Please disregard.

Here's a Shamu-sized dose of reality for those too ignorant to understand nature: Freeing the captive whales in SeaWorld and other aquatic theme parks will only result in an uncontrollable uprising by these underwater velociraptors. According to this 2010 LiveScience article, Nancy Black, a "marine biologist" with Monterey Bay Whale Watch, says that "[Killer Whales] have never killed a human in the wild."

Deal with it. [Via Gawker]

Well, you did it, Internet: "Fuck You," rapper/Gnarls Barkley singer Cee-Lo Green's naughty Motown pastiche has officially "gone viral," according to the Associated Press, featuring 1.8 million views. Now, will everyone please stop posting it to Facebook?

An anonymous journo writes, regarding our all-in-fun poll:

If you've not yet heard the tale of the Buffalo news crew Oscar night gaffe, it goes something like this: Shortly after Best Director was announced, a technical mess-up caused the audio of a conversation between a local ABC news team to be broadcast to the general public. It's the content of that exchange, warranting a statement of apology from the network, that is truly hilarious. But we'll allow you to discover that on your own, in the footage above. Once you're done watching, we invite you to provide your own dismissive, nine-word synopses of any of this year's nominees.

Like a pencil-moustached, beret-sporting fly on the wall of showbiz's innermost circles, celebrity-stylist to the celebrity-stars Phillip Bloch possesses a formidable amount of insight into the Hollywood condition. So much so, in fact, that ABCNews.com has granted Bloch his very own opinion column, in which he can weigh in on any number of pressing celebrity matters, from the foot-anorexia epidemic currently ravishing young Hollywood's emaciated tootsies, to his compelling treatise on how the death of gifting suites is hurtling our society towards freebieless anarchy.

The El Quijote sandwich from Despana, a sandwich I enjoyed today sitting next to noted food blogger Emily Gould, owes a great deal to Balanchine's balletic adaptation of the Cervantes' Ur-novel. The muscularity of the lomo embuchado (dried pork loin) and the light athleticism of the quince spread danced a particularly poignant and joyous pas de deux in my mouthspace, much like Balanchine as Don Quixote and Suzanne Farrell as Dulcinea did across the stage of the New York City Ballet in 1965. As Shakespeare once said, ""From forth the fatal loins of these two foes/A pair of star-crossed lovers take their life." I doubt if he was talking about the sandwich, but since sandwiches are so popular in the 21st century, Mr. Shakespeare raises a germane point. The loin of Balanchine and the sweet quince of Dulcinea were brought to life, grand-jeteeing over my taste buds and into the wings of my soft palate.

In many important ways I agree with the opinion voiced by my esteemed colleague Sheila McClear as it pertains to the trend of men seeing a cute girl on a train and blogging about it instead of asking her out. We both, I think, would agree with the statement that that, phenomenologically, is sort of crap. However, as a gentleman of the man persuasion, I do believe Sheila is missing the forest for the trees.

We're always up for checking in with theorist Camille Paglia, whose column in Salon.com (ad view req'd) bounces from topic to topic like a post-feminist superball ricocheting off the walls of popular culture. In the current edition, she weighs in with her thoughts on everything from the Democratic presidential debates to the Virginia Tech tragedy to the lack of well-written roles for African-Americans on All My Children. But it's her staunchly pro-Trumpian take on the subject of Rosie O'Donnell we chose to single out for special recognition: