Oh the fun we have, these days, with John McCain and Barack Obama. They are the news, every day, even when the economy fails or something, because now we expect them to fix it. So they're rocketing back to DC or something to work on that bailout plan, with some guy named... Bush? Bush. You know, the guy who weirdly made torture an important tool in the American response to terror. Ha ha remember our moral authority? Just about everyone involved in the Bush Administration probably deserves to be put on trial at The Hague, actually, but that won't happen because no one cares anymore. It just suddenly became "too late" to discuss the massive and unprecedented abuse of power by the executive branch at just the moment when everyone, even Bush conservatives, agreed that things had gotten far, far out of hand. What were we talking about again? Oh, right, everyone is complicit in the torturing. You and me and Condoleezza Rice. Of course she told the Senate yesterday that it is not her fault, this torturing. Everyone is covering their asses now that the Senate Armed Services is looking into just who decided to give the CIA authorization to torture the fuck out of people, but Condi released some documents blaming John Ashcroft and Donald Rumsfeld for everything. Except of course that she was in the same goddamn room and her proud stand against the program was to ask Ashcroft to personally review the legal documents that Bush lawyers used to justify violating the Geneva Conventions. REMEMBER HOW OUR PRESIDENT VIOLATES THE GENEVA CONVENTIONS?? LIKE, REGULARLY, BECAUSE THAT IS HIS POLICY?? WTF! Anyway. This is fun. Our CIA actually began kinda torturing people weeks before our executive branch drafted a legal memo authorizing them to kinda torture people! The FBI objected to the torturing and "ultimately withdrew from Mr. Zubaydah’s interrogation." It's funny when the FBI is the voice of reason! Funny in a "why did we all agree that the last 8 years didn't happen" way. Basically we'd like a 9/11 commission thing, here, to figure out what happened when a bunch of career conservative fuckers and their cherry-picked law school moron lackeys ran the country for eight years and basically blew it up, from the inside. Can John McCain race back to Washington and work on that?

Remember Condoleezza Rice? She's still our Secretary of State, just in case you were wondering what happened to her now that she lurks in the shadows and does her very best to disassociate herself from George Bush as his second term expires. And if you're wondering what she plans to do after Bush's term is up, she made her grand announcement today while traveling in Australia. She's "looking forward to getting back to shopping." [The Lede]

There's nothing wrong, obviously, with saying "cotton-pickin'" when you are, say, Yosemite Sam. But "one cotton-pickin' minute," while best avoided, is still less of a faux-pas than saying how you're sick of "cotton-pickin'" black people telling you how you can and cannot talk about race, which is more or less what baby-headed CNN anchor Lou Dobbs said on the air the other day. The occasion? Condoleezza Rice said something rather mild about how the United States has a racial "birth defect" on account of how the nation was founded on the backs of African slave labor and it took a while to get all that sorted out. But Dobbs is sick of people telling him to stop being so racist! "We've got to be able to talk about it," he sputters in the attached clip, "and I can guarantee you this, not a single one of these cotton—just ridiculous politicians should be the moderator on the issue of race." Good thing you caught yourself there, Lou! Thankfully, the CNN transcript omits the almost-gaffe completely, so it's like it never happened! Except for that YouTube clip we've embedded below.

So the blog by Spitzer's call girl is obvs fake, because all she writes about is blogs. I wish it were harder to tell, or at least had clever jokes, because then she could join this list of the ten best ever parody blogs.

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice goes to China next week. Yahoo CEO Jerry Yang is insisting she press for the release of Shi Tao, the Chinese dissident Yahoo helped to imprison. He wrote her a letter to say so. And Yahoo lawyer Michael Samway published it on Yahoo's corporate blog. Which isn't a distasteful public-relations gimmick at all! Especially when you consider that the terms of a settlement with Shi Tao's family requires Yang to lobby for his release. Here's the letter:

In an otherwise decent New York Times Book Review appraisal of Twice As Good, a new biography about Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, the Guardian's Jonathan Freedland displays the tin ear so many of his compatriots (the Economist) have for the nuances of American politics. After an entire page describing the Secretary's control and discipline, which one might think would keep any sensible person from being enthralled by George W. Bush (apparently not), Freedland suggests that we're looking at a future occupant of the Oval Office.

Hasn't Wesley Autrey given enough already?

In an unscripted moment that will come as a shock to absolutely no one, Secretary of State revealed her affinity for Fox News.

BAGHDAD, Oct. 5 — Wearing a helmet and a flak jacket and flanked by machine-gun-toting bodyguards to defend against insurgents, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice came here Thursday, insisting that there were new signs of progress in Iraq and that the Bush administration had never sugarcoated its news about the American occupation.

Our civilly minded podmate Wonkette points out this meet-cute between Condoleezza Rice and the New York Times editorial board. Fairly standard boilerplate jousting from both sides, except for this amusing little nugget: Rice challenges the NYT for leaking basically anything the administration wants kept under wraps. Discounting her complaints, the NYT responds:

After that, she went over to VH1's Best Week Ever, where she used her comic stylings to address the rumors that Nicole Richie's waistline has actually increased since September 11, 2001.

• Why is it that one of the most powerful women in the world is still doing interviews about her weight, diet, and workout regime? Because her triceps are fucking awesome, that's why. [Wonkette]
• For their 10th anniversary issue, Fast Company loses their mind and lets photographer Phil Toledo disturb the hell out of everyone. Babies may be cute, but baby-suits are not. [Young Manhattanite]
• Our globe-trotting brother at Gridskipper is looking for some sacrificial virgins for internships. Go forth and impress the hell out of him. [Gridskipper]
• NBC White House correspondent David Gregory never calls Don Imus without first enjoying a nice glass of Alize. [Drudge]
• Coinciding with the release of the film version of The Da Vinci Code is its corresponding porn video, The Da Vinci Load. Considering both star Tom Hanks, it'll be tough to choose which to see first. [Book Standard]
• Live MSNBC facing death? [TMZ]
• Deconstructing the HuffPo scholarship. [Snarksmith]
• Smokey Fontaine takes over the helm at Giant; Robert Goulet to assume managing duties. And then there's a rumored merger with Complex, which would be cool just for the sake of having a magazine called Giant Complex. It'd be a must read for everyone in media. [Mediaweek]

A front-page Times headline today:

Yesterday we had some interesting sightings of Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice enjoying her much-deserved break in Manhattan; she took in a show, played some tennis, bought some shoes. Sounds like the perfect vacation for a Lucky girl. Or not:

The latest on Condoleezza Rice's Manhattan vacation, courtesy of a reader:

According to Drudge, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice has recently enjoyed a little Broadway entertainment. And Page Six reports that she's also working on her backhand with Monica Seles. So the Gulf Coast has gone all Mad Max, women are being raped in the Superdome, and Rice is enjoying a brief vacation in New York. We wish we were surprised.