• Citigroup general counsel Michael Helfer (left) and his wife Ricki Tigert Helfer, a former FDIC chair and fellow at the Brookings Institution, have sold their apartment at the San Remo on Central Park West. The eighth-floor co-op, which first went on the market in March for $3.195 million, sold last week for $2.995 million. [Cityfile]
• Philippe Weissberg, a managing partner at Madison Capital, and his wife Rosita have sold their three-bedroom co-op at 21 East 87th Street for $3.225 million. [Cityfile]
• Ariel Cohen, an executive VP at Prudential Douglas Elliman, has convinced five of his neighbors at 15 Broad Street to put their apartments up for sale along with his own. A buyer now has the option of turning them into a massive, 9,500-square-foot spread with eight bedrooms. The most expensive listing in the financial district, the mega-pad is listed for $22.5 million. [Real Deal, PDE]

Salma Hayek turns 43 today. Keanu Reeves is turning 45. Tennis legend Jimmy Connors is celebrating his 57th. Former football great Terry Bradshaw is turning 61. Andy Grove, the former CEO of Intel, is 73. Peter Ueberroth, the former commissioner of Major League Baseball, turns 72. Actor Mark Harmon is 58. Jon Feltheimer, the CEO of the movie studio Lionsgate, is 58 as well. Cirque du Soleil founder Guy Laliberté is 50. Former world heavyweight champion Lennox Lewis is 44. Aimee Osbourne, the one child of Ozzy and Sharon that keeps a low profile, is turning 26. And comedian Katt Williams turns 36 today.

• Speculation over the cause of DJ AM's death last Friday continues. People's sources tell the magazine Goldstein had eight undigested OxyContin pills in his stomach (and a ninth in his mouth) when he died, pretty clear evidence it was a suicide. TMZ reported a few days ago that the overdose was accidental, and it's sticking by its version of events. [People, TMZ]
• In the meantime, Goldstein's ex-girlfriend, model Hayley Wood, is denying rumors that he took his life because he was distraught over their breakup. [Us]
• Lindsay Lohan may now be leaving behind her LA home. But she may be leaving behind an unpaid $50,000 rent bill, too. [Radar]
• Kate Hudson is a little "clingy" when it comes to A-Rod, apparently. [MSNBC]

• Is Barneys headed for bankruptcy? Once again, some are suggesting the retailer may go bust, or at least be forced to partner with another company. And once again, Barneys' owner, Dubai-based Istithmar, is reiterating that it remains "fully committed" to the chain. [BN, AP]
• Every other celebrity has a clothing line. Now news personalities are getting in on the action: Al Roker is reportedly in talks with Weatherproof to start up a line of "rain jackets, coats, footwear and cold weather accessories." [WWD]
• A PR agency staffer is accused of ripping off nearly $100K in jewelry. [NYP]

• Is Drew Nieporent thinking about taking over Café des Artistes? "It's a great space and I'm always interested in great spaces," he says cryptically. [BN]
• A guide to some of your food options at the US Open. [Gothamist]
• Yesterday, the city unveiled its new anti-obesity campaign against sugary soft drinks and the like; today, the beverage industry fired back. [NYP]
• As part of the deal giving him control of Tavern on the Green, Dean Poll also settled a dispute with the city over $100K in unpaid fees. Convenient! [NYP]
• Some tips and tricks to ordering off a menu, courtesy of Frank Bruni. [GS]
• A roundup of recent restaurant closings around town. [Eater]
• Turning your gross black tar rooftop into a sustainable garden full of tasty fruits and veggies is all the rage, in case you haven't heard. [MSNBC]

Eliot Spitzer is denying a report in today's New York Post that he's planning to return to politics and run for elected office. But he does have a new job and it's related to politics, so perhaps that accounts for the confusion? As of today, he's an adjunct political science professor at the City College of New York, where he'll be paid $98.43 an hour to teach a three-hour law and public-policy class once a week. [LoHud.com via NYM]

