SCOTT KIDDER — Buying holiday gifts on Amazon.com? For anywhere from $2.99 to $5.99, depending on the item, you can have your item gift wrapped. How convenient!

You recall that we'd suggested purchasing the sexual favors of the indie auteur, which the generous Gallo had been offering on his website for a mere $50,000 ($100,000 for lez couples). Well, we hate to tell you this, but you're going to have to scramble to come up with an alternative gift for your favorite "heavyset older redhead" — Gallo has told Page Six that he's no longer able to accept PayPal, because the company had some sort of objection to being involved in prostitution or something totally nutty like that. "They are really fascists. They should breathe some death gas or something," says Gallo of his former 'Pals. Uh, right on! The good news? He's now accepting Mastercard. Now that is indeed priceless.

The Media Mole Rodeo is in full effect — underappreciated media workers, keep sending your stories of frustrated angst to mole@gawker.com. Meanwhile, at the prudent suggestion of our friends at Consumerist, we decided to cobble together a short primer on how to tip without getting burned. After all, much as we want your secret knowledge, we'd hate to see anyone get canned. After the jump, a few simple precautions for the uninitiated on leaking like a pro while still drawing that hott but very low five-figure media salary.

Think back, if you will, to October 2004. It was an innocent time, a time when to have a cell phone typically meant one of those Nokia bullets or a Motorola V60 (hey, remember those?), or if you were all fancy, a big-ass Blackberry. We bring this up for one important reason: to trace just how you, and we, got suckered—yes, suckered—into buying possibly the worst phone on the market today, the Motorola RAZR.

Just discovered Drivl.com, a clever daily comedy site with articles like "The Worst-of-Web-2.0 Awards," "Workplace Kama Sutra" (tales of sex in Indian call centers) and "Seven Phases of Owning an iPod" (pictured). Its low Alexa rank indicates this site is an undiscovered gem. Steal the jokes for your water-cooler conversation before this site catches on.

Ever since the Google/YouTube buyout was at its rumor stages, Mark Cuban wouldn't shut up about how it was going to be a legal land mine, and while we have yet to see a lawsuit against Google, he has been kinda right as takedown requests are happening more frequently than pre-buyout.

You may remember the unfortunate San Diego TV reporter, John Mattes, who was physically attacked on camera by a married couple Mattes was investigating about their alleged identity theft/real estate scam. Apparently, Assad "Sam" Suleiman and wife Rosa Barraza contend that Mattes must have somehow injured himself — perhaps by smashing his ribs into Suleiman's fist until they cracked, or walloping his own face a few times (we won't even mention the biting). Facing lengthy prison sentences if convicted in the assault, both Suleiman and Barraza have pled not guilty, with their attorney claiming that Suleiman was just acting to defend his wife, and "the footage released to the general media does not fully capture the intensity of the confrontation." Watch that clip again, and try to imagine that it was actually, somehow, more intense.

In the midst of a nice plug for our crusading sibling Consumerist, Brandchannel's Abram Sauer makes the following observation:

Now that Amazon.com is selling groceries in addition to container ships full of Harry Potter books, sib site Consumerist points out one of their best-reviewed selections: milk. The fine moo juice has accumulated 300+ reviews so far; you can also examine multiple views of the milk, as if examining the jug of milk from a foot away, perhaps 14 inches away, and perhaps 10 inches away. Really gives you perspective on the milk's many different visual facets. Some customers complain that the milk does not repel manta rays, does not make servers run faster, nor cures cancer. For more sincere and also much more idiotic reviews, check out the Amazon grocery's top-selling item: cinnamon toothpicks.

Earlier this week, sib site Consumerist revealed dangerous, confidential information from wireless corp Cingular regarding how the company rates its customers. Supposedly, your friendly phone rep evaluates your worth as a person based on cute little graphics illustrating your "Life Time Value" versus your "Churn Potential." As of today, Cingular has demanded the materials be yanked — what, you think you deserve to know your own churn potential? Consumerist has refused to comply thus far. That's right. Who else wants some of this?

Much love to our crusading sibsite Consumerist for unearthing an actual copy of the legendary AOL Customer Retention Manual. Within the pages of this dark grimoire are all the essential tools of psychological warfare, many verging on light BDSM. Enjoy with headset phone and riding crop.

What pleasures await in this pure palace of Apple? This morning, join us to watch Consumerist's coverage of the new 24-hour store in NYC.

Geez, YouTube, you get a little too hammered last night? As of post time, the Net's most popular video sharing site, has a major hangover. Site's down, and so were embedded videos, until recently.

Our value-conscious brother Consumerist has started taking after his big brother Gawk and now enjoys scouring the outer edges of Cragislist for education and amusement. Today he points us to this listing, found in the barters section, which provides a whole new way of trying to break into this godforsaken business:

Posted on newborn brother Consumerist:

A little sampling from our new younger brother Consumerist (who, as some of you have noted, is aesthetically challenged — that's how we politely refer to sites designed by Hungarian goat-fuckers):

We here at Gawker Media love to spend our money, but we hate being treated like cattle while we do it. And so our big happy family is proud to announce the birth of our latest site: Consumerist, our answer to the utter fuckitude of modern capitalism.