Good news for America's growing ranks of poor people already plagued by heart disease and diabetes: Twinkies, the industrial spooge-tube cakes that will never become stale, will now be sold by discount retailer Big Lots at up to 40% less than grocery store prices.

Turns out it might not be your laziness, stubbornness, or general God-given incompetence making you stupid: it could just be all the delicious high fructose corn syrup you eat.

The Corn Refiners Association just applied to the Food and Drug Administration to change the name of corn syrup to "corn sugar." They hope people will think that's healthier. Yeah, because when we think of health food, we think "sugar."