As it turns out, all I ever needed to be convinced that Sarah Palin should run for president was this minute-long ad, which manages to edit together the half-dozen complete and syntactically correct sentences that Palin's been able to get out in her public career, aired over a series of low-resolution photographs (maybe switching to HD will help? Nope!) and set to the strains of classic Pure Moods jam "Adiemus," by Adiemus. Though, to be honest, I'd basically support anything that features "Adiemus." Sarah Palin, genocide, terminal illness, whatever—just play "Adiemus" and I'm behind it 100 percent.

Sarah Palin put the perfect final touch on her multiyear long-grift last night, by telling supporters, at basically the last possible moment, that she wouldn't run for president after all. Should've sent her more money, everyone!

Since most Sarah Palin fetishists think she's Christ reincarnated with a folksy twang and fertile vagina, it stands to reason that someone would eventually make a Palin video tribute set to the music of R. Kelly. That time is now.