Nobody is buying retail, and people who are buying retail are buying it online, but some of the people who are buying retail products IRL are still getting into fights over it. Also, black activists in Chicago plan to disrupt the retail district.

Everyone who reads blogs all day knows that newspapers and magazines are doomed, sinking ships, right? Not if you've got money to spend. Saturday's Wall Street Journal will include a new quarterly lifestyle magazine called WSJ. — yes, with a period, just to annoy Owen. What's in it?

Are you a summertime golf enthusiast, a woman with hot flashes, or just someone who enjoys comically conspicuous consumption? If so, you need to run out and purchase some Evian Mineral Water Spray straightaway. With every spritz of the five ounce, $10 bottle, you send the message: I have spent $10 on five ounces of water. Oh, wait; it's propelled by nitrogen. Well then. [via Adrants]

Looking to add some panache to your stylin' little startup's holiday party? The Gale Bradley Singers will show up in full Dickensian dress to sing four-part carols for an hour ($450) or two ($600). Or you can make like Google and order custom handmade chocolates with your company logo from Charles Chocolates in Emeryville (I recommend the fruit pates, too.) This being Web 2.0, even the box is edible. Next up: I'm making a map of where to get your gifts professionally wrapped in case you're a klutz like me. Bay Area wrapping tips to paul@valleywag.com.