pop artist Yoshitomo Nara was arrested by the NYPD this week for drawing on a subway wall. Other "victims" of his precious vandalism took the opposite approach:

When someone sees another person break the rules and get away with it, does that inspire them to commit wrongdoing themselves? When people like Allen Stanford or Bernie Madoff are arrested, does that encourage people to play nice? These were the sorts of questions that a group of researchers at the University of North Carolina and Duke set out to answer.

Applause broke out in a New York courtroom — and across the nation — as U.S. District Judge Denny Chin ordered Bernie Madoff, who has confessed to a $50 billion Ponzi scheme, to jail. Immediately.

It was reported several weeks ago that Peter Madoff—brother of the newly imprisoned Bernie and his long-time business partner—had transferred ownership of his $4.6 million Palm Beach home to his wife right around the same time the Madoffs learned that their firm was under investigation. We have the documents below to prove it, if you're interested in seeing what may very well be entered into evidence at some point in the future.

Bernie Madoff, the most incredibly humongous scammer that America has ever seen, has just pleaded guilty to all charges against him, as expected.

Iraqi—and, indeed, global—hero Muntader al-Zaidi, whose act of hurling his shoes at failed president GW Bush proved him superior to all other political journalists, is going to jail. Despite having an excuse:

Well, our array of omnipresent blinking gadgets has officially rendered us totally incapable of normal human action. The proof: David Prager, whose reaction to having his home broken into was to Twitter about it: