crazies
Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Sluts
Hamilton Nolan · 12/15/11 09:27AMFundamentalist Christian Professor's Class Becomes Holy War of Touchiness
Hamilton Nolan · 12/14/11 12:51PMAmerica's College Students Are Sad, Alert
Hamilton Nolan · 12/13/11 01:00PMDemocrats to Legalize Military Dog Fucking
Hamilton Nolan · 12/09/11 09:11AMCongratulations, America: you've gotten what you wished for. You elected Barack "Hussein" Obama as commander in chief. He quickly allowed homosexuals to serve as proud members of the US Armed Forces, standing buttock-to-buttock in foxholes next to normal young American boys. (After the war is over, they can marry, now.) It was only a matter of time before our fighting men were encouraged to start fucking dogs.
Insane J.P. Morgan Stalker Is Why You Shouldn't Date Investment Bankers
Max Read · 12/06/11 10:40AMGun-Toting Cops Hold Gun-Shooting Event in Gun-Plagued City
Hamilton Nolan · 12/01/11 12:03PMWhat is going on in the metropolitan Jacksonville, Florida, Duval County USA law enforcement community these days, I wonder? "Guns play a vastly larger role in Jacksonville's violent crime than in other big Florida communities, researchers at the University of North Florida have found." Weird! What else though? Any good... charity events?
Man Follows Up Incompetent Hostage-Taking With Lawsuit Against Victims
Max Read · 11/29/11 05:50PMHow to Be a High-Powered Literary Agent, by a Crazy Person: Vol. 2
Hamilton Nolan · 11/29/11 01:45PMYesterday we introduced you to Mark Kelley, the literary agent with a particularly forceful, unsolicited brand of flair. Did Mark Kelley send a lengthy follow-up email last night, CC-ed to a bunch of investigative reporters, for some reason? Of course he did. Should we share this with you? Eh, why not.
How to Be a High-Powered Literary Agent, by a Crazy Person
Hamilton Nolan · 11/28/11 03:31PMWhite House Shooting Suspect Charged with Attempted Assassination
Jim Newell · 11/17/11 03:31PMAndrea Peyser's No Good, Very Bad Day at Occupy Wall Street
Hamilton Nolan · 11/16/11 09:31AMYesterday morning, a tipster pointed us to this Twitter posting about our favorite New York Post sex and hatred columnist: "Just saw Andrea Peyser say "Fuck you!" to a man questioning her attempted ambushing of a man who dared to (gasp!) bring a child to #OWS." Then another tipster sent us this photo of Andrea looking positively despondent down at OWS. Why the sour face, Andrea? Perhaps her column today holds some clues!
Sacrilegious Art Will Probably Give All of Brooklyn AIDS
Hamilton Nolan · 11/14/11 09:08AMSexological tabloid hate columnist Andrea Peyser (pictured, on left) is fighting a war for your very soul on many fronts. Not only is Andrea ably covering the heathen War on Christmas; she keeps her beady eyes open for any indications of a greater War on Christianity. And for hot teen sexxx! But today, War on Christianity.
The Man Behind Arizona's Immigration Law Could Lose His Job Today
Jim Newell · 11/08/11 01:44PMRussell Pearce, the Arizona state senator who drafted the state's infamous "papers, please" immigration law last year and was rewarded with the title of Senate president, may, impossibly enough, lose his job today, in the first recall election of a sitting lawmaker in the state's history. Is Arizona finally getting its act together? Hmm.
Crazy Guy Occupies Rope Ladder Dangling 75 Feet Below Tappan Zee Bridge
Max Read · 11/07/11 09:27PMLooks like the "Occupy Wall Street" movement is spreading! To a spot about 75 below the Tappan Zee bridge, where a gentleman named Michael Davitt was dangling for a few hours on Monday, complete with an incomprehensible sign.
FBI Foils Crazy Old Georgia Hicks' Big Talkin' Plot
Hamilton Nolan · 11/03/11 09:20AMNo law enforcement agency in the world is better than our own FBI when it comes to thwarting terror plots that never would have come to fruition anyhow, because they consisted mainly of pitiful people sitting around boasting to FBI informants. The latest triumph by our domestic anti-terror heroes: saving America from a bunch of old Georgia loons who sat around the Waffle House talking about their big assassination ideas.
Kim Kardashian Could Turn Andrea Peyser Lesbian (In Protest)
Hamilton Nolan · 11/01/11 08:27AMAndrea Peyser Agog at Kinky Kiddie Pleasure Palace (Elementary School)
Hamilton Nolan · 10/27/11 08:40AMHerman Cain Produces Best/Worst Campaign Ad Ever
Max Read · 10/24/11 08:06PMHere's a brand new Herman Cain campaign ad, starring chief of staff Mark Block, that was just posted, unlisted, to his official YouTube channel. As far as we can tell, Block is drunk, and outside an Olive Garden? And the cameraman is some guy with an iPhone, also drunk, whom Block met at the bar? But, really, the horrible panning and cheap tilt-shift filter are nothing compared to what happens at the 40-second mark. Just trust us on this one, okay? We told you the guy was stupid! [via @pourmecoffee]
Herman Cain: 'The Biggest Threat to the Left Since the Fall of Communism'
Hamilton Nolan · 10/20/11 08:38AMSexually obsessed tabloid persona Andrea Peyser customarily writes her column by feeding her cat large quantities of GHB-laced Fancy Feast, and then allowing it to wander over her keyboard. Still, today's is even more laughable than usual. Who would have thought that a racist white lady would lionize a black Republican? Oh, everybody!