• NBC plans to deliver its programming to gas stations. So if you don't tune into Jay Leno voluntarily, you may be forced to do so while you pump gas. [MC]
• Mad Men has been renewed for a fourth season, not surprisingly. [NYT]
• Freedom Communications, the company that publishes the Orange County Register, among other newspapers, has filed for bankruptcy protection [E&P]
• Magazines are having trouble selling copies on newsstands, so now they're going to focus on getting you to sign up for subscriptions. [NYT]
• Don't be surprised when you see Tony Bourdain whip out his Chase Visa card to pay for meals on his Travel Channel show. It's now part of his job. [AdAge]
• The show goes on for Plum TV, the "resort and luxury lifestyle TV network." The company just raised another $5 million from investors. [PC]
• Rachel Maddow says she had swine flu! But she went to the doctor, got "the special swine flu drugs," and is all better now, thankfully. [HP]

We really hoped we'd live to see the day come when Diana Taylor, the patient, soft-spoken woman who serves as New York City's de facto first lady, would find herself embroiled in messy, embarrassing scandal. It looks like that day has arrived, unfortunately. The New York Post reports that Taylor wore the same dress and the same hat to the Hampton Classic Horse Show in Bridgehampton two years in a row. Could it be true?

"More than one out of five people around you right now is wearing dirty underwear, one in three didn't shower today and most are professed nose-pickers." At least that's what a poll of AOL users uncovered, according to the Daily News, which generously advanced the story by reaching out to a microbiologist at NYU to weigh in on the potential dangers of nose-picking. And it turns out you're in the clear! "It's okay as long as you wash your hands," he reports. [NYDN]

Vanity Fair's "New Establishment" list, an "annual ranking of the top 100 Information Age powers," appears on the web this time around, not in the actual magazine as in previous years. [Update: An abbreviated version appears in the October issue; the full list is online.] And while there are a few surprises to be had—Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein, who's been reviled in the press in recent weeks, takes the top spot—it once again gives Vanity Fair editor /part-time restaurateur Graydon Carter an opportunity to do what he does so well: insure that his close, personal friends get their moment in the sun!

Bernie Madoff's Montauk home goes up for sale this week. A spectacularly lavish retreat it is not. According to the AP, it's "cottage-size by superrich standards" and full of "faded furnishings," an impression echoed by the Times, which describes it as "less grandiose than one might expect given the scope of Mr. Madoff's $60 billion scheme."

Andy Roddick and Brooklyn Decker grabbing coffee in the West Village ... Kate Hudson leaving her apartment building ... Ethan Hawke walking downtown with wife Ryan and their daughter Clementine ... Andre Agassi leaving his hotel ... Whitney Port walking in SoHo ... actor Paul Wesley arriving at WPIX's studios in Midtown ... Mischa Barton arriving at her hotel in a cab, and later eating lunch outside in the Village with a friend ... Michelle Williams walking to a coffee shop with daughter Matilda ... Rumer Willis leaving her hotel ... and Ed Westwick going to dinner with Jessica Szohr at Lure Fishbar in SoHo.

That sperm bank that allows its clients to search for donors based on how much they resemble various celebrities is setting up shop in NYC. The California-based company says it will be "fully operational within two months at a Park Ave. space." It also says it will be looking for new donors, so if you're male, reasonably healthy, and bear a passing resemblance to anyone famous who has ever lived, you probably qualify. If the NYC location is anything like the one in LA, the standards won't be all that high. In addition to Ian Ziering, Corey Haim and Lou Ferrigno, the sperm bank says it has a Jon Gosselin lookalike, too. [NYDN, previously]

• Mexican telecommunications billionaire Carlos Peralta has put his 2,510-square-foot Trump Tower condo on the market. The apartment's gold finishes, padded walls, mirrored ceiling, and Jacuzzi in the master bedroom can all be yours for $13.5 million. [NYO, TP]
• James Maher, the CEO of BlackRock Kelso Capital, has landed himself a deal on Park. Maher paid $8.1 million for a 14th-floor apartment at 730 Park, which is $8.4 million less than the apartment was first listed for when it went on the market back in April 2008. His new neighbors will include real estate honcho Ed Minskoff, hedgie Eric Mindich, and 60 Minutes' Mike Wallace. [Cityfile]

