Three-steps-from-crazy-cat-lady WSJ columnist Peggy Noonan is teaching at Harvard. Our spies report: "Peggy's a ridiculous, hilarious person to speaking with any authority on anything at all." They've provided us with her awesome quotes. We're presenting them emoticon-contextualized them for you.

You do not want to miss the weekly festival of swooning self-regard and misty incoherence that will be Peggy Noonan's "Study Group" for undergrads this year, during her fellowship at the Kennedy School's Institute of Politics. Let's read the syllabus.

Pudgy philandering futurist Newt Gingrich has always opposed brown people and their filthy ghetto language, Spanish. Which is why he's launching a Spanish-language political web site, because he might as well try to make some money off these dirty people.

The Scientologists had their henchmen remove that scary jargon video. But we captured it.

Scientology's quest to perfect humanity never rests, not even on the weekend. Which is why this member of the cult's elite "Sea Org" spent his Saturday yelling at an infidel about his inevitable and pathetic death.

President Obama used his weekly YouTube address to talk about the debate on health care, naturally. This time, however, he set out to take down some of the more ridiculous things circulated by opponents of reform, calling them "outrageous myths."

Another proud American has shown up at Barack Obama town hall openly carrying a gun. This time it's in Arizona, and he's carrying an assault rifle and a pistol, which is fucking legal!?!?!

The White House is changing its procedures for sending out mass e-mails after hundreds of outraged conservatives received David Axelrod's healthcare reform pitch last week, Politico reports.

This Scientology tract features a photo of the world's religious icons, from Muhammad to Jesus to Moses to Confucius (?) standing in awe beneath an usher who also happens to be a Scientologist and is therefore the most powerful God.

MSNBC just aired video of a man with a pistol strapped to his leg waiting for Barack Obama to arrive at a townhall in New Hampshire.

Someday, one of whacked-out demon leader Kim Jong Il's sons is going to inherit the porcelain throne that is North Korea's government. What makes the spawn of a psychotic despot tick?

MSNBC's Contessa Brewer devoted a segment this morning to divining the numerological mystery that was—is?—Michael Jackson. His first and last names each have seven letters, for instance. And behold, people—"seven is, like, the number of G-d."

Drudge protege Andrew Breitbart's logic-free sound insane via voicemail. But on Twitter, he's just an adorable curmudgeon. And on the topic of Michael Jackson's funeral, he has the benefit of being a refreshing antidote to the cable news saccharine sweetness.

Matt Drudge reports exclusively this morning that President Barack Obama has been employing an African witch-doctor technique known as the "evil eye" in order to impose socialism on hard-working white Americans.

Mark Sanford wasn't nude-hiking the Appalachian Trail. He was chilling in Argentina. He's just a regular-folks governor who jets to Buenos Aires for a week without telling his wife, abandoning his kids on Father's Day while his staff lies preposterously.

Japanese intelligence has learned that Kim Jong Il plans to fire a Taepodong rocket at Hawaii, possibly on the 4th of July. Wait, what?!

CNBC's Jeff Macke went progressively nuts on the air yesterday, beginning with a bizarre afternoon phone interview during which he rambled about Justin Timberlake and culminating with a 7 p.m. breakdown on CNBC Reports wherein he incoherently berated anchor Dennis Kneale. This isn't CNBC crazy—it's actually crazy.

Just in case there was any doubt as to Glenn Beck's status as a paranoid charismatic who regards himself as a Christ-like figure, last night he predicted his own assassination on television.

The Republican Party continues to eat itself and Glenn Beck compares himself to Martin Luther King Jr. in one clip!

David Buckner, an anti-tax professor at Columbia University, passed out live on the air during Glenn Beck's increasingly insane broadcast this afternoon.