College Humor threw a party last night, but we weren't invited! Tear. However, a spy informs us that theee hot couple of the moment, subway stalker Patrick Moberg and BlackBook intern Camille Hayton, were in attendance. Though they ducked out early! "They didn't look really happy. In fact he was kind of towing her behind him. Leaving before things got going ... the party started at 8:15? They were leaving at 8:45? Of course she had a flower in her hair and he was wearing the same damn hoodie." God, what a fake relationship. They are like the Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal of the internet.

In front of that vintage store Daha on the Lower East Side, around 11 p.m. last night, a couple was overheard having "the talk." He just didn't want to be in a relationship. She wanted him to be more emotionally transparent. He was wearing a Planet of the Apes mask. This was the day after Halloween.

• Why are Ashley Olsen and Lance Armstrong parading their PDAs around the town's hotspots? Although! Page Six says they were dining at Waverly Inn together on Tuesday—but the photographic evidence says that Ashley was actually dining with Sting, Slash and Stephen Fry. No Lance shows up in the paparazzi photos. [Page Six, Image: Splash Photos]
  

Star editor-at-large Julia Allison and new web venture capitalist Jakob Lodwick spent a record three nights in a row together, in spite of his intimacy issues. Issues which are totally being assuaged by having a girlfriend who plays "Goin' To The Chapel" over a video of the two of them! [Julia's Tumblr]

"The auction is for a Dell Latitude D600. 60GB HD, 1 GB memory, Dual Band Wi-Fi, Very light scratches on the top, Screen is scratch free and shows up crystal clear. She took good care of the laptop. It has all the newest updates, and comes with office, Roxio and other programs. Just an all around good laptop to have. I bought this as a gift for my ex. What is included in winning this auction is not only the laptop, but also everything else she left. Right now it is the laptop, the bag some cables, the power supply, some personal items, sunglasses, clothes and a book 'the story of O.' I will be cleaning my place this weekend so the bounty will grow." [eBay]

"I'm going on a date with a *new* guy on Wednesday, and I practically begged him not to google me. 'It'll be post-post modern! A REAL blind date!' I insisted, hoping the tiniest bit of desperation didn't creep into my voice. I just want, for once, the kind of date I used to have ... the kind where I didn't have to spend the evening explaining various humiliating blog posts, and the guy didn't think he needed to bring an NDA... you know, just in case. Ah, memories." That's apparently single and definitely oversharey Star Editor-at-Large Julia Allison writing on her blog, where, despite your best efforts, she is still her own worst enemy.

You heard the Facebook, ladies: Dana Vachon is up for grabs! Get out there and snag yourself a Lit Boy. 34Bs and over, please.

After last weeks's orgy of coverage of the on-again relationship between Star Editor at Large Julia Allison and College Humor founder and boy-millionaire Jakob Lodwick, we had promised ourselves we'd abstain for a while. But today they posted a video of a teary argument on Jakob's video-sharing site, Vimeo, and once again we found ourselves unable to turn away. Why? WHY?

They make a cute couple! Tedlizabeth? Turnberry? Dewner? We'll let Us Weekly sort that one out, I guess.