Padma Lakshmi turns 39 today; let's hope Teddy remembered to pick her up something nice. New York Deputy Mayor Patti Harris is turning 54. Gloria Estefan is 52. Comedian and actress Lily Tomlin is turning 70. WNBC weatherwoman Janice Huff is 49. Actor Scott Speedman is turning 34. Billy Blanks, the man who brought you Tae Bo, is turning 54. Fall Out Boy's Joseph Trohman is 25. And Dr. Phil McGraw turns 59 today.

• It's been a couple of thousand years since a man named Jesus "sparked a frenzy" in Jerusalem. But it happened again yesterday when Jesus (Luz, that is) accompanied Madonna to the Western Wall. [DM]
• Yesterday it was reported that Chris Brown had told Larry King that he didn't really remember beating up Rihanna. Now he says he does remember using her a human punching bag; it's just that the clip used to promote the show was taken out of context. [People]
• Filming has started on the new season of the Real Housewives of New York City. And the pressure is on, apparently. There are two "backup" housewives waiting in the wings in case the women don't perform and "the story lines are not interesting enough." [P6]
• Demi Moore would like to make it clear she's never had plastic surgery. It's natural that she looks like that at the age of 64. So back off. [Telegraph]

"Disgraced former Gov. Eliot Spitzer has been privately talking with friends about a possible comeback, and is considering a run for statewide office next year, several sources told The Post." Really? Could it be true? The paper suggests Spitzer might be thinking about running for state comptroller or challenging Kirsten Gillibrand for her Senate seat. Sources close to the former governor, however, say it's all made up. But it makes for a good story (and even better headline) during a slow pre-Labor Day news week, that's for sure. [NYP]

• Some luxury fashion companies think (or are hoping, at least) that the recession has "bottomed out," and the tide is "slowly turning." Let's hope so! [WWD]
• Related: Saks is hoping to now "wean wealthy customers from discounts" and "re-educate" them to pay full-price again. Good luck! [NYP]
• How are fashion mags hoping to remain relevant during the turbulent times? By hitching their titles to TV shows, naturally. Not that the strategy always pays off as editors might have hoped, as Elle (Stylista) and Marie Claire (Running in Heels) have discovered. [AdWeek]
• Homelessness is now "having a fashion moment." Make a note of it. [Cut]

• After more than 30 years in business, Café des Artistes is no more. The landmark restaurant closed on August 9 for a monthlong vacation. Now the owners, George and Jenifer Lang, say they've decided against reopening it in September following "steady losses and a union lawsuit." [NYT]
• Another notable closing: Ken Friedman and April Bloomfield's John Dory, which unexpectedly closed its doors on Saturday after just nine months in business. The duo say they're hoping to find a new location for it. [Eater, NYT]
• One place that is not closing, contrary to a rumor that made the rounds late last week: the meatpacking club Griffin, which reports all is well. [P6]
• A Voce should open in the Time Warner Center next week. [GS, Eater]
• A roundup of other spots slated to open over the next week or two. [TONY]
• A roundup of places scheduled to debut over the next few months. [Zagat]
• Kurt Gutenbrunner (Wallse, Blaue Gans, Cafe Sabarsky) has signed on to oversee the menu at the new beer garden at the Standard Hotel. [Eater]
• If Dean Poll wants to keep the Tavern on the Green name when he takes over the venue, he may have to pay as much as $19 million for the rights. [NYP]

David Paterson unveiled a new look today. Gone is the salt-and-pepper beard which has long been the governor's trademark; it's been replaced by a much trendier mustache. Could the change have had anything to do with the 'stache that Brad Pitt insisted on keeping for Inglourious Basterds, which the Times suggested has helped to revive interest in the look? If so, the governor isn't saying. "When asked Monday why he shaved the beard he's had for as long as anyone remembers around Albany, he joked it came down to "more cutbacks." [NYP]