After 40 years of painstaking labor, Pentagon researchers have finally combed through the 7,000-page Top Secret Pentagon Papers to ensure that none of the information contained therein—almost all of which has been public for as long as Marco Rubio has been alive—will harm the national security if released. Guess what? It won't! Except for 11 words. If they get out, we could lose the Vietnam War.

Today we looked at the gayest cities in America (or not), causing one classification conscious commenter (alliteration!) to wonder: like a pride of lions or murder of crows, what does one call a group of gays or lesbians? Answers below.