The chef in this picture could be mixing some flour. But he could also be using the bowl to store his supply of coke. According to Jason Sheehan, a former chef and food writer, the odds that your next restaurant meal "will be prepared by someone on drugs" is "very high," since "cooks and coke go together like salt and pepper." It's not something they can help, mind you. Chefs are hard-wired to be coke fiends, Sheehan says, since "being a cook or a chef means being in the pleasure business," and is "the sort of person who has a yen for experimentation and excess." So if you're looking for ways to curry favor at your favorite restaurant, bringing a key of coke with you might not be such a bad idea. [TDB]

Ha! A scandal involving the Royal Family. It's been too long since we've had one of those, no? Oh and this one is good.

Life sucks. Everyone knows this. Of course, life sucks most for the models. All those castings and photo shoots and cocaine-fueled orgies and whatnot! How do they do it?! Well, things are finally looking up, thanks to the "Model Lounge."

Richard Gasquet is a professional tennis player who was suspended in May after testing positive for cocaine. But now he's been reinstated, thanks to one of the most thrilling Positive Drug Test Excuses of the 2009 season!

"Worldwide, (cocaine) prices range from $2 a gram in Panama to over $300 in New Zealand, according to the UN's World Drug Report." The UN further reports that Mexico got that sticky-icky and that candyflipping in Bulgaria is fun. [Economist]

Cocaine production in Colombia was down 28% last year. Production was up in Peru and Bolivia—but only 430 metric tons of that classic Colombian powder. Probable culprit: all those canceled Wall Street Christmas parties.

Sharks, racquetballs, and pretend priests.

Fun, spoiled: two British guys were arrested with a motherlode of blow (1,507 non-metric-system pounds) outside of Montpellier in what the French government is calling the biggest cocaine bust in the history of the country.

He then "pulled a Fredo", ate some onion rings, and gassed the audience to a Journey song. Is the other Tony listening? Method acting: in. [Page Six]

If you're planning a wild weekend in London in the near future, you may not want to indulge in any casual drug use while you're there. Not only has the price of cocaine skyrocketed in Europe in recent months, it's also the least pure it's been in years, as drug dealers stretch their supplies by mixing in the cancer-causing drug phenacetin, cockroach insecticide, and "pet worming powder." On the flip side, this means swarms of Eurotrash will continue to make New York City home to their coke-fueled escapades. But at least our drug dealers won't need a government bailout and that's good news, right? [BBC]

The recession wants you to stop doing coke, Sniffy Smith. In Europe, at least, coke prices are up, purity is down, and you've spent half your paycheck on a bag that's 91% "pet worming powder."

Have you always wished you had an iPhone app that made it look like you were sniffing coke off your phone? Now you have one. Happy Friday, you broke bastard. [The iSnort]

Miami cocaine rapper Rick Ross is most famous, these days, for being repeatedly embarrassed, on the internet, by 50 Cent. But his new album gives us another reason to appreciate him: awesome self-mythologizing crimetalk doublespeak!

It turns out that, prior to being arrested at a bar brawl and maybe snorting coke on camera, Ashley Biden was busted for drinking before she was 21. Just like Jenna Bush!

A few months ago two Fashion Institute of Technology students were arrested for dealing coke, and they laughed about it, and were subsequently crucified in the tabloids. Now they're blaming hardworking, cock-referencing undercover police!

Someone tried to sell a videotape they claimed showed Ashley Biden, daughter of VP Joe Biden, to the New York Post for $250,000. Political payback, or just another tale of politicians' kids gone wild?

People in the UK got upset over this ad, because of drugs. Hold on there: it's an anti-drug ad, allegedly. The lesson is, ad people love to work while high. [via Adrants. Click to enlarge]

Need some positive news about the global economy today? Happy to help. It seems the price of cocaine in Europe is falling fast "as smugglers use new routes through West Africa and the Balkans," according to the United Nations. Have a safe flight! [BBC via DBTH]

Big city newspapers are always going into panic mode after receiving envelopes of white powder that turns out to be harmless. At the Caspar (Wyoming) Star-Tribune, it turned out to be cocaine: