Goldman Sachs bankers are going to be out buying new Porsches and weekend homes in East Hampton just as soon as they collect their record year-end bonuses. But that's not what the rest of us are going to be getting this holiday season, at least according to Goldman Sachs. The firm's retail analysts say that most Americans—the ones that aren't getting seven-figure sums in a few weeks—should expect to see lots of crummy sweaters under the tree this Christmas. Thanks for rubbing it in, guys. [WSJ/Marketbeat]

It a rare occasion when there's good Lindsay Lohan news to report, but today is one of those days. The CEO of Emanuel Ungaro, Mounir Moufarrige, says the fashion has no plans to drop LiLo as its "artistic adviser" even though her debut in Pairs last month was panned by critics and it's been rumored that retailers haven't exactly been lining up to carry the collection. Of course, the final decision is in the hands of Ungaro's owner Asim Abdullah—and he may not be on the same page with Moufarrige—but let's focus on the positive, shall we? [Reuters]

The economic pain that has crushed the media, advertising and real estate industries is taking a toll, clearly. Newspaper reporter, advertising account exec, and real estate agent are among the eight most stressful jobs in America, according to a new survey. [NYDN]

As if retailers weren't already panicky about Black Friday and the upcoming holiday shopping season, now they have worry about fire alarms sending shoppers to the exits. Racked is reporting a fire on Broadway south of Prince Street has forced Mango, Hugo Boss and Sephora to evacuate customers and employees. [Racked]

Bernie Madoff may not be the only member of the family to see his property fall into the hands of new owners. The Real Deal reports Mark Madoff may be forced to sell his Nantucket "getaway" in the near future. [Real Deal]

Ben Bronfman (or "Ben Brewer" as he previously known) is the son of billionaire media mogul Edgar Bronfman Jr., the husband of singer (and cheese lover) M.I.A. (they're the parents of an eight-month-old son named Ikhyd Edgar Arular Bronfman), and the founder of the Green Owl, which is billed as the "Earth's first green music label" (and is backed by his father who happens to own Warner Music).

That's because it's now got 100% more of phone hacking PR girl Ali Wise. Also Emma Watson gets around, Lady Gaga marries Papa John, and J.Lo meant to fall down. It's Tuesday and that's all the gossip you get.

If you're stressed about being treated unfairly at work—and you happen to be male—you'd be well advised to find a way to release your frustration. According to a bunch of Swedish scientists at something called the Stress Research Institute, men who let things pass without saying anything are five times more likely to suffer a heart attack. (They're also more likely to turn up at the office one one day with a loaded AK-47, aren't they?) Strangely, the study didn't bother to mention what women are supposed to do in these situations, so you're female and your boss is torturing you, you'll have to keep it bottled up for the time being. [Reuters]

You know the economy isn't improving when Greenwich, Connecticut can't afford to string up lights this holiday season. [Greenwich Time via Dealbreaker]

John Mayer making a girl's wildest dreams come true on the streets of Soho ... Lindsay Lohan arriving at JFK ... Katie Holmes shopping with daughter Suri and stepdaughter Isabella ... Jon Gosselin leaving an office building and heading to Cosi for breakfast ... Mark Wahlberg watching a Knicks game ... Zac Efron heading into Sarabeth's on Central Park South ... Josh Duhamel arriving at JFK ... Michael Douglas walking to the set of Wall Street 2 ... Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts walking their dog ... Matt Damon carrying a cup of coffee on the set of The Adjustment Bureau ... Christy Turlington picking up daughter Grace from school ... ... Susan Boyle getting in an SUV outside her hotel ... and Rihanna waiting for her car outside JFK.

If your boss invites you over to his/her apartment for a birthday party or holiday soirée, you probably shouldn't consider leaving the function with pieces of your employer's art work under your arm. Especially if it's a work by Andy Warhol and the iconic artist personally gave it to your boss in the 1960s. Chances are your boss will notice that it's gone missing and will eventually track you down and make sure you go to jail. [ARTINFO, Bloomberg]

• The Soho loft that Josh Hartnett lived in until recently (and reportedly trashed before moving out) has a new owner. Music executives James Dowdall and Rose Noone sold the apartment at 237 Lafayette Street to banker Rory Keane for $2.030 million. [Cityfile]
• Samuel I. Newhouse IV, the grandson of Condé Nast chief Si Newhouse (and participant in Jamie Johnson's Born Rich), is moving to Tribeca. Newhouse picked up a "zen-like" loft at 55 North Moore Street for $2.465 million. [NYO]
• Hedge fund mogul Bill Ackman has found a buyer for his 3,000-square-foot co-op at the Majestic. The three-bedroom apartment, which went on the market for $10 million in April, was listed for $7.9 million when it went into contract earlier this month. He's still looking for someone to pay $950,000 for his 322-square-foot "guest suite" in the building, though. [Curbed, PDE]

It's been six years since real estate developer Bruce Ratner first proposed Atlantic Yards and now one of the last remaining legal obstacles preventing its construction has been swept aside by the New York State Court of Appeals. No need to worry about booking Nets tickets just yet, though. The arena won't be ready until June 2012 at the earliest. [NYT]

Actress Katherine Heigl turns 31 today. Colin Hanks, the actor and son of Tom Hanks, is turning 32. Acclaimed author Arundhati Roy turns 48. Former congressman and outgoing MPAA chairman Dan Glickman is 66. Former NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue is 69. Former White House Press Secretary Marlin Fitzwater is turning 67. Former Beatle Pete Best is 68. And the infamous Linda Tripp is turning 60.

• A list of restaurants that just opened or are opening shortly. [Eater, TONY]
• A peek around the East Side Social Club, which opens tonight. [TONY]
• Brunch is getting a boost thanks to the sour economy, apparently. [Time]
• The In-N-Out knockoff that opened last week is no In-N-Out, clearly. [AHT]
• If you're an alcoholic in search of a Thanksgiving meal, look no further. [NYP]
• Martha Stewart says she has no beef with Rachael Ray. Phew! [EMD]

It's safe to say the Twilight sequel has been thoroughly exploited at this point: Baggies of Twilight-branded heroin featuring drawings of the movie's characters have now turned up on Long Island. [TMZ]

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's charitable foundation handed out $6.4 million last year, or about three times what the CEOs of Goldman Sachs and JPMorgan, Lloyd Blankfein and Jamie Dimon, gave away last year put together. The beneficiaries of the Jolie-Pitt Foundation are below.

What did New York's A-list socialite Tinsley Mortimer do with her very glamorous weekend? She hosted Serena Bancroft's birthday party. Who is this Serena Bancroft? She's the towns hottest up-and-coming tween socialite. Everything about this is just insane.

• New Moon smashed expectations this weekend, racking up $140 million at the box office and setting a record for the third-biggest opening ever. [NYT]
• News Corp. and Microsoft are in talks to remove News Corp. content from Google and have it appear on Bing, Microsoft's search engine. [FT, Bloomberg]
• O is slumping, so Hearst is now planning to makeover the magazine. [NYP]
• Talks between GE and Vivendi over NBC seem to have hit a roadblock. [WSJ]
• Project Runway's finale generated solid ratings for Lifetime, but it still didn't reel in the number of viewers it did when it aired on Bravo. [WWD]
• Scary: Glenn Beck is now looking to be more of a "political organizer." [NYT]
• Also scary: Lou Dobbs wasn't kidding about running for president. [NYDN]
• Katie Couric: serious anchor by day, sexy dancer by night. [Gawker]

Because the art world couldn't possibly be expected to dial things back two years in a row, Art Basel Miami Beach, which kicks off next week and runs through December 6, is expected to be bigger and better than ever!