As Coolio walked through the valley of the shadow of death (which is what he likes to call the San Fernando Valley, maybe) he took a look at his life and realized he had nothing left—except an offer to collaborate with PornHub, a popular website people visit while they masturbate.
Before you say it—we know, it's not 1995. This staged video of Full House's Uncle Joey fighting with the director of a sketch has to be shared. When Dave doesn't memorize his Coolio facts, things get super awkward.
Jersey Shore falls for the Hilton sisters, and horror ensues. Coolio's new tattoo has a typo. Naomi Campbell cancelled an appearance because they tried to make her walk up stairs. Tuesday gossip is nightmarish in a good way.
Bee Shaffer turns 22 today. Manhattan District Attorney Robert Morgenthau is turning 90. Billionaire financier Leon Black is 58. Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling is 44. Wesley Snipes is turning 47. Muckraking defense attorney Ron Kuby is 53. Another muckraker, entrepreneur Mark Cuban, is 51. Theater director Oskar Eustis turns 51. Ezra Zilkha is 84. The Office's B.J. Novak is 30. And actor Dean Cain is 43 today. Below, the birthdays of some people celebrating this weekend.
Can Farrah Fawcett's jailed son attend her funeral? Is Coolio's next fantastic voyage to jail? Does Johnny Depp watch his own movies? Will Real Housewives of Dirty Jerz (and Kelly Bensimon!) ever go away? How's Walter Cronkite? Let's find out:
• Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen's wedding party in Costa Rica on Saturday was rather eventful: Two paparazzi photographers claim that members of the couple's security team opened fire on them as they tried to score shots of the festivities. [NYDN, NYP]
• A former nanny who worked for Robert De Niro and Grace Hightower is suing the couple for failing to pay more than $40,000 in unpaid wages. [P6]
• More drama for Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson: At the launch of Charlotte Ronson's I Heart Ronson line for JCPenney this weekend, Lohan had to be "restrained from coming in by five security guards." [OK!]
• The people of Malawi can breathe a sigh of relief: Madonna left the country on Sunday and returned to London. [People]
• Kimora Lee Simmons and Djimon Hounsou are married. Sort of. The couple reportedly traveled to Africa last summer to tie the knot in a secret ceremony, but the marriage isn't valid in the US since Kimora was still married to Russell Simmons at the time. But Djimon went shopping for an engagement ring last week, so they'll sort it all out soon enough. [NYDN]
• An escort who claims she serviced Eliot Spitzer has lots of details to share about the encounter, if you're feeling brave this morning. Among other things, she claims he liked to choke her during sex. [R&M]
• Jeffrey Toobin doesn't believe that he's the father of Casey Greenfield's baby, although she's asking for a paternity test to know for sure. [R&M]
• Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel have split up. Again. [People]
Every once in a while the heavens bestow on us a beautiful shining gift. Something so awesome, so fantabulous, that we can't help but share it with everyone we know. Never in our wildest dreams did we imagine that gift would include Coolio. But oh, does it ever. Here's a program that puts to shame everything currently on the Food Network and the Travel Channel combined. Take that, Bobby Flay. Look into the eyes of greatness and tremble, Paula Deen. Cookin' With Coolio is here and there's no turning back.
